Thursday, April 27, 2006

I Enjoy Irony

I must say, since I started this blog, my life has become very ironic.



Things are strange.

Players keep coming up to me to shake my hand. I mean, what the hell's that about?

I'm a freakin' Goblin!

If you extend your hand for me to shake it, you're going to pull back a stump. Shake hands with my sword, moron.

This does, however, amuse me. To maintain the level of "Gobby Love", I am starting my own fan club.

That's right. You can be part of a club that pays homage to the greatest of Vana'diels champions: me.

Recently, I fell on hard times. It was a bad day to be a goblin. Then a bunch of readers started donating money to me.

Free money for writing stories about how I hate people. Sweet.

In order to keep the love train rolling, I'm going to repay their kindness with stabbings.


Sorry. Force of habit.

With kindness.

At the end of each month, any "Pre-corpses", as I like to call you adventurers, who donated 5 dollars or more to the Smithy fund, will receive a membership to my fan club.

I know. You're almost wetting yourself with joy. It's okay.

Members will then receive a personal letter and story from me, along with a free wallpaper so that you can gaze on my beauty even when you're not playing.

Also, the meat shield that donates the most each month will be stabbed to death live in the blog, so the whole world can see.

Great, huh?

You don't have to donate. I know I've made some enemies in my day.

Mostly by making new airholes in people's torsos.

If you can't donate, that's cool. I don't mind. I love telling you guys about how dumb most of you adventurers are and relating the many deaths of Pathfinder. As long as you keep reading, I'll keep writing.

But this is just a way for me to give back to the people. The people who adore me.

Also, it makes it much funnier when I kill someone who actually signed up as a fan. Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?

Now, I've got to go kill me some n00bs and find something funny for a story later.

I'm in a groin-axe kind of mood today.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm... is that $5 US or $5 goblin currency? :P noticed the other day that my $5 had been translated into canadian money. Gobbie Smithy from Canada in metal subligar?! Doesn't that make certain.. um... body parts... a bit too cold? Not that I'm asking, or even curious... >.>

11:43 AM  
Blogger joyc said...

lol it's like "BE A FAN OF SMITHY AND GET STABBED!" haha

11:43 AM  
Blogger Rich said...

"Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?"

Hmmmm... quoting Alanis Morissette songs. Goblin Smithy goin a bit emo Dark Knight on us?

1:48 PM  
Blogger Snuggleteddy said...

Glad to hear that things are working out better for you, dude.

You and your wife are welcome to come sit in my lap any time you're in Bastok. You can even stab me and my women in the face while you're here. (As a level 1 mule, it's not like getting stabbed in the face matters).

3:26 PM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

So your getting paid to stab people.. Hmmm? Well it sounds like a great idea to me.. Face stab = Money!
Im in!

5:05 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Yay! I'm glad this is being done here, too! I'd much rather be stabbed by you than to fed to a dragon by GM Dave. Stabbing's such a personal touch!

5:53 PM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

ok... goblin smithy... i need to ask you something. did you decide it was funny to blackmail one of my party members in yhoator jungle today to murder us over an dover with stupidity?? were the white lizards in on it??? i was NOT amused -.- you should be ashamed.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Forb|dden said...

I bet you it's a conspiracy, Smithy. You bribed that Taru in Al Zahbi to randomly warp adventurers into your Batallia Downs camp right? I will get you one day for stabbing me right at the zoneline >.<

2:05 AM  
Anonymous that one guy said...

Eh... Smithy Smeeetheee , Demons are much, much cuter!

2:55 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

Ooooh =) Broke atm but I'll eventually sign up for your fanclub. I mean, come on! A membership card is teh coolz!

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Ashmada said...

"Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?"

I hope you'll enjoy the series of deaths this will earn you, from my hand. And by hand, I mean ThundagaIII.

Quoting Alanis Morissette is the ultimate sin.
It's just too terrible to be mentionned in any sacred book.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Phoe of Sylph said...

Ultimate sin, evil gobby... you do the math.

He's already evil, let him quote Alanis Morissette, just makes him all the more scary.

Tony Danza will get you when you hit that 75 garri... you will eat your words.

1:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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8:32 PM  
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7:48 PM  

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