Garrison: The Revenge
I'm not a dumb guy.
I'm not stupid.
I can form logical thoughts and even make logical decisions.
So why in the name of hell do I keep signing up for Garrison?
Honestly. Orcs learn faster than this.
I blame the money.
How can I be expected to make good decisions when "The Company" is waving a big stack of cash under my nose?
This wicked cool armor isn't free, you know.
And dry cleaning n00b blood gets awful damned pricey.
I mean, I get killed on a daily basis anyway. Why not make some good cash out of the deal?
So, I get gangraped by an alliance of NPCs.
It's a living.
Today, though. Today something odd happened.
I signed up for Garrison knowing full well that I would probably die. I had come to accept it.
I suited up, sharpened my blade, and then headed over to Buburimu Peninsula.
But when I got there, I did not find a horde of Goblins ready to strike fear (and swords) into the souls (and skulls) of men.
I found Shaman.
And his fear striking abilities were questionable.
GoblinShaman>> Heya, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> ... uh... Hi, Shaman.
GoblinSmithy>> Team's running a little light tonight.
GoblinShaman>> This's our lucky night.
GoblinSmithy>> Your definition of lucky must be different.
GoblinSmithy>> I don't define mass perforation as "lucky".
GoblinShaman>> Have I ever steered you wrong?
GoblinSmithy>> Several times actually.
GoblinShaman>> It wasn't several.
GoblinSmithy>> It's all itemized on my hospital bill.
GoblinSmithy>> My 16 page hospital bill.
GoblinShaman>> When did you turn into such a little bitch?
GoblinSmithy>> Right around the third skin graft.
GoblinShaman>> Well, quit your whining.
GoblinShaman>> You'll enjoy this.
I started to make a concise argument (read: I must just about to stab him in the eyeball) when I heard the soft hum of a warp.
It was time to die.
There was a slight blur as we were warped to the outpost and we spawned not far from the guard.
Immediately, I heard something.
Was it the low rumbling of an NPC alliance bearing down upon us?
Was it the warcry of 18 adventurers waiting for us?
Was it a total freakin' retard standing there mumbling to himself?
Player: Does anyone know what "Garrison" is?
Player: The guard said something about an attack.
One single, solitary adventurer.
Wait... correction. I miscounted.
One single, solitary adventurer and one NPC that did not look too impressed.
NPC>> Can I join you guys?
GoblinSmithy>> Sorry. Full party.
I should explain at this point that it is possible for a single player to start a Garrison event.
It is not intelligent to do so, but it is possible.
This poor, unfortunate soul (read: drooling, uneducated moron) had walked up to the outpost guard and traded a Garrison trigger item.
Without finding out what would happen.
I could practically hear Darwin laughing.
GoblinSmithy>> Hello there, Adventurer.
GoblinSmithy>> Can we help you with something today?
Player>> OH DAMN! GOBLINS!
GoblinSmithy>> You were expecting clowns perhaps?
I've never been so happy to stab someone in the face before. It was like opening a present on Christmas morning.
A present full of brain matter, but still.
And then we turned our attention on the NPC.
NPC>> Listen, guys.
NPC>> I'm just doing my job.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe you should look into a new career.
NPC>> You're going to kill me aren't you?
GoblinSmithy>> I'd have to lean towards a yes on that one.
I didn't stop when his name went gray.
I didn't even stop when he hit the ground.
By my count, I had been killed by roughly 36 NPCs. This bitch was going to die 36 times.
I like to be thorough.
And then, when I finally, finally stopped stabbing her dead, mutilated corpse, she said the funniest thing.
NPC>> Damn, I hate Garrison.