I hate chocobos.
See, I had a great plan. I was going to open my very own chocobo dealership.
Crazy Smithy's Chocobo Hut.
I mean, that's like money in the bank, right?
How's a Taru supposed to run anywhere? His legs are like a quarter of an inch long.
So, I go ahead and start working out the details. I talked to my friend Bluffnix and he agreed to back the deal.
The money was taken care of. Beautiful.
I even made a deal to supply chocobo eggs to all of the chocobo stables for even more profit.
I was going to be rich.
Then I figured I'd just have some chocobos shipped in. How much could that cost, right?
Answer: a hell of a freakin' lot.
That was out.
Then Shaman suggested a great idea.
GoblinShaman>> Why don't you just breed your own?
Now, that was smart.
So, I go out and catch two chocobos in the wild.
Well... not so much "in the wild".
It may have involved actually removing them from beneath a few adventurers and then murdering them.
That part was kind of fun.
Then all I had to do was get those big, yellow freaks to make some babies.
How hard could that be, right?
Answer: freakin' hard.
I did everything I could think of. I got the female chocobo drunk. I played Barry White music.
But just as I was about to give up on the whole project and have a chocobarbecue, they finally gave into their primal, carnal urges.
ie, Bow chikka wow wow.
My plan was working.
Then the eggs hatched.
My plan turned to complete crap.
The first batch just spontaneously exploded.
Little bits of charred chocobo meat flying in every direction.
I'm not even going to talk about the Taru who was riding one.
It wasn't pretty.
Then the batch after that had some "anatomical abnormalities".
I'm not going to explain, but just let me say it would have been a great day to be a female chocobo.
Made it hard for them to run though.
Then there was the one with a backwards left leg. Poor bastard.
Just stood there running in circles...
I felt so bad for these poor, majestic creatures.
Plus, the meat was awful chewy.
I guess I'm just not meant to be rich.
Only one good thing came out of the whole deal.
I gave Pathfinder one of the first batch.
There is nothing funnier than watching someone you hate getting blown up while riding a giant mutant chicken.