Where Did The Weekend Go?

I know there was a weekend.

Chronologically speaking, there pretty much had to be.

I remember there being a Thursday. I remember Thursday.

And then there was Friday morning. It was kind of blurry, but I remember Friday morning.

That was kind of fun.

Then things are just hazy after that.

Next thing I know, it's Monday morning, I'm not wearing any pants, and I'm lying next to the flaming wreckage of a Ford Pathfinder.

We must have had a great time.

Thursday night, we started partying.

And by partying, I mean drinking. Heavily.

We made Pathfinder stay sober, though. We needed someone to drive us around and he is the only one with a car.

He was the only one with a car.

There were New Year's parties going on everywhere, but we decided to head over to Castle O since that's where most people were hanging out.

It.

Was.

Insane.

Apparently, someone thought it would be funny to get a Mandragora stoned. Little guy just kept running in circles and putting half the room to sleep.

It was kind of cute.

Then he started beating the hell out of Pathfinder.

It was kind of cute.

Then I heard two beautiful, wonderful words that changed the course of history...

Open bar.

I tore through that bar like a sword through a Taru torso.

Things just got messy after that.

Luckily, the police report I was given has a pretty accurate list of the weekend's festivities.

Even the ones I don't remember.


Friday 1 am

- speeding through Rolanberry Fields in new looking Ford Pathfinder
- Shaman casting Fire III on random crawlers
- passengers may have been drinking

Friday 3 am

- found near a slightly damaged Ford Pathfinder
- Smithy and Shaman apparently convinced Pathfinder to attempt charming a Goobbue
- Pathfinder found severely bleeding
- passengers have been drinking

Friday 9 am

- 3 Goblins found passed out in Beadeaux
- one Goblin had been renamed to Pathfinder the Uneducated

Friday 5 pm

- several reports of flashers received from Mithras in Kazham
- descriptions match Goblins sighted Thursday night
- one pointy iron subligar found at scene

Friday 9 pm

- several taverns in San d'Oria were robbed of cash and large amounts of alcohol
- owners all suffered serious eye wounds
- badly damaged SUV seen speeding away

Saturday 2 am

- 3 Goblins seen driving through Valkurm Dunes
- 28 adventurers found run down by vehicle
- 27 had been urinated on
- last found with note reading "Sorry. Well ran dry."

Saturday 8 am

- Pathfinder found tied up and beaten in Maze of Shakrami
- apparently he'd had several hundred eyes painted on him

Saturday 12 pm

- heavily damaged SUV seen speeding through Rolanberry fields again
- 42 bazaars found run down and looted

Saturday 6 pm

- 3 Goblins seen running through Qufim
- Kraken chased them through zone screaming something about his mother

Saturday 9 pm

- Ogygos found burned to death in Delkfutt's Tower
- body was covered in Gigas socks and stab wounds

Sunday 3 am

- Goblin Smithy found in Yhoator Jungle stabbing a Blue Mage

Sunday 5 am

- Smithy found in Yhoator Jungle still stabbing Blue Mage

Sunday 8 am

- Smithy found in Yhoator Jungle stabbing unidentifiable corpse
- may have been a Blue Mage

Sunday 1 pm

- outpost guard found horribly, horribly murdered
- note reading "Where's your Garrison now, BITCH?" found on body

Sunday 7 pm

- SUV seen speeing through Beaucidine Glacier
- Goblins screaming "Linkin Park Sucks" out of windows
- vehicle was chased by Demons for several minutes before they gave up and went home to cry and cut themselves or something


The officers tell me that that's only what they could pin on us.

On the bright side, Shaman was cooking up a great breakfast over the flaming wreckage of Pathfinder's car.

I'm not quite sure where he got the meat to.

As I cannot find Pathfinder anywhere, he is either currently missing or currently being fried up with a side of eggs.

Best weekend ever.

I just wish I could remember it.