Mobucon 2006

Alternate Title: "Smithy Cons IT++"

It's that time of year again.

You could practically smell the unwashed masses sat at home preparing their cosplay gear.

That's right. It time for MOBUCON 2006!!!

When I arrived at the convention centre this morning, I was pleased to see that so many people were attending.

To be honest, I didn't expect many people to show up.

Last year's convention went slightly awry when a group of Adventurer Black Mages crashed the party and started casting Thundaga III on the crowds.

At first people thought it was just a bunch of Yagudos LARPing, but then the smell of burnt flesh hit the air and it was sheer anarchy.

I barely had time to loot a few Evangelion boxed sets.

This year was different though. We had Absolute Virtue at the front gate working security.

And no Wall of Justice around either, you cheap bitches.

A few Black Mages tried hiding behind the Dairy Queen next door.

We had some ice cream after Virtue gutted the little bastards.

So, I walk into the main hall of the convention centre and I'm absolutely blown away.

There are booths as far as the draw distance can see.

Off to one side, there's a Qiqirn from the Near East selling Pocky. Also, what appears to be the roasted corpse of a Taru.

Damn, I love Pocky.

Then there's the Adventurer Headgear booth where you can purchase a special Helm made from any species of Adventurer.

There's nothing as cute as a Mandragora wearing a Mithra Headgear.

Just down the main thoroughfare is a huge booth selling a variety of T-shirts.

My favorites are the "Provoke" shirt and the "Choo Choo, Bitches" goblin train shirt.

Also available in baby T sizes for the ladies.

Or Triple-X Ugly for Gigas.

Then I see some little punk bastard selling bootleg copies of a new Anime movie.

What is wrong with people? How could someone actually copy such important art and then sell it on the street like common trash? It's just revolting.

I could barely contain my disgust as I picked up a few copies.

I'm just starting to get into the whole CON thing, when I am affronted by the most disgusting thing I have ever seen: Sailor Moon.

That is to say a Qutrub wearing a homemade Sailor Moon costume complete with Magic Wand and life like sweat stains.

GoblinSmithy>> Seriously.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is wrong with you?
SailorUgly>> I'm cosplaying.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> You're disgusting.
SailorUgly>> You just don't understand Anime.
GoblinSmithy>> What's to understand?
GoblinSmithy>> You make me wish I had eye cancer.
SailorUgly>> Shut up.
SailorUgly>> I made this costume myself.
GoblinSmithy>> It must have taken you a long time.
GoblinSmithy>> So long that you didn't get time for a shower.
SailorUgly>> What's that supposed to mean?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> I couldn't hear you over the smell.
SailorUgly>> You're an ass.
Goblinsmithy>> You smell like ass.
SailorUgly>> YOU BASTARD!
SailorUgly>> You're going to pay for that!
GoblinSmithy>> Wow. I'm really scared.
SailorUgly>> I stand for love...
GoblinSmithy>> Oh lord.
SailorUgly>> And I also stand for justice...
GoblinSmithy>> Could we hurry this up?
GoblinSmithy>> I've got to burn this image out of my brain.
SailorUgly>> And in the name of the Moon...
GoblinSmithy>> Don't blame this on the moon.
GoblinSmithy>> Blame spandex.
Sailor Ugly>> I WILL PUNISH YOU!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Looking at you is punishment enough.
GoblinSmithy>> The smell should be considered a war crime.
SailorUgly>> MAGICAL MOON STRIKE!

And then that freak hit me.

In the head.

With a plastic wand.

GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that?
SailorUgly>> Taste Moon Justice!
Goblinsmithy>> That's it?
GoblinSmithy>> The smell did more damage than that.
SailorUgly>> OH YEAH?!
GoblinSmithy>> Wow. Nice comeback.
GoblinSmithy>> Ouch.
SailorUgly>> We'll end you now!
GoblinSmithy>> This is just getting...

Wait...

Did he just say we?

SailorUgly2>> Sailor Venus!
SailorUgly3>> Sailor Mercury!
SailorUgly4>> Sailor Mars!
SailorUgly5>> Sailor Jupiter!
GoblinSmithy>> Could someone stop society please?
GoblinSmithy>> I'd like to get off now.
SailorUglies>> TASTE JUSTICE, EVIL DOER!!!

They swarmed me like a pack of dogs.

Like a pack of sweaty, ugly dogs wrapped in spandex.

I was sure it was the end.

SailorUgly>> WAIT!!!
SailorUgly>> LOOK!!! IT'S TUXEDO MASK!!!

Out of nowhere, someone in a tuxedo and cape leapt in front of me, protecting me from their revolting horde.

TuxedoMask>> Don't worry, Sailors.
TuxedoMask>> I'll handle this monster.
SailorUgly>> Oh thank you, Tuxedo Mask.

Ugly times five turned and walked away.

Must be time to head back to their parent's basements.

Unsure of what to do, I picked myself up and prepared myself to fight this Tuxedo Moron.

TuxedoMask>> Heya, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Don't tell me.
TuxedoMask>> Hey look!
TuxedoMask>> A path!
GoblinSmithy>> Someone kill me please.