I Enjoy Irony
Things are strange.
Players keep coming up to me to shake my hand. I mean, what the hell's that about?
I'm a freakin' Goblin!
If you extend your hand for me to shake it, you're going to pull back a stump. Shake hands with my sword, moron.
This does, however, amuse me. To maintain the level of "Gobby Love", I am starting my own fan club.
That's right. You can be part of a club that pays homage to the greatest of Vana'diels champions: me.
Recently, I fell on hard times. It was a bad day to be a goblin. Then a bunch of readers started donating money to me.
Free money for writing stories about how I hate people. Sweet.
In order to keep the love train rolling, I'm going to repay their kindness with stabbings.
Sorry. Force of habit.
At the end of each month, any "Pre-corpses", as I like to call you adventurers, who donated 5 dollars or more to the Smithy fund, will receive a membership to my fan club.
I know. You're almost wetting yourself with joy. It's okay.
Members will then receive a personal letter and story from me, along with a free wallpaper so that you can gaze on my beauty even when you're not playing.
Also, the meat shield that donates the most each month will be stabbed to death live in the blog, so the whole world can see.
You don't have to donate. I know I've made some enemies in my day.
Mostly by making new airholes in people's torsos.
If you can't donate, that's cool. I don't mind. I love telling you guys about how dumb most of you adventurers are and relating the many deaths of Pathfinder. As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing.
But this is just a way for me to give back to the people. The people who adore me.
Also, it makes it much funnier when I kill someone who actually signed up as a fan. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
Now, I've got to go kill me some n00bs and find something funny for a story later.
I'm in a groin-axe kind of mood today.