Stupid Events

Do we honestly need an event every month? Yay! You get silly hats and level 1 weapons. And who doesn't like playing with dolls? But damn, those things are nasty boring for the goblins.

You adventurers spend all day running around giving presents to orphans or homeless kids or kids with asthma. Whatever. But what about me?

I'm stuck standing around waiting for someone to run by. Do you have any idea how boring that is?

My job is to murder you. You are an integral part of the job. You can't spell "kill you" without the "you". So all of these stupid events are making it hard for me to do my job.

And I don't even get the day off work. I mean, c'mon. Declare a civic holiday, so I can spend time with my family. And by family, I mean bottle of alcohol.

We should have a goblin festival. The whole point will be that you have to attack special event Smithys. Upon attacking them, two things will happen:

1) you will receive a rare/ex level 1 headgear (a helmet)
2) you will be instantly deleveled to level 1. Forever.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

But noooooo. I have to stand in the middle of the jungle doing nothing while you kids run around trading cookies to dead people. Does a corpse really need a cookie? Seriously. I've never died and then gone "Damn, I wish I had an oreo."

We goblins need soft torsos for the stabbing. We need them. So every minute you spend running around with eggs trying to spell 'onomatapea', you're taking the food out of my mouth.

And by food, I mean alcohol.

Give a hoot. Get stabbed by a goblin.

I hate events.