Saturday, October 07, 2006

Taking Chances

I don't know what possesses adventurers. I really don't.

All of this being nice lately had left a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, I hadn't murdered anyone in Yhoator for days.

I don't want the adventurers thinking they're safe or anything. I spent spent years establishing a very important reputation.

One of the best parts of my job is getting to giggle as an adventurer wets himself after seeing me.

You haven't lived until you've seen a giant Galka curl up into the fetal position and cry just at seeing you.

Tarus do it, too, but it's honestly hard to tell when those guys are lying down.

Still, I can't have them thinking I've gone soft, so I grabbed my gear and headed off to the jungle.

As I zoned in, I felt my lungs fill with that familiar jungle air. The heavy mist was mingled with subtle scents - blood and sweat and fresh mandragora pollen. It was everywhere.

Or maybe it was coming from the dead body under my feet.

Damn, I love this jungle somedays.

Anyway, I headed off to my favorite spot just beyond the tunnel near the zoneline.

Why so far from the zoneline, you may ask?

Adventurers always like to hang out near the zoneline. This way, the little bitches can run away when I try to get my stab on.

Can't even stand up to me like men.

It gets incredibly frustrating to start a good party wipe only to have the bastards run across a line and suddenly disappear.

So, I stand back a bit and let them come to me. Just far enough that I can take them before they make it to the zoneline.

My favorite is when I get that last stab in as the cross the line. They're all happy and excited, and then they spawn on the other side face down in the dirt.

I love that.

You're probably asking yourself who would be dumb enough to come to me.

Answer: a whole lot of freaking people, that's who.

Someone always has to get a little too brave for their own good. All the good camps near the zone are taken, so they have to find someplace else. Someplace closer to me. They take a chance that maybe I won't see them, that maybe I'm far enough away that they're safe.

Yeah, that never works out.

I started putting away 5 gil every time someone was stupid enough to get too close to me and then had to pay the price for it.

I'll be buying a Scorpion Harness soon.

So, I'm at my favorite spot and I notice a party off to the side. They're camped near the top of the hill just a few metres from my spawn point.

It was just a matter of time.

As they faught Mandies, they would slowly back toward me.



And then, it finally happened. Their Red Mage got a little too brave and stepped back a bit to get out of the range of Dream Flower. He didn't want to be put to sleep.

There's irony there, I'm sure.

GoblinSmithy>> Hi, there.
RedMage>> Oh crap!
RedMage>> AGGRO!
GoblinSmithy>> Why do people keep calling me that?
GoblinSmithy>> That's not very nice.
RedMage>> Voke it!!!
GoblinSmithy>> I have feelings too, you know.
GoblinSmithy>> You're undermining my self-esteem.
RedMage>> HELP!!!
RedMage>> Get it off me!
GoblinSmithy>> I feel your comments are unwarranted.
GoblinSmithy>> You're just assuming I'm going to kill you.
RedMage>> ...
RedMage>> You're not?
GoblinSmithy>> Of course, I am.
GoblinSmithy>> What are you, retarded?
RedMage>> AGGRO!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Again with the name calling.


In future, I'm sure that Red Mage will be smart enough to stay clear when he sees me.

Well... As long as I'm standing on his left side.

He doesn't see too good from the right anymore.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, seems that smithy has once again been bamboozled by the series of tubes and posted his newest entry below the previously written one. Luckily, I found it! And while I'm at it, woot first comment!

7:13 PM  
Anonymous token black guy said...

aw damn G you beat me to it yo! mad azz props u def got skillz fa show!!!!! holla back oombgoofacrah!!

11:44 AM  
Anonymous token black guy said...

yo smiff dog! on some real shit yo, you shoulda stole dat nucca's kickz yo. try it G! just jack some foo up fo dey shheeiit! oh oh how bout dis one. you is boutsta wipe some wack azz fooz right, and right b4 u kill em you go, "ur WHM. lemme hit dat and ill let you live." holllaaa!!! oh oh and after u hit it n quit it just wipe em anyway OH SNAP DATZ DOPE YOO!!!! hollaaaaa!!! fundacramaloof!!!!!! (hot new werd on da streetz)

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TBG, everyone knows your totally freaking white. Just shut up, or speak in proper English that everyone can UNDERSTAND. Not "Gangstuh". Cause nobody likes it. And before you stick your little white ass up in my face, we wouldn't be this rude if you typed correctly. Or at least SEMI-correctly. Not too much to ask, right?

10:22 PM  

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