Friday, October 20, 2006

I'm Rich, Bitch

Finally, an event I can get behind.

I was doing my usual tour of duty in Yuhtunga Jungle today when I noticed the place was practically empty.

This might have made me happy any other day, but I was in stabbin' mood. Somebody needed to get stabbed or I just wasn't going to be happy.

I was trying to figure out where everyone might be when Shaman showed up.

GoblinShaman>> Hey, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey, Shaman.
GoblinSmithy>> Where the hell is everyone?
GoblinShaman>> Oh.
GoblinShaman>> They're all back at their cities.
GoblinSmithy>> I finally scared them into hiding.
GoblinShaman>> Uhh... No.
GoblinShaman>> They're doing one of those silly events.
GoblinSmithy>> Not again.
GoblinSmithy>> I hate those things.
GoblinShaman>> You hate everything.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...

I decided that I was going to be proactive. Rather than sit around and wait for the morons to show up, I decided to take the fight to them.

Smithy was going to San d'Oria.

I ran through Kazham and hopped on an airship. It's amazing how quickly you can get through customs with a blood covered knife.

A few airship rides after that and I landed in Port Sandy.

I was just standing there, minding my own business and trying to fiure out where to go next, when an adventurer ran up to me.

Figuring he was about to attack me, I reached for my sword.

Before I could pull it out, though, he handed me something.

A pie.

Have you people gone freaking insane?

Why in the hell was this guy handing me baked goods?

Honestly, I was so surprised, I didn't know what to do.

GoblinSmithy>> ... Thanks?
Player>> Dammit.
Player>> It didn't work.

I'm just starting to wonder what he means when he hands me another pie.

Player>> C'mon...
GoblinSmithy>> Thanks.
Player>> DAMMIT!

And he hands me another pie.

Now, my mama didn't raise no fools. So, I stood there and just let him hand me pie.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Then other people started running up to me. And they started handing me things.

Cookies, cakes, pies.

It was beautiful.

They quickly started to stack up and I realized this stuff could be worth a lot of money.

I tried to run to the AH, but damn if they didn't start following me.

Player1>> Give me a hat.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to hell.

And they'd hand me more food.

I must have had 50,000 gil worth of pastries and baked goods, and the morons were still trading to me.

Unfortunately, all of my AH slots were full and my bag was starting to fill up.

Damn you, Bluffnix.

GoblinSmithy>> Okay, okay.
GoblinSmithy>> The event's over now.
GoblinSmithy>> You all win.
GoblinSmithy>> Yay!

But they just stood there with their mindless, unblinking stares.

GoblinSmithy>> You can go home now.
Player2>> Where's my hat?
Player3>> Yeah!
Player3>> I want my hat!
GoblinSmithy>> Uhh...
GoblinSmithy>> I don't have any hats.
Player2>> Are you kidding?!
Player3>> You better have something!
GoblinSmithy>> Uhh...
GoblinSmithy>> I sure do.
GoblinSmithy>> I can turn you all into ghosts.
Player2>> That's not too bad, I guess.
Player3>> It'll due.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay.
GoblinSmithy>> Everyone close your eyes.

And wouldn't you know it? They actually closed their eyes.

It was like shooting fish in a barrel.

Or stabbing fish in a barrel.

A small barrel.

And very stupid fish.

Retarded fish, even.

Still, an event where I make a shitload of gil and get to stab morons?

Sign me up.

9 Comments:

Blogger Duodenum said...

Ugh another event...Thank God I'm at work :-D

2:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You, Mr. Smithy, are an inspiration for all the children. A true role model.

And your blog is primetime sitcom worthy, you know. I can almost HEAR the canned laughter. It's a shame that Rodney Dangerfield is no longer among the living; I envision him as being the ultimate candidate for a show-biz Goblin Smithy.

The only problem with your blog's transfer to network television, as I see it, is all the funny.

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Second thought: is the Smithy dastardly enough to trade the funny of his blog for the money of corporate advertisers?

He HAS emphasized his disdain for gil-buying... but would Everybody Loves Raymond money be able to scrap his scruples?

I feel like the Superfriends narrator.

3:35 AM  
Blogger Cyberdragon said...

"Like shooting fish in a barel
Retarted fish"

^..^ Ok this was priceless.

6:35 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

lol. I hate the event. can't even see the ghost cause of all the damned people following it...waiting till people are done with the event and will let me do it in veiwing range. till then...I'm gonna camp the AH and pray my stuff sells.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i save all the bubble chocolate i make during the year trying to make heart chocolates just for this one durn event. what was 1k a stack and never sold is suddenly 6k a stack and everyone wants it. it's great.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Kittos said...

hahaha XDDD

6:39 PM  
Blogger Celyia said...

You are one of the wittiest writers I've had the pleasure of coming across. You've got a gift for turning words into stories, and, quite honestly, this is one blog I love reading.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Aleczan said...

Haha! I'm glad you had fun in the event.
You could trade those sweets to townsfolks and get a Pumpkin heads or Halloween staff.
I think you're gonna like the pumpkin head because it's as cool as your helm, but it's orange in color! So I bet it's gonna look even better and more handsome!

9:29 AM  

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