Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Stupid DRKS!

Seriously. What the hell?

Who brings a scythe to a fight?

A sword I get. An axe. Even a lance. Those are all good. Katanas make sense, too.

But a scythe? Really?

Were you guys out tending a field and just got called into battle?

I'm sure you had time to go home and get a real weapon. I don't see anyone coming in with a damned tractor, so you could have done your part.

I understand what you're going for. Oooooooooooo, I'm the Grim Reaper. Look at my, big scary blade. Ooooooooooooo.

But honestly, you guys must have stopped one day and said "Is this really the most efficient weapon I could have brought?"

And the delay! Dear Altana!

I was fighting a DRK the other day and I had just enough time between swings to watch an entire season of the OC.

Of course, after I did, I wanted to die, but that's another story.

Seriously, guys, you're already the most emo job class out there. There's no point denying it. We all know it.

I mean your AF gear should come with black lipstick and a Jimmy Eat World CD.

Do you really need a giant emo weapon, too?

It gets annoying really.

Here's how every single fight with a DRK goes:

GoblinSmithy>> Know what your face needs? More knife.
DRK>> The darkness envelops my soul.
GoblinSmithy>> Who in the what now?
DRK>> I am a broken angel with mended wings.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Uhh... oh... kay.
DRK>> My endless torment is without end.
GoblinSmithy>> Well it would be, wouldn't it?
GoblinSmithy>> If it had an end, it wouldn't be endless.
GoblinSmithy>> I mean, now you're annoying AND redundant.
DRK>> My soul sees the light of dawn.
GoblinSmithy>> Wait, wait, wait.
GoblinSmithy>> You said darkness envelops your soul.
GoblinSmithy>> Now, you're contradicting yourself.
DRK>> Tear my life into pieces...
GoblinSmithy>> Oh lord...
DRK>> This is my (( Last Resort ))
GoblinSmithy>> Tell you what...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm just going to kill myself, k?


GoblinSmithy>> Sweet, merciful, emo-less death.
DRK>> I raise the cold steel of my blade.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm DEAD!
GoblinSmithy>> You can shut the hell up now.

I realize that when you signed up for the DRK job, you were actively acknowledging that it was emo. You knew it from the get go.

The name of the job is Dark Knight, for Altana's sake. Your 2 hour is called 'Blood Weapon". This is not news to anyone.

But do we really need to hear about it every thirty seconds? Honestly?

You're all evil and dark and scary. We get it. Now, put down the scythe, get a real weapon...


Damn, I hate DRKs.

Hate them, hate them, hate them.



Anonymous Mieh of Hades said...

Things may get hairier for you within the next 200 Vanadiel days or so as relates to this class of weapon...

Word is spreading that the dark knights' scythe-effectiveness is improving, though no other information has traveled my way...

Bright side: You may find less bravehearts aimed at you... who knows

Dark Side: In the same "expansion" of this job's abilities, you may be seeing more drain macros...

11:29 AM  
Blogger Terry Tolleson said...

/quote *OWN FACE STAB*

I suspect the true genius behind this job is that, in it's own absolutely ridiculous nature, it causes opponents to commit suicide rather than deal with the person playing the job. The weapon delay is akin to Chinese water torture. "When's it coming? Now? Maybe now? OH GAWD - THE TORTURE OF TIME! HIT ME ALREADY!" Eventually, you would sooner introduce new ventilation options (read: stab) into your face than wait for the DRK to finally swing their weapon.

I've witnessed enough "My weapon feeds my soul"/etc-macros to sympathize with your daily plight.

DRK: "Blackness is the bleak eternity eclipsing my heart."
Ya... go be eternally eclipsed elsewhere.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

This just really annoys me.

I don't see Dragoons quoting "Jump" by House of Pain.

I don't see White Mages or Red Mages quoting "Invisible" by Clay Aiken (Thank Altana).

The emo has to stop.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Oh now it's personal, you silly little goblin. Not all DRKs are emo! I'm a perky DRK, and tonight I'm going to go out to the Jungle and perky you to death! And perhaps SA a Spinning Slash on you, too. You didn't like a dagger to the ass? Then you're gonna love a great sword.

You better buy some lube, buddy. Perky bouncy DRK Thistle is headed your way.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Phi of Phoenix said...

To quote another Ninja:

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Ayasu of Phoenix said...

Well said, Smithy, well said.

As one who's a constant thorn in the side of DRK(read: I make fun of them. Alot.), I salute you.

~Kitty Monk of Doom

5:36 PM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

People that have flavor text in their macros need to have the number of keys on their keyboard reduced to like seven.

You have no right to spam my window with poorly-spelled bullshit just because you're stupid enough to think it's acceptable conduct.

SMN are by far the worst about this.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

ROFL tooo funny!!!

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Hobgoblin Alastor said...

Yes, the ninja are the real emo-kids.

I mean, Mijin Gakure ? You get mad and you commit suicide ? Pathetic emo pieces of flesh (you've blown up, dude).

... Reminds me of goblins tossing their bombs on themselves ... or face-stabbing themselves.

6:03 AM  
Anonymous RandomMaidenAdvert said...

If only they put "I'm waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chyme...", I could tolerate their macros, in fact, I'd enjoy them. Even spammed.

Gotta ask SE to rename Last Resort into Hallowed be thy Name.

7:40 AM  
Anonymous White mage the healer of wounded people that are not well because they hurt said...

I hate those emo drks !

They make me spam my "The light of Altana bless you from the bottom of my sanctified soul of goody goodness" macro ! Which happens to be the shortest.
Can't put too much text in a CureIII macro, can we ?

7:44 AM  
Blogger Syphus said...

"This is all I got, Go To Hell! {Last Resort}"

"Souls of the dead, Give me Strength! {Souleater}"

I can think of HUNDRED things that are more emo than what I have. Also, the above is what I like to call Role Play. Have you forgotten D&D? Actual good players know how to RP. Those that just "play," that is fine and dandy, just remember, RP adds a little something more.

Although Spinning Slash maybe better damage, but just to make ya mad, how about a SA > Cross Reaper?

Also, I am FAR from emo. I chose the job cause I think it is cool. And would you truly say, "Hey Grim Reaper, nice piece of farm equipment there." I don't think so, or else your kidding yourself from the amount of fear that is built up in you from anticipating what kind of torture he will put you through.

As far as delay goes, that is your blessing. SE could have made it far less ;)

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok... no more song quoting in my macros.

But...is it OK if I quote you in my macros, Smithy?

"You know what your face needs?"

"More knife."

-manai, gilgamesh

5:32 PM  
Blogger Artos said...

Yes, emo-DRKs give us "normal" DRKs a bad name.

/p Cut my life into pieces, this is my {Last Resort}!

Every time I see that, I die a little on the inside.

1:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate drks also... i wish i was a gob instead of a drk sometimes... then i could kill a bunch of people that need killing.


2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure some DRK's are the littel emo bitches, "ooh noo my girl friend just broke up with me" -=cries and goes and slits his wrists, but the rest of us just like Scyth's come on now they look kool, now most of the cool factor is based on the grim reaper stuff too, but dosent mean that we all want to go kill ourselves. thats only for the week ones, but who wouldent want to be a Warrior, with black magic? and you get to use scyths and Big swords, thats just kool wether you throw in the Grim reaper effect or not, now then if some one has to use a song to make thier macro sound kool, then thier just un creative and should burn in hell, but that dosent apply to all DRK's.. end result of this post, means, GOBLIN SMITHY is an idiot, how would you like it if We lumped you into a catagory of emo's especially if you wernt one... Dick.. :p

9:32 PM  
Blogger Dexze said...

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9:34 PM  
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5:31 PM  

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