Saturday, April 15, 2006

Weight Issues

Alternate title: "I love it when you call me big Galka..."

Okay, I think it's time that we had an intervention for the Galkas.

I mean, damn, guys. No healthy person should be that size.

I've seen planets smaller than the average Galka.

And, honestly, it's not good for anybody. I practically have a heart attack everytime I have to try and stab one of those guys to death. It's like trying to till a corn field with a fork.

And the Galkas... they practically have a heart attack everytime they take a deep breath.


This morning, I was working in Yuhtunga Jungle. I was on duty just outside the Kazham zoneline and things were going great.

I had a pile of n00b bodies that would make my mama proud.

Then, this level 30 Galka Warrior runs by me. Going INTO my jungle.

Oh... he was soooooo gonna die.

So, I follow him a little ways and when I have him all to myself, and a safe distance from any zoneline, I pounce.

I mean, I'm on him like a gil seller on Mee Deggi. I'm all over him.

Stab. Stab stab. Stabbity stab stab. Stabstabstab. Stab. Stabbity stabbity stab.



Dear Altana, when is this guy going to die?


And that's when I realize how damn big this guy was.


He was freakin' HUGE! I mean, all this stabbing and he's barely even bleeding. I can barely reach past his waist.

Stabbity stab.

Galka>> Ow! My knee!

Sweet, merciful Altana! I feel like I'm trying to solo

Well... a hairy, smelly Aspidochelone at any rate.


I'm starting to get tired from all of this running and stabbing, when I realize how close we are to Yhoator Jungle. Big, tall, and ugly here has managed to run almost the whole way through the jungle.


That did it for me. This pig was going down. Video game or no, noone walks through my jungle and lives.

I double up my efforts and start to see progress. It'll be close, but I think I'm going to get him before the zoneline.


Then, just as we come around the last corner, I look up to see 5 Galkas waiting for him.

The rest of his party.


Long story short, I got beat down by 6 Blitz Buffalo looking bastards. Toward the end, I just got so sick of being surrounded by huge walls of flesh (and the smell), that I dropped a bomb and killed myself.

Honestly, guys. It's time to hit the gym. Drink some milkshakes, cut the carbs, something.

Damn, I hate Galkas.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Their not fat, just big boned, and beefy.

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Mithra guard said...

No they are fat and ugly. I don't even see why we let them come to our village anyway. HEy smithy how much gil for you to kill any galka that come in our village?

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Taku said...

I've got 1,000 words for anyone who thinks Galka look ugly...

4:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, who let him in the Matrix?

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Taku, that's bad.. Not Bad good bad but just plain bad.

There's no excuse for that.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Inia said...

Have you consider calling [GM]Dave about this problem? He can direct you to the complaints manager if needed.

And some cornstarch might help with that chafing problem.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Snuggleteddy said...

My harem of women don't seem to mind so much how large I am. It just means there's more room on my lap for ladies to snuggle.

3:09 AM  
Anonymous The Crosser said...

Suggleteddy, the only reason there's so much room down there is the lack of genitals... Which, incidentally, is the same reason they tolerate you as their Herem Master rather than someone who'll put them to 'work', despite your hideous smell and looks.

11:11 PM  
Blogger Snuggleteddy said...

It's okay cross-dresser, you can sit in my lap too. All you had to do was ask.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous Taku said...

"Taku, that's bad.. Not Bad good bad but just plain bad.

There's no excuse for that."

If by "bad" you mean "bad ass," then yes, you are correct.

9:06 PM  
Anonymous taku said...

And the crosser, Galka actually DO have genitals. SE has clearly stated that although Galka are technically gender neutral, they do have a complete male anatomy.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! »

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » » »

5:19 AM  

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