Weapon Shopping
I broke a blade off in a Galka's sternum yesterday, so that meant I had to go and pick up a new weapon today.
Had to. That's funny.
The truth is I love to go weapon shopping. I'm like a kid in a candy story.
A homicidal, psychopathic child in a candy store that specializes in items made specifically to murder other living things.
Mmmm Candy.
Anyway, I grabbed all of the gil that I had looted from the corpses of adventurers and headed over to the local weapons shop.
Just opening the door got me excited. All that shiny, potentially deadly metal just waiting to be thrust into someone's torso.
It was like Christmas morning.
I ran around the store grabbing this sword and that axe.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey, Buddy!
GoblinSmithy>> Got any explosives?
Lucretia>> What kind?
Lucretia>> Grenades? Missiles?
GoblinSmithy>> Big.
Lucretia>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Anything big.
GoblinSmithy>> Must be large enough to kill 6 adventurers.
GoblinSmithy>> And possibly nearby Pathfinders.
Lucretia>> ...
Lucretia>> Let me check the backroom.
Lucretia>> Don't take anything.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm insulted.
I actually was a little insulted.
Not by her saying it, but because the idea hadn't occurred to me.
I must be slipping.
As soon as she was out of sight, I grabbed everything I could get my hands on.
Axes. Swords. Knives.
I think I even took a lance. Who in the hell uses a lance for Altana's sake?
I was just about to run out the door when I notice a sticker in the window.
Attention: These premises protected by the 6ABM Security System. Shoplifters will be prosecuted.
Ha!
Like that would scare me.
Now, to just slip out the door...
BlackMage1 starts casting Fire III on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage2 starts casting Fire IV on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage3 starts casting Thunder IV on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage4 starts casting Blizzard III on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage5 starts casting Blizzard III on GoblinSmithy.
6ABM... 6 Angry Black Mages.
Cute.
I had to start running or I was going to be toast. Literally.
Wait...
That was only five Black Mages.
BlackMage6 starts casting Bind on GoblinSmithy.
DAMMIT!
GoblinSmithy>> Can't we talk this over?
Apparently, they weren't in a talking mood.
They were more in a "Let's burn that guy to death" kind of mood.
On the bright side, I got to keep all the pretty new weapons.
Unfortunately, they were fused and melted onto my body.
Still... free weapons are free weapons.
Suckers.
Had to. That's funny.
The truth is I love to go weapon shopping. I'm like a kid in a candy story.
A homicidal, psychopathic child in a candy store that specializes in items made specifically to murder other living things.
Mmmm Candy.
Anyway, I grabbed all of the gil that I had looted from the corpses of adventurers and headed over to the local weapons shop.
Just opening the door got me excited. All that shiny, potentially deadly metal just waiting to be thrust into someone's torso.
It was like Christmas morning.
I ran around the store grabbing this sword and that axe.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey, Buddy!
GoblinSmithy>> Got any explosives?
Lucretia>> What kind?
Lucretia>> Grenades? Missiles?
GoblinSmithy>> Big.
Lucretia>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Anything big.
GoblinSmithy>> Must be large enough to kill 6 adventurers.
GoblinSmithy>> And possibly nearby Pathfinders.
Lucretia>> ...
Lucretia>> Let me check the backroom.
Lucretia>> Don't take anything.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm insulted.
I actually was a little insulted.
Not by her saying it, but because the idea hadn't occurred to me.
I must be slipping.
As soon as she was out of sight, I grabbed everything I could get my hands on.
Axes. Swords. Knives.
I think I even took a lance. Who in the hell uses a lance for Altana's sake?
I was just about to run out the door when I notice a sticker in the window.
Attention: These premises protected by the 6ABM Security System. Shoplifters will be prosecuted.
Ha!
Like that would scare me.
Now, to just slip out the door...
BlackMage1 starts casting Fire III on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage2 starts casting Fire IV on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage3 starts casting Thunder IV on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage4 starts casting Blizzard III on GoblinSmithy.
BlackMage5 starts casting Blizzard III on GoblinSmithy.
6ABM... 6 Angry Black Mages.
Cute.
I had to start running or I was going to be toast. Literally.
Wait...
That was only five Black Mages.
BlackMage6 starts casting Bind on GoblinSmithy.
DAMMIT!
GoblinSmithy>> Can't we talk this over?
Apparently, they weren't in a talking mood.
They were more in a "Let's burn that guy to death" kind of mood.
On the bright side, I got to keep all the pretty new weapons.
Unfortunately, they were fused and melted onto my body.
Still... free weapons are free weapons.
Suckers.
posted by Goblin Smithy at 12:20 AM
6 Comments:
i like candy
Should've waited till Lucretia came back with the big bomb, then snuck out with the weapons and use it on the BLM's. Free weapons > candy.
/sigh
As much as i love readin your work smithy/dave i think the pace has slowed somewhat. Older posts make me laught out loud, whereas the newo nes just dont have the same kick.
Please, even if it means taking a week off to think up some new material, bring back the really good stuff.
A Fan
"As much as i love readin your work smithy/dave i think the pace has slowed somewhat."
What? It's exactly the same high quality to me. Are you sure it's not just your perception of the work that's changed? Because it's still great to me.
I think they're getting better personally.
What about just the Penta thrust that comes with lances in general?
Crotch stabbing penta thrust
That has a wonderful ring to it doesn't it? That ears ringing because of the amazing pain and blood loss coming from your crotch.
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