Saturday, July 15, 2006

DING!!! 100!!!

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

I hate chocobos.

See, I had a great plan. I was going to open my very own chocobo dealership.

Crazy Smithy's Chocobo Hut.

I mean, that's like money in the bank, right?

How's a Taru supposed to run anywhere? His legs are like a quarter of an inch long.

So, I go ahead and start working out the details. I talked to my friend Bluffnix and he agreed to back the deal.

The money was taken care of. Beautiful.

I even made a deal to supply chocobo eggs to all of the chocobo stables for even more profit.

I was going to be rich.

Then I figured I'd just have some chocobos shipped in. How much could that cost, right?

Answer: a hell of a freakin' lot.

That was out.

Then Shaman suggested a great idea.

GoblinShaman>> Why don't you just breed your own?

Now, that was smart.

So, I go out and catch two chocobos in the wild.

Well... not so much "in the wild".

It may have involved actually removing them from beneath a few adventurers and then murdering them.

That part was kind of fun.

Then all I had to do was get those big, yellow freaks to make some babies.

How hard could that be, right?

Answer: freakin' hard.

I did everything I could think of. I got the female chocobo drunk. I played Barry White music.

Nothing.

But just as I was about to give up on the whole project and have a chocobarbecue, they finally gave into their primal, carnal urges.

ie, Bow chikka wow wow.

YAY!

My plan was working.

Then the eggs hatched.

YAY!

My plan turned to complete crap.

The first batch just spontaneously exploded.

Little bits of charred chocobo meat flying in every direction.

I'm not even going to talk about the Taru who was riding one.

It wasn't pretty.

Then the batch after that had some "anatomical abnormalities".

I'm not going to explain, but just let me say it would have been a great day to be a female chocobo.

Made it hard for them to run though.

Then there was the one with a backwards left leg. Poor bastard.

Just stood there running in circles...

I felt so bad for these poor, majestic creatures.

Plus, the meat was awful chewy.

Sigh.

I guess I'm just not meant to be rich.

Only one good thing came out of the whole deal.

I gave Pathfinder one of the first batch.

There is nothing funnier than watching someone you hate getting blown up while riding a giant mutant chicken.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Sexy Mithra said...

Poor smithy i'm sure you'll get money somehow.... You can always go kill lizzy some more and steal her boots and sell em.... HA 1st POST!

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Kavlar said...

"I gave Pathfinder one of the first batch.

There is nothing funnier than watching someone you hate getting blown up while riding a giant mutant chicken."


Hahahaha, classic.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So... If the batch that exploded was the "first," how can there be a "batch before that?" Then you reconfirmed that the exploding batch was the first by saying you have Pathfinder one of the first batch, followed by mentioning that the chocobo exploded...

So... did the orcs petition that the definition of "before" be rewritten to mean "after" or did they want "first" to mean "second?"

I'm so going to get stabbed...

1:36 AM  
Blogger Silver 9 said...

"I gave Pathfinder one of the first batch.

There is nothing funnier than watching someone you hate getting blown up while riding a giant mutant chicken."

I can see it now...

GoblinPathfinder>>Hey look! A p-*explodes*

Absoultely genius. XD

2:50 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

Not exactually one of the best blogs so far. Maybe you mssed up the chocoboys and got 2 of the same gender on accident? You can nver tell with giant mutant chickens.

3:02 AM  
Blogger kitty monk said...

" Raine said...

Not exactually one"


>.> Exactually? That's a new one.

3:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this! Smithy, perhaps you should just go steal a few more chocobos. Sandoria stables has em just roaming around outside!

if you get enough of em together they're bound to start making babies that AREN'T deformed. Not to mention you could make a killing if you bred one of the 'rare' black or red Chocobos. XD Try that on for size.

From a Taru in Titan

5:32 AM  
Blogger WindowOfTheSoul said...

"Bow-chicka-bow-wow."

You could always sell pictures...? I know of a few mithra interested in choco-beastiality....

*Evil grin.*

5:37 AM  
Anonymous LinsaranSylph said...

HAHAHA that right there forced me to do a quick MSpaint job of one of my goblin pathfinder pics. Here

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funniest one yet.

12:38 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

hehehehe!!!

9:58 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Woo! Congrats on 100 posts! Here's to many hundred more in your future! :D

11:17 AM  
Blogger Goblin Butcher said...

Congratulations on the 100 posts!!

By the way, can you give me lessons on how to be a better killing machine? You cut through Valkurm! It was an amazing sight to behold. It'd be nice to be able to kill all the idiots in that hellhole.

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Nigga with a gun~ said...

FuCk DeM bItChEs Up G!!!!
YoU kNoW hOw We Do!!!!

7:51 PM  
Blogger zerombr said...

*peers up one post*

.....

*rolls up a newspaper, and tags the poster in the nose*

NO! Bad Poster!

11:11 PM  
Blogger Meroduin said...

Maybe you shouldn't have used Cletus Brand Chocobos for your stud...

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:47 AM  

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