Friday, July 28, 2006

The Dentist

When I woke up this morning, I had a terrible toothache.

I mean DAY-YAM!

So, I called a local dentist and made an emergency appointment.

This in and of itself was not easy.

Do you know how hard it is to find someone willing to do work on a Goblin?

"Hey, I carry a giant sword, anger management issues, and spend most of my day stabbing people in the throat. Could you poke around in my mouth knowing that if you cause me even the slightest discomfort, I may have to gut you like me a pig?"

That doesn't go over so well.

Still, I somehow managed to find a dentist willing to see me.

I'm not sure if this is a Yay or not.

Now, my appointment was for 10 am sharp. As I am in a tremendous amount of pain, I show up perfectly on time.

I then find out the dentist is two hours behind.

Upon finding this out, I immediately start warming up my right arm.

Good old stabby.

Do you know what works wonders for terrible, terrible pain? Sitting in a waiting room reading Time magazines from 1982.

I'm really looking forward to that Rocky movie.

When he finally calls me in three hours later, I'm in no mood to be civil.

GoblinSmithy>> Tooth.
GoblinSmithy>> Pain.
GoblinSmithy>> Fix.
Dentist>> Okay...
Dentist>> So, how are things with you?
GoblinSmithy>> No, no.
GoblinSmithy>> No talking.
GoblinSmithy>> Talking equals stabbing.
Dentist>> Okay. No problem.
Dentist>> Could you take off the mask?
GoblinSmithy>> Sure.
Dentist>> SWEET MERCIFUL LORD!!!
Dentist>> I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF EVIL!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> Can we get on with this?
Dentist>> ... Sure we can.
Dentist>> ...
Dentist>> I'm sorry. Where's your mouth?
GoblinSmithy>> Right here.
Dentist>> Could you excuse me for a second?
Dentist>> I need to go vomit.
GoblinSmithy>> Just give me the needle and get to work.
Dentist>> Fine.
Dentist>> This may sting a little.
GoblinSmithy>> If it does, your torso may sting a lot.
GoblinSmithy>> Got it?
Dentist>> ...
Dentist>> I can do this.

Apparently, he could not.

Making a dentist scream was actually much more satisfying than you might think.

Tomorrow, I'm sending a bill to his family.

14 Comments:

Anonymous freespirit said...

should've groin stabbed him as well =D

12:56 AM  
Blogger Artos said...

I'm more of a Rambo man myself.

1:29 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

Dentist>> Could you take off the mask?
GoblinSmithy>> Sure.
Dentist>> SWEET MERCIFUL LORD!!!
Dentist>> I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF EVIL!!!

I take it you have the horrible goblin genetics?

2:34 AM  
Blogger Reeree said...

How exactly would horrible goblin genetics be discernable from excellent goblin genetics?

5:24 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

Awww poor Smithy. Did you at least get your tooth fixed?

9:57 AM  
Blogger Rich said...

"How exactly would horrible goblin genetics be discernable from excellent goblin genetics?"

Horrible goblin genetics:

"Dentist>> SWEET MERCIFUL LORD!!!
Dentist>> I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF EVIL!!!"

Excellent goblin genetics:

"Dentist>> HOLY ALTANA!
Dentist>> WHAT THE HELL *IS* THAT?!"

Slight, subtle variations.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Raine said...

Exactually. I drew a goblin without a mask once. It was not pretty. then I gave it wings and it was. XD

9:31 PM  
Blogger Aylee said...

I don't mind the pain.

I don't even mind the needle.

It's the painful needle jabbing in the back of your eyeball because for some stupid reason the dentist seems to think your teeth are located in the back of your skull.. that I can't stand.

11:26 AM  
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