Monday, April 03, 2006

Expanding My Horizons

As I'm sure you already know, there's a new expansion on the way. Treasures of Aht Urghan is going to completely change our world. Vana'diel may never be the same.

When pondering this major world shift, I'm fairly certain every adventurer is asking themselves the same question:

What do the goblins get this time?

Seriously, we've been getting shafted with the expansions and the updates. Yeah, sure the Yugado got to unlock Summoner and Ninja. But what about us?

First, I heard about Besieged. I was really excited until I read more about it. Adventurers are going to come to our house and kick our asses. Is that really fair?

Suppose I'm sitting at home relaxing. Now, I have to worry about adventurers stabbing me while I'm trying to watch Prison Break. Yeah... that sounds like a lot of fun.

I mean, damn. We don't go into their little cities, do we? I've never walked around San d'Oria stabbing people in the spine.

Then the news about Assault came out. Awesome. Now we get to go to your cities and beat up your stuff. Property values are going to drop like rocks. And those stupid gate guards... now, they've got to man up and defend themselves.

But Assault is only open to the new cities in Aht Urghan or wherever. The company goes and hires a bunch of Mamool Ja and they get to have all the fun.

I have seniority over those guys. I've been here since day one. I was killing Japanese players in the Beta, for Altana's sake. Where's the justice?

I swear, if I can't unlock one of those new jobs, someone is going to die. Die slowly.

Corsair Smithy. Nice ring to it, huh?

But no. The adventurers will get all the new stuff and equipment, and I'll be stuck doing the same old thing. No going Godzilla in a city. No playing Puppetmaster. If I ever meet a developer, I'm going to kick him in the groin.

At least give me a freakin' city, would you?

And not some weird new city in the "far east." I am soooo not commuting.

I hate expansions.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you got besieged and assualt mixed about Mr. Smitty.
And from what I hear you Goblins may team up with adventures in Besieged.

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Denkou said...

no, smithy had it right it was from his perspective effectively making besieged and assault switch places. Think about it. Nice try.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

You fail at life.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:52 PM  
Anonymous Xero From Cerberus said...

I know this is a few posts late, but in regards to your return trip to dynamis I was there. You put up a good fight

And as you can see, it ended well

2:19 AM  
Anonymous Mamba said...

Smithy I want to kick the groin of your love!
<3 <3 <3

3:12 AM  
Anonymous Mamool Ja Smithy said...

Regretting that race choice, heh ?

We shall defend the honor of our glorious lizard ancestors (ok, maybe not so glorious), while you get to hang with the degenerate newborns of your species (Moblins).
Goblins are on decline.

Your time has elapsed, ours has come.

At least, Moblins have shame and hide in their caves. They know the end is nigh, you goblins on the outside are in denial.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Mamool Ja Smithy said...

And how were you planning to go Godzilla in a city in the first place ?
You're not even a lizard !
I swear, those goblins get dumber every day.
We instill fear in the heart of adventurers, while they get laughs out of goblins.
And we're not even here yet.

6:49 AM  
Anonymous Mamool Ja Pathfinder said...

A bee as pet ?

You goblins are pathetic !
My pet's Cerberus !

Oooh, a path !

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Mamool Ja Smithy said...

Pathfinder, you do know Cerberus is only following you because you smell like a meal to him, right ?

There's an upside, though. I won't have to tolerate your presence much longer.

7:42 AM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Hey guys, get a room.

You know, you may have a new event and all that, but there's one thing you don't have: lips.

Like I'm really scared of a race that can't even whistle.

You know why you're called the Mamool Ja? Cause noone can tell what the hell you're saying.

"What did he say his race was? Mama Ooljaw? What the hell? Just call them Mamool Ja or soemthing.

Stupid retarded lizards."

Btw, good luck ever checking out Beaucidine, you cold blooded morons.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Mamool Ja Smithy said...

Ever heard of Frost and Snow lizards ?

Somehow, we can adapt to the climate of the northlands.

We'd be guarding Castle Zvahl too, but the Kindred have assigned us a much more important task.

Dealing with Cerberus. No goblin can say that he is keeping the Gardian of Tartarus under control, can he ?
No, goblins are just dealing with the gardian of Tarutarus. Which happens to be a long-haired hippie Tarutaru. Some hard task you have there !

We're so powerful, Odin left the northlands when he learnt about us.
He wants to lord over a race of proud and strong warriors, not weaklings like you goblins.

4:50 AM  
Anonymous HobMamool Ja Angler said...

We're "cold-blooded killers".

7:25 AM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Are you guys seriously trying to defend your race?

I mean, you guys are the ugliest damn thing on our planet. You know why Promathia chained himself up? So he wouldn't have to look at you monstrocities.

Honestly, guys. Get some headgear. Or a mask. Hell, third degree burns would look better than those faces.

And yeah, you have pet dogs. Nice. Except you morons can't whistle for them to come to you.

"Here, Cerby. Pbbthbthbthbtt. Dammit, why don't we have lips?)

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you forget about Movalpolis? It's teh Goblin/Moblin city.

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


7:07 PM  

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