Tuesday, April 04, 2006

This one's for the heroes.

I hate you.

I'm trying to get my stab on, hanging out in the jungle and ruining parties.

Seriously, that's what I do. That's my job.

And some high level hero has to come in and start soloing me to death to save all the lowbie parties. Wow. Aren't you the big man/woman/man playing a woman.

Noone invited you to our little goblin party. They stepped into the jungle knowing full well that that was my house. I can't let them just come into my house like that, so I have to teach them a lesson.

Only by teach, I mean stab. And by lesson, I mean gaping wound.

In the world of Vana'diel, there is an order to things. In the jungles, Goblins are the top of the food chain. Accept it.

Did Darwin run though the Galapagos Islands shooting birds he didn't like? Hell, no. He let nature take it's course. It's survival of the Smithiest.

But I always have to deal with some superhero wannabe who thinks he's helping people. Some level 75 who runs through and wipes the jungle floor with me.

Today, I was on duty in Yhoator Jungle just to the South of the Yuhtunga zoneline. A n00b adventurer tried to sneak behind me. I, of course, waited until he was right behind me and I turned.

I actually watched him wet himself.

So, he takes off running (they always run) and I take off after him. I'm just starting to enjoy the thrill of the chase when I take an axe to the brain. A big axe. A "much higher than level 30" axe.

Right around the corner is a level 75 Warrior dual wielding axes.

Well, goody goody gumdrops. ><

I then have to spend the next minute and a half getting my face sliced off. All the while, the n00b is taking a break and resting. Just out of stabbing range.

Brave man when you have a level 75 Warrior protecting you, huh?

I die and everyone thanks the "hero". The "hero" who had to pick on a goblin easily 35 levels below him.

Why don't you just head to your nearest elementary school and beat up some kids?

Some hero.

You're messing with evolution here. Those n00bs you're saving will never learn a healthy respect (read: fear) for the dangerous Smithy. Then, you're just breeding their n00bness. Their stupidity is on your hands.

I don't mind dying, but you're destroying the natural interaction between my knife and n00b faces.

Plus, I really mind dying.

Next time, mind your own damned business and go farm some organs or something.

I hate heroes.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Phi of Phoenix said...

Just say no to emote faces!

11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate heroes too!

Keep the posts comming, and thanks for you help with nOOb population control.

manai, gilgamesh server.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Yuhtunga Mandragora said...

Hey Gobbie! I'm definitely on your side on this one! All the lowbie adventures come in droves to pick on me and my friends when we're just trying to enjoy our lives, sprouting up in a great environment for our kind! If it wans't for you, Smithy, they could unleash a total, unobstructed genocide of my kind! I hope no more big bad loser heroes try to come and pick on you, too. You're our only hope!

P.S. I'll keep putting dozens of 'em to sleep so you can slice and dice 'em one at a time.

~Your friend, Mandy

12:03 AM  
Anonymous Iamjobe ~lakshmi said...

These little blogs are all hilarious keep em comin' & thanks for the laughs. Good Stuff. lol

1:57 AM  
Anonymous Noobie adventurer. said...

I hate heroes.

We're trying to exp our way out of level 25, we find us a nice jungle with the only prey we have the strengh to kill (plants, yes, we're that weak) and some goblin, easily 15 levels above us, comes in and soloes me and my 5 friends.

We try to run (we always do), but that thing must be using his weapon as a boomerang, because he still manages to hit us.

Good job, loser !
You just slaughtered 6 gardeners with no motive. You must be proud.
An expert in jeet-knife-boomerang-kune-do versus 6 gardeners.

Some hero.

Have you ever seen Him (Bruce Lee) brutally assault 6 gardeners ? No, He was picking on a group of 30 higly-trained, level 75, fully merited ninjas ... on low days.
And when he threw weapons, they didn't come back.

That cowardly goblin has to wait till we're asleep (breathing too much mandy pollen causes that), too.
Some hero.

4:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love "A Smithy's Life", keep up the good work.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Dear N00bie Adventurer,

We're sorry you were not fully satisfied with your Goblin Smithy stab related death package. Here at Smithy Enterprises, we do our best to ensure that all of our customers are eviscerated in an efficient and timely fashion.

Rest assured that in future, all of your stabbing needs will be met.

Sincerely,
Goblin Smithy
President

P.S. You fail at life.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot!
»

4:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » » »

4:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! »

5:24 PM  

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