Thursday, April 06, 2006

Delkf$#%'s Tower

So, I'm on duty in the tower. This is kind of cool because very few people bother me here.

Some days, you just need a break from all the maiming and the killing and the stabbing with the pointy knife.

I'm just walking around when I notice Ogygos down the hall.

Now giants are pretty cool guys usually. I mean, they're ugly as sin, but at least they're not Mamool Ja.

I head on over and start up a conversation with Ogygos. He shows me his bracelets and I resist the urge to snatch them and run.

I resist the urge simply because he'd hit me with a boulder from a mile away and then beat the living hell out of me. Such things can seriously affect your conscience. I'm a really nice guy when there's the threat of imminent death.

Man, those giants get some serious "bling". They get awesome bracelets and I get armor made from a 1982 station wagon. Yeah... that's real damned fair.

So, we continue to chat for a while when suddenly he starts to giggle. I turn around and see a Ranger standing just down the hallway.

Ranger readies Eagle Eye Shot.

Ogygos>> Oh man. This is gonna hurt.
GoblinSmithy>> Haha... You're toast.
Ogygos>> I hate you, Jerk.
GoblinSmithy>> Sticks and stones may break my bones...
GoblinSmithy>> But arrows'll kill your ass.

And then an interesting thing happened. Apparently, a convergence of a poor base agility stat and a lack of proper ranged accuracy gear, came together in a single unfortunate event:

I GOT SHOT IN THE BACK OF THE FREAKING HEAD!

I mean, POW! I'm looking at poor, soon-to-be-dead Ogygos and then, suddenly, there's 6 inches of arrow where my brain should be.

Apparently, a 1982 station wagon could not resist serious arrow damage. Good to know.

I go down like a prom date and watch breathlessly (literally), while Ogygos redesigns the poor Ranger's skeletal structure.

After the young Ranger has been re-educated in normal social conduct (read: his spine was pulled out through his face), Ogygos was kind enough to call for a raise for me.

As I'm being raised, Ogygos says he feels really bad and offers me a reward for my pain.

I am suddenly rejuvenated. That arrow hurt like a Mamool Ja spelling bee, but it will be well worth it for a set of Gigas bracelets. He reaches in his pocket and hands me...

Gigas socks.

Socks.

Gigas socks.

Multiple Choice Question: I hate?

a) Rangers
b) Gigas
c) All of the above

If you did not answer 'c', please take an aspirin. To the temple. Applied with a gun.

I hate this stupid tower.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

loling hard here.

socks.

i think my eyes are bleeding i'm laughing so hard.

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Denkou said...

/clap
I'm loving this keep it up
/bow Goblin Smithy

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Denkou said...

/clap
I'm loving this keep it up
/bow Goblin Smithy

4:53 PM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

OMG.

I have never, ever in my entire LIFE laughed as hard reading ANYTHING as I just did here.

This one post is so funny I have tears in my eyes.

If you stop writing, I swear to God my life will become meaningless.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Daeren said...

I can relate, Mr. Smithy. I've camped that black n' tatooed bastard more times than I can count, and it never failed: drop was an Ice Crystal and a pair of moldy socks.

11:03 PM  
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2:15 PM  

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