Thursday, July 06, 2006

Smithy: The Revenge

Given yesterday's... misfortune, I was angry.

All I wanted was to take out my stress on a bunch of hapless n00bs and stab them to death.

Is that so much to ask?

But no. I go to Yuhtunga Jungle, rife with brainless adventurers, and I end up getting electrocuted to death.

Does that sound like a stress reliever?

So, today I woke up on a mission. I was going to kill as many n00bs as it took to make me feel better.

That would be a lot.

Now, where could I find a near endless supply of adventurers that would offer absolutely no resistance with almost no chance of high level players getting in the way?

Are you thinking Valkurm, too?

I know some of you may not play the game and you may not know what Valkurm Dunes is. Let me explain.

Imagine a long, flowing beach with golden sands and palm trees. You can practically smell the sea air.

Sounds nice, huh?

Now, imagine that same beach only littered with the bodies of absolute retards. This is the place where n00bs go to die.

Just zoning into the area makes your IQ drop by 30 points.

But, if you're trying to find some soft torsos to perforate, this is the place for you.

So, I decided to make a special trip to the dunes and bring an end to the age of men...

And Elvaan...

And Mithra...

Ah, hell. I was gonna kill me up some adventurer trash.

I grabbed a quick Teleport-Holla from a passing Quadav WHM and then walked South to Valkurm Dunes.

The very second I zoned in, a hush fell over the area. Battles being fought ground to a halt. Random shouts broke off into silence.

And then the sweetest four words...

Player>> OH SHIT!!! A SMITHY!!!

I'd feel bad for them if they were intelligent creatures.

Or if I actually cared.

Instead, I showed them a new landscape of pain. Adventurer after adventurer fell before my sword, broken and bloody.

I love vacations.

You'd think I'd get tired after a while.

You'd be wrong.

I just kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing...

Did I mention the stabbing?

Hour after hour, I just walked the sands either killing a moron or looking for the next.

Sometimes, I'd wait by the zone line.

Player>> Level 11 RDM/BLM looking for party
GoblinSmithy>> (( Team Up? ))
Player>> OHSHIT!! AGGRO!!!

GoblinSmithy hits Player for 274 points of damage.
Player was defeated by GoblinSmithy.

GoblinSmithy>> (( Disbanding Party. ))

I have to admit, it was a lot of fun.

And it made me feel so much better.

Nothing like wiping out an entire area to make you feel like a big man.

So there I was, dancing on a pile of mutilated adventurers. Each one uglier than the last.

Truly this is a monument to my greatness.

GoblinShaman>> Umm... Smithy?
GoblinShaman>> What are you doing?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, hey, Shaman.
GoblinSmithy>> I didn't see you there.
GoblinSmithy>> What are you doing in Valkurm?
GoblinShaman>> I'm grabbing the vortex to Lufaise.
GoblinShaman>> What are you doing here?
GoblinSmithy>> Not much.
GoblinSmithy>> Just laying down some goblin justice.
GoblinShaman>> In Valkurm?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... yeah...
GoblinShaman>> But you're level 35.
GoblinShaman>> Isn't that a little sad?
GoblinSmithy>> What do you mean?
GoblinShaman>> You're killing people 20 levels below you.
GoblinShaman>> Couldn't get an appointment at a school for the blind?

Damn that Shaman and putting things in perspective.

He did have a point, though. There really wasn't much point murdering people 20 plus levels below me.

It's like kicking the shit out of a kindergarten class.

I'd been having so much fun. And now, it was all ruined.

There had to be something I could do to fix the situation.

And then it hit me...

So there I was, dancing on a pile of mutilated adventurers.

And one Goblin Shaman.


Blogger Myloko said...

Yay for Smithy justice! :D!

12:58 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...


Hey Smithy ....

I had no idea you were so talented ... >.>

1:33 AM  
Blogger Artos said...

No powerlevelers in Valkurm?

What is this pack of lies?!

3:15 AM  
Anonymous kavlar said...

Smithy in the dunes...oh god. I bet you feel so much better now.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

First of all artos :) The PL'rs were all called away for an emergency.. Smithy stabbed an AH vendor, so their linkshell's were all sceaming "ZOMG my peacock necklace!" Since all the items seem to have been looted... again!

Nice job smithy :) the area does need a "clensing" now and then!
BTW you were lucky a friend of mine was passing by just before you go blasted with that thunder IV yesterday, word has it he jammed an epidural in you spine while he was {hide} just before you go hit :) Imagine that an adventurer trying to save a smithy from agony! ((i know unbelieveable, we're trying to get him treatment but the bloody THF keeps hiding!

5:52 AM  
Blogger Citizen Bleys said...

Must be the same feeling I get from tearing a swath through Oldton Movalpolis with Tachi: Kasha on my way to ENM60. Starting from the Gusgen Mines entrance.

8:58 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Aw man, Goblin Shaman's going to kick your ass for killing him. Poor Smithy. *pats* :D

11:22 AM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

Smithy justice, ftw!

Shaman deserved it. >:D

3:54 PM  
Blogger Plight said...

Man you should've done that so long ago-- Shaman's led you through so much crap, it was about time for some vengeance.

7:49 PM  
Blogger Reeree said...

So, apart from getting face stabbed, what exactly was Shaman doing there?

Did it involve kissing shy little boys on the tummy because he was overcome with the urge to touch them like a kitten? No, that sounds more like something Pathfinder would do.

6:24 AM  
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