Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Smithy's Guide To Vana'diel - Vol. 1

Our first stop on this tour of the world is majestic San d'Oria.

San d'Oria is located in the North West and is home to the Elvaan.

Visitors to San d'Oria could spend hour after hour admiring the sheer beauty of the castle walls.

They could, but most people just stand around staring at the Elvaan's freakishly long necks. I mean, damn.

You will also notice that there are no wires or cables strung between the house and buildings. The city planners felt that this would add to the flowing majesty of the city.

Plus, they were deemed unnecessary as the ears on your average Elvaan are capable of picking up basic cable and HBO.

Wow. Look at those things.

I saw an Elvaan woman drop her baby the other day. Little bastard glided right across the room.

San d'Oria is nestled in the quaint forest region of Ronfaure. It is hard to find an area as lush and pure as this woods.

Unfortunately, between the retarded n00b adventurers and the even more retarded orcs that reside there, any beauty the area may have had has been lost in a deep tide of stupidity.

Just thinking about it makes me want to slap someone.

Seriously. Let's just burn the place down and make a parking lot.


Blogger Shayde said...

So THAT's why they don't have TV antennae -- those silly Elvaan ears.

Thank you, Mr Smithy. I've now learned my one new thing for the day.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Wodah said...

Here here! Burn down the capitol of those arogant SOBs!

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The irony is after setting fire to San d'Oria the burt out ruin would just be another Bastok.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Argentos of Windurst said...

Everyone needs parking lots!

3:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a similar experience once but they dropped after I killed her twice and I sold them for 650k!

8:10 AM  
Blogger token black guy said...

hell nah bastok is mad azz pimp! sandy juz has lil hoz in der. it be takin me all day to seperate dem long azz legs yo fa sho! but we all kno wut dat long neck equals...HOLLAAAAA!!!

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The english language called. It's begging you to stop the butchering.

6:18 PM  
Blogger Undine said...

You have ot learn to teach TBG how to talk normaly *beats TBG with a diconary* speak right. YOur not a gangster and never will be. All you will do is make smithy stab you. Anyway. I agree smithy burn it to the ground pillage it. Eat the royal family by roasting them over the burning chocobo stables.

8:52 PM  
Blogger Cyberdragon said...

Bastok has a getto look so I can see TBG piping in on this one. I like the look of Sandy although Bastok is probably the easiest to navigate while Windurst is the most anoying going from place to place through those long walkways.

I wouldn't roast the royal family with all the back and forth plotting between the brothers it would have a sour taste and chocobo looks soo much better (Konstat Fried Chocobo).

9:05 PM  
Blogger Alison the Amazing Thief said...

I like my home town. At least we have some class. As for Elvaan necks and ears, I think they're very sexy. Just makes me want to nibble on them. Tasty. ^.-

12:07 PM  
Blogger Gravios said...

why not make it into gobopolis???
smithy always wanted his own city

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Night Elves from WoW are wayyyyyyyyyy better!

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What they lose in neck length in WoW, they make up for in eyebrows, though.

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Tara said...

And bad...very bad graphiced elves. :p

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why has everyone neglected to mention, that TBG is probably the whitest guy on the planet?

7:42 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

eat mah ballz foo

9:28 AM  

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