Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Hold Mommy's Hand, Little One

Alternate Title: "To err is human, to power level is retarded."

Why do people feel the constant need for a power level?

YOU'RE PLAYING A FREAKIN' GAME!

I bet you're the kind of people that play FPSs with god mode on just so you don't actually have to do anything.

You know, anything like face a challenge.

Or learn strategy.

Or not be retarded.

Do you really need someone to hold your hand and guide you through the lower levels?

If you just answered yes, then it's time for you to get off the "puter" and get your mommy to tuck you into bed.

I mean, how retarded do you have to be to basically cheat at a game that is supposed to be challenging?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Smithy must really hate power levelers.

You'd be wrong.

Yeah, those power levelers make it possible for even the dumbest n00bs to beat me down.

Well... not the dumbest. I can usually still take out the weakest in the herd.

Still though, it's more work.

I'll aggro the poor sap(s) and just start to get in my stabbing groove when the damn PL will step in and hand me my own face.

That's not fun.

But, even though I often get killed in this fashion, I don't mind.

Call it an investment.

Because I know that next time that player comes around, they won't have a sweet clue as to what to do or how to survive.

Mommy won't always be there to protect you.

And then it's Smithy Time!

Do you have any idea how many n00bs will actually pull me for exp just because they beat me once with a PLer backing them up?

That's just plain stupid.

I can actually hear the stupidity coming because they always say the exact same thing:

Player>> We can totally take a Goblin.
Player>> They're easy.

That roughly translates into:

Moron>> Yoohoo, Mr. Smithy, Sir.
Moron>> Could you please remove my face for me?

I mean, these tards might as well ring a freakin' dinner bell.

And besides, we all know what I do to heroes, right?

Those PLing bitches have to come through my jungle some time. And then...

BOOM!!!

Literally.

That's the sound a Goblin bomb makes.

Still, it is kind of annoying to get beat down by a high level PLer when I'm trying to kill my daily quota of n00bs.

Yesterday I was hanging out in Sauromugue Champaign, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I notice this level 34 player just standing there.

I mean this boy is just standing there doing nothing.

He's just asking for trouble.

Now, I started to wonder if maybe he was AFK. This, of course, meant I did the only honorable thing one could do to an AFK adventurer.

I stabbed that bitch.

Smash! Sword to the chest!

That'll teach him to just stand there.

But then, something funny happened.

He started to fight back.

Seeing that a lowly level 34 was trying to solo me, I couldn't help but laugh.

It was hilarious.

What did he think was going to happen? He'd get 200 xp when I laughed myself to death?

Unfortunately for this fool, I am a strict believer in Darwinism.

This idiot had to die.

So, I go to work.

Stab, stab, Goblin Rush, stab, stab, bomb toss...

Things are looking great. This punk is almost dead and he's barely scratched me.

Then I see it.

WhiteMage casts Cure IV on Player.
Player recovers 380 hp.

Uh oh.

That's when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

WhiteMage>> Excuse me?
WhiteMage>> That's my friend you're stabbing.
GoblinSmithy>> And I care because...
GoblinSmithy>> Help me out here.
WhiteMage>> Well...
WhiteMage>> If you hurt him, I hurt you.
WhiteMage>> Starting to care yet?
GoblinSmithy>> Not really.
Player>> TAKE THAT, VILE GOBLIN!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Hold that thought a second.

*FACE STAB*

GoblinSmithy>> You were saying something?
WhiteMage>> Sigh.

WhiteMage casts Cure IV on Player.
Player recovers 380 hp.

GoblinSmithy>> You know, he's never going to learn like that.
WhiteMage>> What's stabbing supposed to teach him?
GoblinSmithy>> Basic soloing strategy.
GoblinSmithy>> When to run from battle.
GoblinSmithy>> A healthy fear of swords.
GoblinSmithy>> How to breathe through his neck.
WhiteMage>> Yeah.
WhiteMage>> I'm still going to have to say no.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you sure?
GoblinSmithy>> It builds character.
Player>> TASTE COLD STEEL!
GoblinSmithy>> Pardon me a second.

*FACE STAB*

WhiteMage>> Keep your guard up, stupid.

WhiteMage casts Cure IV on Player.
Player recovers 380 hp.

GoblinSmithy>> Knock that off!
GoblinSmithy>> Let the tard die in peace.
WhiteMage>> Sorry, man. No can do.
WhiteMage>> He's my little brother.
GoblinSmithy>> Wow. I have a little brother, too.
WhiteMage>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> Yup.
GoblinSmithy>> We play this fun game together.
WhiteMage>> What game?
GoblinSmithy>> The "let my little brother die of stupidity" game.
GoblinSmithy>> It's like Monopoly.
GoblinSmithy>> Except shorter and with more stabbing.
WhiteMage>> I don't like it anymore than you do.
WhiteMage>> But I have to listen to him whine if he dies.
GoblinSmithy>> You're messing with evolution here.
WhiteMage>> I'll risk it.
Player>> DIE, GOBLIN, DIE!
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.

*FACE STAB*

WhiteMage casts Cure IV on Player.
Player recovers 380 hp.

*FACE STAB*

WhiteMage casts Cure IV on Player.
Player recovers 380 hp.

GoblinSmithy>> You're not going to let him die are you?
WhiteMage>> Hmmm... let me see...
WhiteMage>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> Perhaps we can work out a compromise.
WhiteMage>> Such as?
GoblinSmithy>> Well...
GoblinSmithy>> You just ran out of mp.

*FACE STAB*

Player was defeated by the GoblinSmithy.

GoblinSmithy>> Isn't compromise fun?

GoblinSmithy was defeated by WhiteMage.

GoblinSmithy>> So, no then?

Seriously, people. You're not helping them.

You're only doing three things:

1) you're messing with their natural learning curve and making them even worse players

2) you're pissing me off so I have no choice but to kill them

3) you're pissing me off so I have no choice but to kill you

Remember: I've got a great memory and all the time in the world.

I'll get you.

Damn, I hate PLers.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whats even worse is level 50+ parties with Powerlevels =\

10:47 PM  
Blogger Artos said...

I really, reealy hate those people who say:

"THOUST GOBLIN DECEASETH THY NOOBETHS? FIE, FOR SHAME!"

(Thanks for the laugh.)

I mean, this isn't....




Wait for it....




Keep waiting....




A GODDAMNED WORLD OF WARCRAFT SERVER.

Seriously, though, the only time I knowingly accept a PL party is in the d00nz. ONLY then because I want to get the hell out of Dodge as quickly as possible.

12:00 AM  
Blogger Shayde said...

Reminds me of the time I was invited to party in the Dunes - lured by the promise of a power-leveler. I got there, started fighting a crab, then realized that our power-leveler was paying no attention to the gob that aggroed us as we attempted to slaughter the poor hapless crustacean.

Um... the "power-leveler" was level 19. A number of Goblin Smithy's long-lost relatives jumped into the fray, squished the so-called "power-leveler," and proceeded to wipe the ground with our bloody corpses.

I hate noobs.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

I don't mind pls if people know how to do their job(aka lvling their 2nd job to 75), but what I absoulutly hate is when a n00b asks me to pl him. I ussually check on rank to make sure their not a moron and know something about the game. Less than rank 6? No PL from the rdm for you! And even then unless you bribe me with large amounts of gil, no PL for you! Only people I PL are my freinds...who I let die at least once or twice just for giggles. Never let down your gaurd with Raine on the job!
*Evil Laughter*

1:11 AM  
Blogger Twinblades said...

Oh Smithy, how you speak the truth. Amazingly enough, I've made it through the game with little or no PLing, so I know what to expect from ya :P

1:26 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...

Whats even worse is level 50+ parties with Powerlevels =\


That's just sad.. if you can't xp pt at that level without a PL.. you'll never make it to 75

2:33 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

I completely agree. Though I don't play FFXI anymore, it's a simple, undebatable fact:

PLing creates shitty players. Behind every level 55RNG that's eating Pies, or every 60DRK that's trying to show off his mad Hand-to-Hand skills in your XP, there's probably a string of LS n00bs that PLed them to where they're at now.

Gotta love it in particular when the "beneficiary" (read: VICTIM) of the PLing is either a WHM or a tank-class job. Not knowing how to voke or properly cure at level 45 is NOT acceptable, ASSHOLES!

4:02 AM  
Anonymous Phaedra said...

I hate PLers ... I really really do.

As a level 75 WHM, if someone asks me to PL them, they get blisted ... period ... end of story. My friends even know better then to ask me to PL them because they know I'll hate them forever.

When I leveled WHM up until about 50 ... I had to specifically put "PL? {No Thanks}" in my Search comment ... and people still wondered why I'd leave them when there was a hint of a PL.

My solution when I've been leveling NIN has been a little more ... interesting. Someone starts PLing me ... I hit /blockaid. I did it to one WHM in Qufim ... and a few minutes later I started getting tells "Why can't I heal you ... omg you're hacking the game" Moron.

4:11 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

I agree whole heartedly. I absolutely HATE PLers, and I refuse to party with one. It makes bad players. Don't want to get into a discussion here.

Anyway, great post! Happy stabbing!

9:16 AM  
Blogger Uschi said...

I've had a hard time finding PTs in dunes for my WHM alt. Main thing being, I have PL {No thanks} in my search comment, and people replace someone who left and say "I'm bringing a pl!"

And we all know the only cure for stupidity is death.

And it's a really funny cure.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Hell fucking yeah. I hate (HATE HATE HATE) idiots who are too stupid and too lazy to level the right way. They're bad newbies and they grow up to be sucky players.

Anyone who is in a party should get /blockaid turned on by default, impossible to turn off. That'd teach these idiots.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Raine:

I don't mind pls if people know how to do their job(aka lvling their 2nd job to 75),

How does having a level 75 WAR make them know how to play WHM? EVERY job has to be learned. A 75 RDM does not magically know how to hold hate as he's XPing NIN, he has to learn.

Sorry, but your logic fails.

12:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A 75 RDM does not magically know how to hold hate as he's XPing NIN, he has to learn.
---------

Once you play a job to 75, you get a -general- idea of how to do this or that, also, a level to 75 requires 2-3 jobs at 37.
If after 181 levels on 4 different jobs you don't know how to do any other, you are retarded and should go play Minesweeper.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Shayde said...

Hey - I like Minesweeper. I can play it at work when I can't get online...

That said, power-leveling is not always a bad thing. I suppose it's one thing if the party is completely dependent upon the power-leveler (which is not good), but another if the PL is just there as a backup in case things go horribly wrong.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do a DD party in the dunes (with SMART people), subtract a WHM, add a PL, and you will have a killing machine.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinSmithy>> It builds character.
Player>> TASTE COLD STEEL!
GoblinSmithy>> Pardon me a second.

*FACE STAB*

omg i've never laughed so hard in my life.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

"That'll teach him to just stand there."

That has got to be the funnest thing i've ever read... Ever.. Keep up the great work smithy. And the stabbing of noobs.

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Pteryx said...

Well written, and glad you liked the suggestion. :)

I tend to have a few general rules about when, who, and how I PL. For starters, I don't PL parties. Not even for the 200k one person offered once. PLing parties just does too much damage for too little benefit for anyone involved. The only time I ever did it was when I was asked by a Galka RDM/WHM with excellent grammar but a gimped WHM sub and no MP gear who was the only healer available in all of Qufim and the only mage in his party, period, to PL the party he was asked to main heal. And even then I held back.

Thus, if you see me PLing at all, it's going to be PLing soloers. This falls into two main categories:

1) Random people when I happen to want to level my healing skill. This is just about always accompanied by a steady stream of advice about how the recipient's job is played, which tends to actually go over surprisingly well. There are factors that will make me more or less likely to PL you; for instance, offering gil will make me think you're trying to buy your way to the top, while capitalizing, punctuating, and spelling correctly will tend to give me the impression that you have enough of a clue to deserve the lift and not be a worse player for it.

2) My friends. Not simply the people on my friends list, but my actual friends. They tend to only ask for such help if they have a particular reason to avoid a party situation, and are generally pretty bright and quick learners anyway. Even then, they might get a tip or two if I notice something they're doing wrong. -- Pteryx

8:34 PM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

Petryx, I love you.

Grammar and spelling count more online, as far as I'm concerned, than they do anywhere else. If you type like a blind autistic child, I'm going to outright assume you're an idiot with nothing of any value to offer society, online or off, period.

And I'm rarely wrong in that assumption. Claiming it doesn't count on the Internet, or that nobody cares since it's a game is just going to get you ripped apart mercilessly, and I'll use a lot of big words to do it, just out of spite.

Thank you so much for putting an emphasis on what's really important.

I can't say that enough!

12:33 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

. . .

There's a certain amount of irony in my having misspelled Pteryx's name in that last post, eh?

|Please forgive me.| |I'm sorry.| |mistake|

12:36 AM  
Blogger Duodenum said...

As a fairly decent level white mage, I have PLed my share of people. My general rule of thumb is...if you do something stupid that would normally get you and/or your party killed, you die. When they get angry, I just ask, "Lesson learned?" It usually gets better after that :-D

5:14 AM  
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