Mr. & Mrs. Smithy
Well, it finally happened. My wife and I have separated.
It was inevitable, really. The spark was gone. The bloom was off the rose.
Plus, I was starting to notice how damned dog ugly she was.
Lately, we'd been doing nothing but fighting. Literally fighting.
Damn her stupid parrying skill.
But yesterday, she pushed me too far. Way too far.
Consdiering we were on the edge of a volcano in Ifrit's Cauldron, that was a bad thing. The argument got "heated" after that.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that about?
MrsSmithy>> I'm leaving you.
GoblinSmithy>> Fine. Leave me.
GoblinSmithy>> Just don't try and push me into any more volcanoes.
MrsSmithy>> I found another man.
GoblinSmithy>> Another MAN?!
MrsSmithy>> Well... not so much a man...
MrsSmithy>> As a Gigas.
GoblinSmithy>> A FREAKIN' GIGAS?!!!
MrsSmithy>> He loves me.
GoblinSmithy>> I guess the cold gets to your brain after a while.
MrsSmithy>> Shut up. He adores me.
GoblinSmithy>> You probably remind him of his mom.
GoblinSmithy>> Only uglier.
MrsSmithy>> You son of a bitch!
GoblinSmithy>> And heavier.
MrsSmithy>> That's IT!
That's when she broke my heart.
Seriously. She stuck a knife in there and broke my heart.
I got a good shot in and caught her right in the face with my axe.
Sadly, it really didn't make much of a difference.
GoblinSmithy>> But why?
GoblinSmithy>> What's a Gigas got that I don't?
GoblinSmithy>> Don't say it.
MrsSmithy>> Let's just say he's using a Great Sword.
GoblinSmithy>> DON'T SAY IT!
MrsSmithy>> As opposed to your little dagger.
Talk about hitting a guy where it hurts. A lot.
Now, in order to save my manhood and honor, I had to come up with something to say back to her.
Something sharp and witty. Something that would cut her to the core.
GoblinSmithy>> What wouldn't seem small to you, Shamoo?
MrsSmithy>> I really don't want to fight anymore.
GoblinSmithy>> Too damned bad.
GoblinSmithy>> A FREAKIN' GIGAS?!
MrsSmithy>> We don't think like that. I love him as a man.
MrsSmithy>> And he loves me as a woman.
GoblinSmithy>> He's blind! I get it now!
MrsSmithy>> SHUT UP!
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe I can help him out.
GoblinSmithy>> I could right 'UGLY' on your forehead in braille.
MrsSmithy>> I hate you.
GoblinSmithy>> And maybe '(( RUN AWAY! ))' on your ass.
MrsSmithy>> I NEVER!
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah, you did.
GoblinSmithy>> Remember that time in Castle Zhavl?
MrsSmithy>> I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
GoblinSmithy>> I'm surprised you didn't crush me.
GoblinSmithy>> I hope the Gigas has strong hip bones.
Things kind of degenerated from there. By the end, we were both covered in blood, sweat, and the remains of a Mithra that wandered in between us.
I think I had her, though. She was really low in the red hp and I was still doing okay. A few more hits and it would be all over.
And then it happened.
I got hit.
In the back.
With a rock.
Damn, I hate Gigas.