Tuesday, June 06, 2006

We're On Fire Up In Here

Alternate Title: "We Don't Need No Water, Let That Smithy Burn."

At first, the idea of respawning after death sounded really cool.

I mean, you die and then POOF, you're back in the game.

We're practically immortal.

Sweet, right?

Of course, I didn't see the fine print that told me how much that shit hurt.

Also, FYI, respawning does not cure burns.

Good to know.

This weekend was a constant struggle not to just quit my job as a Smithy.

Seriously. They don't pay me enough to keep taking this kind of punishment. If it wasn't for my intense hatred of adventurers, I'd have quit years ago.

I could do a lot of different things.

Lawyer... Doctor...

Male stripper.

But no. I have to stick around in this hellhole where people light me on fire on a daily basis.

On Saturday, I was in Yuhtunga Jungle just hanging out, when this little Taru ran past me.

I, of course, start chasing him. Imagine the nerve of this little bastard to just run right in front of me.

Perhaps removing his spinal column will teach him some manners.

So, I'm chasing him through the Jungle and laying a beating on him. He drops down one of those little holes and I chase right in after him.

And that's when I see it.

BlackMage1 starts casting Fire IV on the GoblinSmithy.

Oh damn.

BlackMage1 casts Fire IV on the GoblinSmithy.
GoblinSmithy takes 1,287 points of damage.
GoblinSmithy was defeated by BlackMage1.

Apparently, some high level Black Mage was on his way through the Jungle and decided to help out the little Taru bastard.

Isn't it nice to do good deeds?

I hate you people.

Since I had no way of getting a raise, I respawned. And POOF, I'm just outside the zoneline to Kazham.

A quick look around and I can see a lot of parties in the area.

It's like a buffet.

And then I see it:

Warrior>> Let's all kill this Smithy!
Warriors calls for help!

Suddenly, my name went orange and everyone in town decided to beat the living hell out of me.

Party after party after party all joined together in the bond of stabbing me to death.

Great. I'm dead again.

I hate weekends.

Unfortunately, I still had a few hours left on my shift and had to do something. So, I respawned and hoped for a better day.

POOF! I'm standing in a tunnel.

Nice and quiet. Isolated. Perfect.

Summoner starts casting Ifrit.


Ifrit uses Flame Crush.
GoblinSmithy takes 1,493 points of damage.
GoblinSmithy was defeated by Ifrit.

Freakin' wonderful.

And that's how my whole day went.

Respawn. Lit on fire.

Respawn. Stabbed in face.

Respawn. Dead.

Respawn. Dead.

It was not a good day for my self-esteem issues.

Or my flesh.

But do you want to know the worst part?

The absolute worst part?

I wa minding my own business in Jungle, looking for stray body parts that may have fallen off, when I see the little Taru from earlier.

Now, why did he look different?

It's probably the AFB that makes him look a little taller.


Wait... did I say AFB?

Taru>> Let's see who's laughing now, BITCH!

BlackMage2 starts casting Fire IV on the GoblinSmithy.


BlackMage2 casts Fire IV on the GoblinSmithy.
GoblinSmithy takes 1,581 points of damage.
GoblinSmithy was defeated by BlackMage2.

I don't mind getting my ass handed to me.

Or barbecued.

But getting beat down by the little bugger that got away from me in the first place?

That chapped my ass.

If I had any nerve endings or was capable of walking, I would so murder that little retard.

Note to self: Stop respawning.


Anonymous Monty said...

Smithy, at least you didn't have to put up with pathfinder on saturday. At least you didn't mention him.

2:27 AM  
Blogger Skyline_Evo8 said...

What's an AFB?

3:54 AM  
Blogger Jhes said...

I'm guessing AFB is another term for AF2.

4:25 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

RAWR!!!!! damn those taru!!!
Thats it smithy i've had enough, how about you and me and some of the commenters here all sort this problem out for you and scare the crap out of some people...

Picture this... Its midday in the jungle and smithy is out slowly walking in unpredicatble patterns around the zoneline in the jungle. The are one or two parties that seem to be in normal camp sites splattering mandys, all is well with the world, the mandys are dropping fast the sun is shining.

Suddenly an asshat blackmage and his taru friend come wandering into the jungle, hate burning in thier eyes and retardation flowing off them in waves. They make a beeline straight for smithy and making sure he's not seen the taru gets behind smithy and {sneak attack} stabs smithy in the ass..

Smithy is not amused...

The taru thinks its hilarious and as smithy is stabbing him in the face he's standing there {/joy}ing and {/point}ing and {/laugh}ing at smithy...

Smithy's rage is reaching thermonuclear...

Suddenly the taru starts looking around, he has an audience, the two parties seem to have stopped their murderous slaughter of the mandys and are standing in a circle around the smithy and his tormenters. They all {/kneel} before the smithy leaving the taru with delusions that they are worshipping him.

Then the shit hits the fan...

1. Smithy recieves invite to join party...

2. Another 4 adventurers drop out of {invisible} outside the ring of 12.

3. Smithy joins a full alliance,

4. The taru {/panic}s as he realises that he is no longer getting healed by his BLM friend.

Smithy stops stabbing for a moment, and notices that the BLM is no longer there.

AllianceMember4>> Hey Smithy, is this the one?

GoblinSmithy>> What the f&*k?

AllianceMember2>> Oh the Blackmage, we invited him with the promise of bringing down even more torture on you than he had planned.. then {Warp}2'd his ass :)

::colour drains from taru's face::

::Smithy's eyes positively glow and flare in joy behind his mask::

GoblinSmithy>> Taru Chiefkabob anyone!?

GoblinSmithy>> Let's see who's laughing NOW!!, BIATCH!

6:10 AM  
Blogger kitty monk said...

Good lord why to people insist on trying to write mockups in these blogs? -.-


"I'm guessing AFB is another term for AF2."

AF2 is the quest you do for your original AF armor. AFb, or Relic is the high level stuff.

7:43 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

Nerf BLM plzkthx.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Rich said...

"Nerf BLM"
Referred here...

So now they're trying to be polite as they butcher the language. Fun!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Who'd have thought I could actually feel sorry for you, Smithy. *sigh* I apologize for hunting you down and killing you for my own amusement. (Though at least it wasn't with fire?)

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow i might actually....stop killing smithys in the jungle...nah

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haven't been back in the jungle since a while back, but I'll remember this blog when I am.^^ On a side note... those mandies put up a better fight than the goblins ;)

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a question for Smithy...
If adventurers are what you exp on... are [GM]s like NMs?

Just wondering ^^;

10:03 PM  
Blogger Reeree said...

Hippy mandragora with their Dream Flower.

I would never kill Goblin Smithy for revenge if he stabbed me for running past him.

For one thing, I'm level 5.

For another, if I were to fight him, it would be because he has gil.

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

awww poor Smithy's ass

12:02 PM  

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