Friday, March 31, 2006

My Crew

I'm sure many of you wonder what the other goblins are like.

Even if you don't, that's what you're getting. If you don't like it, get your own damned blog.

First on the list is my buddy Goblin Shaman. Despite my recent desire to beat him to death, I still count him among my friends. If I stopped being friends with everyone I wanted to kill, I'd have no friends at all.

And let me tell you, the list ain't long to begin with.

Shaman is pretty cool. He's a Black Mage. Every now and again, we like to go to Bastok and yell "FIRE!" Then, when people start looking around, he casts Firaga III on all the low levels.

Nothing says bonding like watching galkas spontaneously combust.

Next on the list is Goblin Pathfinder. Damn, that guy is irritating.

Everytime we're walking through the jungle, he goes "There's a path. And there's another."

I mean, he's basically a horribly deformed girl guide. Of course there are paths. We're walking through a jungle. Walking through a jungle necessitates a path.

And his freakin' pets. I mean honestly, he's a goblin. Have some pride, man. Why the hell do you need a bee following you around?

Goblin Furrier used to be cool. Then the damned ranger "adjustment" happened. Now, he just bitches and whines about how great it used to be.

I'd stab him to death, but he always subs Ninja and I don't have the patience to fight shadows.

Goblin Leecher is a great guy to have around. There is nothing funnier than a group of n00b adventurers getting me down to a sliver of health and having Leecher cast Cure III on me.

"YAY! He's dying, he's dyi... Oh dear lord, he has become Death incarnate! Oh gloorrrgrgrg [muffled stab related dying sounds]"

I'd hang around with him more often if it wasn't for the smell. I mean, I don't think he's showered since the Japanese Beta. People wonder why there's a deodorize spell. The reason: Leecher.

Then, there's my little brother, Goblin Tinkerer. I was very proud to see him take up the Dark Knight job, but if he doesn't stop singing "Tear my life into pieces, this is my Last Resort," I'm going to be an only child.

Being a ruthless killer I can accept. But emo? Hell no.

So those are my friends... well, the guys I hang out with. Actually, I don't even hang out with many of them.

Basically, other than Shaman, they're a waste of DNA. And I only like him because he knows Fire IV. Hard to say no to a guy who can light you on fire.

Damn, I hate my friends.


Anonymous Goblin Fisher said...

Oh, now that you're not a Fisher anymore you can't give love?

I've seen you hang around the hidden pools in the jungle.

6:51 AM  
Anonymous Goblin Tinkerbell said...

Oh, oh I see how it is now Smithy. You thought we would never see this?! You thought we'd never find out you were talking about us behind our bags?!

P.S. I always knew he was "lighting your fire" you sell out.

10:24 AM  
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WAR for the win.

9:23 PM  
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