Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I <3 Irony

Alternate Title: "Who's laughing now?"

As we've discussed on many an occasion, I am a fan of revenge.

I mean, there's just something so sweet about handing out a little vengeance and bringing someone's actions back to haunt them.

Remember that thing you did? Yeah? Here's a knife in the throat.

Now, you adventurers love revenge, as well. You love getting back at me for all those time I killed you.

And possibly the laughing.

So what do they do? They give you the perfect means of exacting the ultimate revenge:

They give you Blue Mage and let you learn Bomb Toss.

Yay.

Suddenly, every damn player has Blue Mage leveled enough for Bomb Toss and are coming after me.

Player>> HAHA GOBBY!
Player>> EAT BOMB!

This, of course, sucks. As I'm sure most of you know, those bombs really freakin' hurt.

It's okay, though...

Cause Smithy gets the ultimate revenge.

Earlier today, yet another one of these Blue Mage wonders came after me in the Jungle.

I'm just minding my own business, killing n00bs and saving mandies. You know, doing my job.

When suddenly, this halfwit runs up and starts attacking me.

GoblinSmithy>> Well, hello there.
GoblinSmithy>> Did you actually choose to attack me?
Player>> Oh hell yeah.
Player>> You're mine today, Gobby.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry. You cannot have me.
GoblinSmithy>> We are having a sale on swords today.

*FACE STAB*

Player>> That's funny.
GoblinSmithy>> Thank you.
GoblinSmithy>> Corpses rarely get my sense of humor.
Player>> Oh, don't you worry.
Player>> I'll have the last laugh.
GoblinSmithy>> I really doubt it.
GoblinSmithy>> Unless you find death amusing.
Player>> Yeah?
Player>> Do you find this amusing?

Player readies Bomb Toss.

GoblinSmithy>> Oh damn.
Player>> THAT'S RIGHT, BABY!
Player>> SUCK ON YOUR OWN DAMNED BOMB!

Player uses Bomb Toss.
GoblinSmithy takes 260 points of damage.

Player>> HAHA, BITCH!
Player>> WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?
GoblinSmithy>> You, apparently.
GoblinSmithy>> You did type "Haha".
Player>> You're going down, Smithy.
Player>> I'm going to kill you with your own bomb.

I'll be honest with you: I was kind of worried.

That bomb really dropped my HP and the Blue Moron was doing a pretty good job of holding his own and curing himself.

Could this be the end?

Of course not. I'm smarter than this mouth-breathing fool.

Unfortunately, both of our HPs were getting low, so I had to think fast.

GoblinSmithy>> You can't do it.
Player>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> He's delusional and he can't read.
GoblinSmithy>> YOU CAN NO DO IT.
GoblinSmithy>> GOBBY NO GO BOOM.
Player>> You son of a bitch.
Player>> Let's see if you like this.

Player readies Bomb Toss.

And that's when I did something so incredibly stupid that it could only have been thought up by an adventurer.

I rushed him.

Player uses Bomb Toss.
Player takes 250 points of damage.
Player was defeated.

Player>> WTF?!
GoblinSmithy>> Oh dear.
GoblinSmithy>> It seems you dropped your bomb.
Player>> ^&$%^@%$!@#%$#$%#$%^$%$
GoblinSmithy>> You were right though.
GoblinSmithy>> That was funny.

Remember all of those times a Goblin dropped a bomb and you laughed and laughed and laughed?

Sweet, sweet irony.

20 Comments:

Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

HAHA, BITCHES!

Got my own first comment!

Suck on that a one time!

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha.. if only it could really happen.

3:14 PM  
Blogger Dramanue of Fenrir said...

You... rushed him? Like Goblin Rushed him? I was under the impression that blu's could not be victims of their own bombs. Odd. Meh, anyway... Nice show there, a blu trying to solo... Don't make me laugh, you can't replace Red Mages.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

"Goblin Smithy said...
HAHA, BITCHES!

Got my own first comment!

Suck on that a one time! "

Now that I'm done cleaning the soda off my desk.... LMAO!

4:03 PM  
Blogger WhiteInferno said...

Gah! My keyboard! It's stickified!

6:21 PM  
Blogger Aylee said...

I had an interesting encounter recently. I'm not sure if it was *the* Gobin Smithy, but it was *a* Goblin Smithy.

You see, I was walking through the dunes with my brand new Ninja. New jobs are like new cars. You're so impressed with the new features and nothing, positively nothing, was 'better then it'.

Unfortunatly, I had forgotten to cast my ninja specific invis spell and my 'new car' was about to get a very disapointing flat.

Goblin Smithy: Grrraaahggghhhh!
Ninja: What the hell is that?

I turned around. A Gobin Smithy was making it's way towards me. I was duely impressed. Was this 'the' Goblin Smithy, of the infamous blog?

Ninja: I bet your really handsome under that mask.

That comment must of really surprised the creature, for it stopped in it's tracks. I quietly dug out my Utsesumi paper dolls, smiling as disarmingly as I knew how.

Goblin Smithy: What?
Ninja: I said, you are probably pretty handsome under that mask. That's why you wear it. To keep that handsome mug from getting rearranged.

The Goblin Smithy cocked it's metal encased head.

Goblin Smithy: I've come to one of two conclusions. One, your one of those fetish freaks who has an odd, terrible facination with goblins, and are trying to endear yourself to me in hopes of producing my children. Second, this is some sort of distraction. Either way, there is only one possible conclusion. My knife lodged in your brain.

At that moment, I couldn't help but finish casting Utsesemi. Three of me appeared.

Goblin Smithy: Oh great. Idiocy in triplicate. Arn't they supposed to be shadows?
Ninja: Yes, but this is the dunes. Omnipresent sun. Bright as hell sand. I'm improvising.
Goblin Smithy: That's fine. What are you, level ten? Guess what, I just sharpened my knife, and I got a whole bunch of stab saved up. Say goodbye.

Needless to say, he arranged the faces of all my hume female duplicates. He said something about 'making improvements', but honestly I think he was just stabbing at random.

When he finally got to me, I was smiling like a chesire cat.

Goblin Smithy: Oh great, now what? I know your Utsesmi timer isn't back up.
Ninja: No, I was just thinking about how pretty your face is. And, how low health you have.
Goblin Smithy: Dosen't matter. One more rib stick and your history. As for the mask, I'm feeling generous. Why don't I show you the *real* reason I wear a mask, so as your lying there bleeding to death on the ground, you can contemplate how stupid you are.

I gleefully awaited him to start peeling it off, actually surprised my little ploy had worked.

Ninja: I really appreciate this.
Goblin Smithy: ...
Ninja: It's really an honor. Is the mask almost off yet?
Goblin Smithy: Almost. Get ready for a stabbing.
Ninja: I bet your face is beautiful.
Goblin Smithy: And I bet you were shaken as a baby. It's off. Take a look - if I don't stab you in the eyes first.
Ninja: Goblin Smithy?
Goblin Smithy: What, retard?
Ninja: Ever hear of the song 'Things that make you go Boom?'

Needless to say, I exploded right then. The gobbie, and his 'pretty face' became so many strips of gobbie flesh scattered across the sand.

There is a moral to every story, and Mr. Gobbie Smithy, I'd like to teach you the moral to this one.

Don't try to figure us hume females out. Just stab us. As hume men everywhere know already, we're smarter then you.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Chronofantasy said...

Pfft, Bomb toss is overrated to have revenge on a Goblin. Just lvl your BLU high enough to use Self-Destruct!

10:15 PM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Smithy, you're awesome ;) Keep up the damn good, face-stabbin' work!

10:39 PM  
Blogger Plight said...

After reading your post about PLs, I just wanted to say that you're my hero. Next gobby I see killing a noob is getting a Protect III from me.

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Goblin Butcher said...

Can you beleive it, Smithy? Someone in the dunes ran up to me and asked me to take off my mask. Major fetish issues going on there. So I tried to use your technique (face stabbing to death), but the shadows kept confusing me. She thought I was you! It's really odd, since I'm the only one that has armor similar to yours except for Tinkerer...

...and he was busy slitting his dark knight wrists.

When I finally took off the mask, SHE EXPLODED! Like a godamn bomb. I nearly died there, but my beautiful face was RUINED!!!

Now, I have a new mask, and it has a freaking lock on it! Can you give me advice for making my face look better?

-Goblin Butcher, your #1 fan!!! (in the dunes, at least)

12:23 AM  
Blogger Aylee said...

Butcher, I really apologize for mistaking you for Goblin Smithy.. I really didn't *think* the stink was as bad as usual, but.. you know, figured he'd bathed or something.

3:26 AM  
Blogger Knyte said...

LMAO!
Nicely done Smithy. but i must say that BLU was really retarded. just using bomb toss? bah, he should have been using blastbomb, bomb toss, and poison breath even.....ok maybe not poison breath. Tinkerer had a hard time breathing after i used it on him, poor guy. unfortunately i had no antedotes on me, they must of dropped out of my bag as i laughed.

tell you what. tomorrow i will come by yhoater and show you what a BLU can do to a Pathfinder ^^

love the blog

3:53 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO smithy, aylee and butcher
good post, made my work day bright again as usual.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

HAHA, BITCHES!

Got my own first comment!


Ha ha. You should do that on every post to baffle those who think that "1st post lol i won internet!!11!!" actually means something.

And Aylee is a very scary woman... {Run away!}

And no worries, Smithy. Bomb Toss is actually pretty darned sucky and not worth the MP at all. I've only ever set it as one of my spells once, so that I could see what the animation of me doing it looked like.

11:28 AM  
Blogger kitty monk said...

Aylee--


Please stop writing your mock blogs.

They're not very good. :/

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i enjoyed it lol. leave her alone lol

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smitty, you *cheated*!! You should've faded back to your spawn point after you killed the SAM! I'm reporting to you GM, damn game hacks, even the mobs are usin' 'em now...

1:44 PM  
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