Wednesday, May 17, 2006


Sweet merciful Altana, leave me the hell alone!

I haven't had a single minutes rest since my last blog update. Every second has been adventurer after adventurer screaming at me and trying to stab me to death.

It seems you guys must really like that little bastards.

Unfortunately, I don't have your stupid Taru anymore.

Last time I saw him, he was slowly sinking into a swamp. Moron was still mumbling something about warping me.

So, you can just stop following me. I don't have him. I don't.

Can't you tards just go to Windurst and find another Taru or something?

I mean, they're not hard to steal.

Look how easily I took yours.

Okay... bad example.

But no. Every damned adventurer on the planet is now chasing my ass down to get that idiot back.

I don't need that kind of attention.

It's kind of hard to get my stabbing on with a legion of adventurers breathing down my neck.

Just this morning, I was on my regular duty shift in Yhoator Jungle when I got ambushed by an entire alliance of high level players.

They did not look pleased.

Paladin>> Where's our warp Taru, you little bastard?
GoblinSmithy>> Your what?
Paladin>> The warp Taru from Al Zahbi.
RedMage>> We want him NOW!
GoblinSmithy>> Uh...
GoblinSmithy>> I don't have him.
RedMage>> YES, YOU DO!
GoblinSmithy>> you must be thinking of a different goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> I think I saw Pathfinder with a Taru.
Ninja>> Then we'll just have to kill you.
GoblinSmithy>> I totally have him.
Paladin>> Where is he?
GoblinSmithy>> Now?
RedMage>> NOW!
GoblinSmithy>> That's hard to say really.
GoblinSmithy>> You know how small those damned Tarus are.
Ninja>> If you don't give him back, we're going to get angry.
GoblinSmithy>> Get?!
Ninja>> You don't want to see us angry.
GoblinSmithy>> Frankly, I don't want to see you at all.
GoblinSmithy>> Especially that Galka in the back.
GoblinSmithy>> Damn, man. Buy a mask or something.
GoblinSmithy>> You're scaring the mandies.
BlackMage>> Can I just set him on fire now?
Paladin>> Not yet.
Paladin>> He needs to tell us where the Taru is first.
BlackMage>> Nothing starts a conversation like melted flesh.
BlackMage>> I'm just saying.
GoblinSmithy>> Do I get a vote?
Paldin>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> Dammit.
Ninja>> If you give us the Taru, we'll let you go.
GoblinSmithy>> Just speaking hypothetically...
GoblinSmithy>> What if I don't have him?
GoblinSmithy>> What if hes, oh I don't know, in a swamp?
Ninja>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Hypothetically.
Ninja>> Well... then we'd just have to stab you.
Ninja>> A lot.
GoblinSmithy>> That doesn't work for me.
GoblinSmithy>> Could we maybe go with a stern warning?
Paladin>> Not really.
GoblinSmithy>> You've left me no choice then.

Slowly, I moved my body into the classic Praying Mantis stance and unsheathed my weapon.

Then, with a slow, deep breath...

I ran like my feet were on fire and my ass was catching.

The Paladin tried using Provoke, but I wasn't having that shit. He can say whatever the hell he likes and I'm still not getting provoked into dying.

What am I stupid or something?

I was just about to hit the zoneline when I saw it...

BlackMage casts Bind on the Goblin Smithy.


They caught up to me quickly after that. I was trapped and helpless.

What do I do? What do I do?

There were a good dozen pointy things pointed directly at my torso when I heard screaming.

Mercifully, it wasn't me.

RandomPlayer>> WARNING!
RedMage>> Should we move back?
Paladin>> Why?
Paladin>> We can handle a Pathfinder, too.

Things looked horribly bleak. My life was just about to flash before my eyes.

And then they got hit by an SUV.


Blogger Reeree said...


Pathfinder helped you?

I wonder if that was on purpose.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow pathfinder helped. did he mean to hit you or them O.o

10:59 PM  
Blogger zerombr said...

Hey Smithy, remember me? I was the THF who thought he could solo you yesterday, pretty bogus I guess, but it got me to thinking, maybe we're not so different after all, we both hate adventurers, like sticking knives in people, the only problem is I just can't stand to see you do that uh..............thing where you inhale and exhale. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

On a side note, may I please have my acid dagger back, i think it's in your hip somewhere.

11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

awww, see how sweet Pathfinder is. Sure, he's a little bit on the stupid side, but he's like a lil puppy--so very forgiving :D I'm guessing he had insurance on the SUV, as he got another one after you blew his up. Wonder if he's found a new Beeington yet. I think I saw him yesterday outside jeuno with a beetle--he didn't look as happy as if he'd had a bee.

On a side note, I met Pathfinder's Elvaan cousin while doing Sandy mission 2-1 today. As I walked up to Ordelle's caves, the NPC elvaan outside said to me "Look! A cave!"

11:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I ran like my feet were on fire and my ass was catching."


thats the 50th time i need to clean my moniter of soda since i began reading this blog

11:28 PM  
Blogger Lishje said...

Greatest, Ending. Ever.

1:25 AM  
Blogger Shayde said...

I'm sure Pathfinder only helped by accident. He probably was driving whilst distracted -- he just found a path!!!

...either that, or he was looking for his poor, unfortunate bee.


4:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

never knew pathfinders could be so good for the environment...

5:09 AM  
Blogger Stocky said...

SUVs don't only run over squirrels, you know, they trample people too.

5:33 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

O.O Nice moves, way to wind up the HL players lol.

Oh and i heard from pathfinder the other day, he said he was following a path and saw you so he went to run you over since youw ere still wearing me beeington on your head while taunting the adventurers.

As we all know pathfinder is incurable tard or monumental proportions and couldn't hit a Galka with a -ga spell!

5:37 AM  
Blogger kitty monk said...

"...couldn't hit a Galka with a -ga spell!"

That's not saying much. Even if you hit the Galka, you're not gonna hit *all* of him. More like... a toe. Or a knuckle.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...

I'm sure there's some other agenda on Pathfinder's mind. It probably has something to do with not wanting a bunch of adventurers.. no matter how funny it would be.. to kill you, Smithy.

Wait..that would take a lot of thinking on Pathfinder's part, smoke would be pouring out of Yhoator... and then Mithra would come running...

Nope. Wouldn't happen. Forget I said anything.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

OMG! Yesssss!!!!!

Great post!

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how do you guys know if it was Pathfinders? if pathfinder can have an SUV any mob can

9:04 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Yay! See? Pathfinder is useful! You should be nicer to him!

Anonymous: Duh, no, other mobs couldn't have SUVs! Have you ever seen a Ford Leecher or a Chevy Crawler or something like that? Pathfinder is special~!

11:14 AM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

Wow, that was awesome. Perfect. Now I almost feel bad for hacking you to pieces last night, but the part where you stabbed me and the other warrior to death kinda cancels out any remorse. You know how that goes. :)

11:23 AM  
Blogger Terry Tolleson said...



BlackMage>> Nothing starts a conversation like melted flesh.
BlackMage>> I'm just saying.

That's Gold!

11:38 AM  
Blogger Reeree said...

I contacted Verizon and told them I was Agent Bristow from the FBI. I got access to the Linkshell logs for Pathfinder.

Turns out he was talking on his linkshell while driving. There ought to be hands-free laws about that. If only there were a GM on a chocobo to him a Yellow card.

Last thing recorded on the line before the accident was a female voice asking him to pick up some "Sssselbina milk and sssssigaretesss."

3:26 PM  
Blogger BocoChocobo said...

Hmmm... perhaps if this was Pathfinder's doing, it's part of his vow to get revenge on you for blowing up the last SUV.

But this seems a little smarter than I would give Pathfinder credit for. Animalier, maybe, but Pathfinder... just doesn't add up.

4:26 PM  
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