Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Uh Oh

Oh damn oh damn oh damn.

I got the call yesterday.

What call you may ask?

Well, as you know I am a bit of a ladies man. Something about my charisma and raw animal power draws the women to me like moths to a flame.

And who am I to turn them down?

Unfortunately, this has created a bit of a problem for me.

See, all the guys reading this just went "Oh crap. He means THE call."

ElvaanFemale>> Smithy?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... Hi...
GoblinSmithy>> I thought we weren't going to call each other?
GoblinSmithy>> You know... It being a one night stand.
ElvaanFemale>> I need to tell you something.
GoblinSmithy>> Since this is not part of the same night...
GoblinSmithy>> I think you're breaking some form of legal contract.
ElvaanFemale>> Stop.
ElvaanFemale>> This is important.
GoblinSmithy>> I mean, I gave you enough gil for a chocobo home.
GoblinSmithy>> I thought that was a nice way to end it.
ElvaanFemale>> SHUT UP!
ElvaanFemale>> I'm pregnant.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> ...
ElvaanFemale>> Smithy?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> ...
ElvaanFemale>> Say something.
GoblinSmithy>> H...
GoblinSmithy>> Wh...
GoblinSmithy>> Ar...
ElvaanFemale>> Okay.
ElvaanFemale>> Say something intelligent.
GoblinSmithy>> I...
GoblinSmithy>> You...
ElvaanFemale>> Yay! You can use pronouns!
ElvaanFemale>> Can we hurry this up?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
ElvaanFemale>> Sigh.
ElvaanFemale>> I'm coming over.

I'm not sure how long it took her to get to my place.

I'm not sure because I spent the entire time jabbering like a moron and trying to wrap my head around the idea of being a father.

Me, a father... There has to be a law against that.

When she got there, I decided to ask a very important question.

GoblinSmithy>> Are you sure?
ElvaanFemale>> Of course I'm sure.
GoblinSmithy>> I mean...
GoblinSmithy>> Are you sure it's mine?

Quick note, guys: don't ever ask that question.

Unless you like getting slapped.

Whatever floats your boat.

GoblinSmithy>> I take that as a yes.
ElvaanFemale>> I can't believe you asked me that.
GoblinSmithy>> Well, you did sleep with a goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> Your standards can't be that high.
ElvaanFemale>> This is serious.
ElvaanFemale>> I don't know what we're going to do.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry...
GoblinSmithy>> Did you say we?
ElvaanFemale>> Of course I did.
ElvaanFemale>> We need to figure this out together.
GoblinSmithy>> Might I make a suggestion?
ElvaanFemale>> Yes, please.

And that's when I pushed her down some stairs.

What? Don't look at me like that.

What did you expect?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bad Bad goblin. I'm going to have to kill 6 or 7 of you now.

1:53 AM  
Blogger Kumaren said...




2:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Elvaan, huh?
I guess beggers can't be choosers.

2:50 AM  
Blogger Ninboy said...

ya know, if god didnt want us to be able to stop a baby from being born, then why did he make stairs?

2:54 AM  
Blogger Knyte said...

elvaan? damn smithy, seem goblins dont have high standards as well.

impregnating a dhalmel hybrid?...for shame, good sir. for shame

god i can see the offspring now

8 feet tall, arms down to their ankles, legs 2 feet long, brownish-olive, oily skin; jar jar ears, red eyes, a long neck, a stubby snout...my god i think we just found out how mamool are created (hell i would cut my ears off if i had jar jar ears too)

*throws up in the corner*

(yeah there is a bad joke or two in there somewhere but i dont care. its 2 AM and im on the verge of passing out)

3:42 AM  
Blogger Turkeysurgeon said...

sorry but that was funny as hell
Maybe you should consider raiseing this child it shouldn't have more then 1 or 2 birth defects after a trip down the stairs like that.
Just think someone to teach how to kill and annoy Pathfinder with, perhaps your only chance to pass on a legacy of death and chaos. Even if it does look like a little rat with a bad accent.

4:34 AM  
Blogger mosca do ecrâ said...

well maybee you could offer the poor thing to pathfinder to replace Mr.Beeington after you (accidentaly) kill it.

6:57 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...



8:52 AM  
Blogger Astarta said...

lmao naughty naughty goblin gettin your leg over an elf....

9:05 AM  
Blogger StealthBomber said...


That was a great post

10:01 AM  
Blogger token black guy said...

hell nah! ef dat noise B! i woulda been like "nah ho! dat aint mah baby u a slut yo! i knowz u be hittin them otha fooz in da hood errday!! get up off diz pimp i know u be wantin mah loot foo!" HOLLA!! datz how u get rid of dem hoz G!!!

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

^^^^ please make him go away!!!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Wow, that's low. Even lower than sleeping with an elf to begin with...

11:26 AM  
Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

GoblinSmithy>> I...
GoblinSmithy>> You...
ElvaanFemale>> Yay! You can use pronouns!

Hooray for pronouns!

11:36 AM  
Blogger Coeurl de Lionne said...

Bernard: "You know what they say: To save the world, you have to push a few old ladies down the stairs."

How true...

12:43 PM  
Blogger Valle said...

And that's when I pushed her down some stairs.


2:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geez, gotta love the cruel intentions of you humans. Good thing this is a fictional story.
Please kids, don't try that shit at home or you will suffer the consequences.

2:42 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

hell nah yo! one of my hoz got prego and tried dat mess wit me yo! i str8 up gut punched her yo holla!

2:44 PM  
Blogger Artos said...



3:44 PM  
Blogger Turkeysurgeon said...

All you all need to STFU about TBG he would kick your ass blindfolded, and for those who don't know Check out his blog its pretty funny actually.

4:26 PM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

omg... how incredibly smithy. you never fail to disappoint!!

6:29 PM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

oh. and as for "tbg" its real hard to be afraid of someone who could "kick my ass yo" over the internet. maybe if he didnt spend 45 minutes typing like a complete ASSHAT... yeah...

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well if that wasn't predictable from the moment she said "I'm coming over."

Glad to see you've lost your touch.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Breese said...

Lost his touch? rofl I think it's funny as ever. Keep it up!

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


5:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's just on spectacular fail after another.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's just one spectacular fail after another.


9:45 AM  
Blogger zerombr said...

dear anonymous,

first, it'd be funnier if you wrote FFXI'D when referring to your typo, ^_^

secondly, if you are so disgusted with Smithy's posts, then why the heck are you still reading them, let alone posting negatively about it. That makes me infer that you really have nothing more important to do in life than criticize. I used to be like that, upset at the world for no reason. Let it go dude....

2:09 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

holla back turk u mah boy dog! you mah boy!

3:28 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually was expecting a face stab to be honest.

Good way to improvise though.

10:43 PM  

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