That is the only way to explain the terrible lapse in judgement that lead me to sign up for Garrison again.
For some reason it sounded like a good idea at the time. It really did.
Visit far off outposts. Meet new people. Make money.
I mean, that sounds like a deal, right?
So, I convince Shaman and Pathfinder to come with me, and get ready to get my butt handed to me again.
At least if I'm going to die, I get to take Shaman and Pathfinder with me.
I mean, what are friends for?
We were waiting to warp to the Valkurm, when the other goblins start shouting about a change.
Being the honorable guy that I am, I was about to trip Pathfinder and take off running to save myself, when I heard it.
It was beautiful.
GoblinLeecher>> Big change guys.
GoblinLeecher>> We're doing the level 75 Garrison.
Oh yeah, baby. That's how Smithy rolls.
They split us up into groups and start hitting us with buffs. Shaman gets upgraded to a Goblin Professor and Pathfinder changes jobs to a Goblin Pirate.
GoblinPirate>> Arrrrrrrgg, Mateys. I'm a pirate!
GoblinSmithy>> You're an idiot.
GoblinPirate>> Hey, look!
GoblinPirate>> A plank!
GoblinSmithy>> Go fall on something pointy.
I was hoping he'd be a Goblin Corpse, but sadly, no luck.
But then something weird happened. The guys got warped to the outpost.
I swear if I miss Pathfinder getting murdered, I'm going to be pissed.
Then, suddenly, I felt my body rush with power. My muscles started to pulse with electricity.
And not electricity like Thundaga III. Believe you me, that feels a hell of a lot different.
I looked up and saw my new name. Honestly, I couldn't help but smile.
Just as I'm asking myself if this could get any better, I get warped over to the outpost.
Ninja>> Hold them back, guys.
Ninja>> We're doing okay.
RedMage>> Keep provoking!
BlackMage>> Watch the NPCs.
There was a huge group of adventurers swarming around Shaman and Pathfinder.
I would have waited for them to both die, but I was in a stabbing mood.
And then they saw me.
WhiteMage>> Sweet merciful christ!
RedMage>> WE'RE DEAD!
Thief>> Oh my GAWD!
Ninja>> What the hell is that?
GoblinBoss>> TONY DANZA, BITCHES!
They weren't ready for me. I cut through their ranks like a hot knife through torso.
Dead adventurers fell in piles around my feet. Big piles.
Big, stupid piles.
Everything was perfect. Everything.
And then I saw one little Dragoon all by himself. One last little Elvaan between me and victory.
I wonder if Wyverns taste like chicken...
I was just about to nerf his lungs with my sword when I heard a low rumble.
A low rumble that was getting louder.
And then 18 freakin' NPCs came over a sand dune. 18 blood thirsty level 75 NPCs.
Things got blurry (read: painful) after that.
If I ever agree to do Garrison again, I want someone to hold me underwater until I stop kicking.
I hate Garrison.