Thursday, April 13, 2006

Wives, Knives, and Lost Lives

As I mentioned, I'm married. I am madly, head over heels in love with my wife.

Now, I'll be the first to agree that she is dogbone ugly. I mean, damn. Even Tiamat wouldn't aggro that thing.

People kept telling me it wouldn't work. I'm a goblin and she's a crime against nature.

But I love her anyway. (Plus, between you, me, and the blog, she is an absolute freak in bed)

So, given the fact that I love her, I get mighty upset when people insult my wife. And by mighty upset, I mean I get mighty homicidal.

Yesterday evening, I was taking my wife on a lovely walk through Rolanberry Fields.

It was funny. We stopped for a minute and when I started walking with her again, I asked her if she had changed her hair.

Turns out, I was walking with a Goobue.

Anyway, as we're taking an leisurely stroll a bunch of n00b adventurers run up and start screaming.

Player2>> I hope my videocard is broken.
Player3>> MY EYES! MY EYES!
Player1>> Someone call a GM!
Player3>> Kirin had a baby with Argus!
GoblinSmithy>> Shut up, you little bastards!
Player2>> OMG! It's got a pet goblin!
Player1>> Probably for lunch.
Player3>> Why God why?
GoblinSmithy>> You asked for it.

Now, they started running (they always run). But they didn't seem to be running from me.

They were running from her.

I was pissed!

Those little n00b punks were gonna die.

So, I start stabbing away. Face stab, neck stab, face stab, groin stab.


But they didn't even notice. They just kept screaming (in terror, not pain).

And worse yet, when they died, they all seemed relieved.

Player2>> Oh thank goodness.
Player1>> Sweet merciful death.
Player3>> Yay! I landed face down!

How could I make them suffer? How could I make them pay?

That's when it came to me.

GoblinSmithy>> Honey?
MrsSmithy>> Yes, dear?
GoblinSmithy>> Sit on them.

I can still hear the screaming.

I hate n00bs.


Blogger WindexHamster said...


1:21 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Player3>> Yay! I landed face down!

How could I make them suffer?

Well clearly you need to kill elves! They'll land faceup and the wife-sitting tactic will be even more effective!

5:56 PM  
Anonymous Mandy The Mandragora said...

Poor Goby. Here i found something that may cheer you up. enjoy.

3:45 AM  
Anonymous Saylah said...

Hilarous blog. This was my first visit. I found your link on KTR.

You're a nut. :-)

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Realtor said...

Hi my name is Jeff.
Did you Know...............
1 out of 5 kids has been sexually solicited online (NOT JUST GIRLS).
1 out of 4 kids has been sent a picture of naked people or people having sex online.
That May 21, 2002 there was the first death of a child linked directly to an Internet Predator?
Every one would love the world to be perfect and great but with the good come the bad. All we can do is hope for the best and be proactive in preventing the bad things from happening. I can tell you that we think we know what our kid are thinking and doing. Do not be one of the parents that says my child would never do that ( they are kids and will try things even when you tell them not to do it).
My little brothers and sister are a good example! They had it made........My father and stepmother had a little computer knowledge but not much ( at this time in the past the only things you had to really worry about was internet porn because chat rooms, messengers and blogs were not around or very few were) and they tried to do there best to keep them from going to internet porn. THEY DID NOT!!! They thought they did but my brothers were smarter than my parents and could erase their tracks.
My site has more articles on internet safety software .
Please visit internet safety software

2:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A realtor...?


Get cancer, please.

3:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great site » » »

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work »

7:05 PM  

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