Wives, Knives, and Lost Lives

As I mentioned, I'm married. I am madly, head over heels in love with my wife.

Now, I'll be the first to agree that she is dogbone ugly. I mean, damn. Even Tiamat wouldn't aggro that thing.

People kept telling me it wouldn't work. I'm a goblin and she's a crime against nature.

But I love her anyway. (Plus, between you, me, and the blog, she is an absolute freak in bed)

So, given the fact that I love her, I get mighty upset when people insult my wife. And by mighty upset, I mean I get mighty homicidal.

Yesterday evening, I was taking my wife on a lovely walk through Rolanberry Fields.

It was funny. We stopped for a minute and when I started walking with her again, I asked her if she had changed her hair.

Turns out, I was walking with a Goobue.

Anyway, as we're taking an leisurely stroll a bunch of n00b adventurers run up and start screaming.

Player1>> OH MY LORD! WTF IS THAT?!
Player2>> I hope my videocard is broken.
Player3>> MY EYES! MY EYES!
Player1>> Someone call a GM!
Player3>> Kirin had a baby with Argus!
GoblinSmithy>> Shut up, you little bastards!
Player2>> OMG! It's got a pet goblin!
Player1>> Probably for lunch.
Player3>> Why God why?
GoblinSmithy>> You asked for it.

Now, they started running (they always run). But they didn't seem to be running from me.

They were running from her.

I was pissed!

Those little n00b punks were gonna die.

So, I start stabbing away. Face stab, neck stab, face stab, groin stab.

Groinstabgroinstabgroinstab.

But they didn't even notice. They just kept screaming (in terror, not pain).

And worse yet, when they died, they all seemed relieved.

Player2>> Oh thank goodness.
Player1>> Sweet merciful death.
Player3>> Yay! I landed face down!

How could I make them suffer? How could I make them pay?

That's when it came to me.

GoblinSmithy>> Honey?
MrsSmithy>> Yes, dear?
GoblinSmithy>> Sit on them.

I can still hear the screaming.

I hate n00bs.