Saturday, April 22, 2006

Blue Mages Taste Like Chicken.

Now, that didn't take long at all, did it?

Today, I got my first shot at a new Blue Mage. How do I describe the situation?

Is underwhelmed a word?

I was really expecting more from these guys. I mean, for all the "OMG mak blu mages PLZ!" crap people have been shouting for years, I really expected Blue Mages to be scary.

You're not scary.

Ironically, these morons just keep running around asking me to kill them with a bomb.

Asking? Hell, they're begging me.

This morning, things were starting to look normal again. I was hanging out in Yuhtunga. You know, making idiots regret having farmed up those three keys.

So, I see a party hdiing out behind one of those walls...

Side note: what the hell are those walls for anyway? They're made of sticks for Altana's sake. Sticks.

Anyway, this is a nice level 25 or so party and they're beating up a Mandy. I decide to join the party.

Now, I'm not pro-mandy or anything. Those little bastards are annoying as hell. But I just can't stand to see a White Mage not being stabbed in the face.

I wade into the battle and the White Mage takes two shots before they even know what's going on.

They start to panic.

Paladin>> Oh shit! We're dead.
WhiteMage>> Provoke DAMMIT!
Warrior>> Should we zone?
BlueMage>> No. Wait for him to drop a bomb.

I'm sorry. What did that moron just say?

BlueMage>> I need him to drop a bomb.

Okay, this boy is just plain damned crazy. His next piece of body armor is going to have sleeves that fasten in the back, if you know what I mean.

Paladin>> Shut up. We're zoning.
WhiteMage>> Christ, I'M DYING OVER HERE! PROVOKE!
Dragoon>> Let's just get out of here.
BlueMage>> Go if you want. I'm staying.

And the award for dumbest thing ever said goes to...

Dragoon>> Fine with me. Later.
Paladin>> Have fun.
WhiteMage>> I'M DEAD, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!
WhiteMage>> DON'T ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO PROVOKE?
BlueMage>> He's all mine now.

Apparently, the quest to unlock the Blue Mage job requires several blows to the head.

Good to know.

So, the other five take off. Well... the other four. Their White Mage is currently attempting to breath dirt.

GoblinSmithy>> Is this a joke or something?
GoblinSmithy>> Am I on Candid Camera?
BlueMage>> Drop a bomb.
GoblinSmithy>> Who in the what now?
BlueMage>> Drop a bomb!
BlueMage>> I want to learn Bomb Toss.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh...
GoblinSmithy>> I can help you there.
BlueMage>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> Yup.
GoblinSmithy>> First you find someone who is functionally retarded.
GoblinSmithy>> That would be you.
BlueMage>> HEY!
GoblinSmithy>> Are you writing this down?
BlueMage>> You're a jerk.
GoblinSmithy>> Some thanks I get for trying to help.
GoblinSmithy>> Damned retards.
BlueMage>> I'm not retarded!
GoblinSmithy>> You are from where I'm standing.
BlueMage>> Just drop a bomb would you?
GoblinSmithy>> I rest my case, your honor.
BlueMage>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing.
GoblinSmithy>> *coughretardcough*
BlueMage>> What did you say?
GoblinSmithy>> I didn't say anything.
GoblinSmithy>> *coughRETARDcough*
BlueMage>> I heard that.
GoblinSmithy>> Heard what?
GoblinSmithy>> Retard.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Oh yeah... cough.
BlueMage>> DROP A DAMNED BOMB ALREADY!
GoblinSmithy>> No problem. In fact, you get today's special.
BlueMage>> What's today's special?
GoblinSmithy>> Every bomb comes with a side order of knife.

*FACESTAB*

GoblinSmithy>> Hey, look!
GoblinSmithy>> You have 1 hp left.

*BOMBTOSS*

GoblinSmithy>> Hey, look!
GoblinSmithy>> You have -134 hp left.
BlueMage>> You're an ass.
GoblinSmithy>> Why so blue?

Learn that, you jumped up moron.

Damn, I hate Blue Mages.

9 Comments:

Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

LMFAO OMG!!!!11!
BEST...BLOG..EVER!
Seriously smithy. That..was..AWESOME!

10:57 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

rofl awesome!!! loved it!

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Fauxylady said...

Funny. I didn't know Blue mage didn't require intelligence.

Anyways, glad to see your still here.

3:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Goblin Smithy.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO! Hurray you're back!!

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Goblin Tinker said...

Good to see you back bro but i still wish you come to visit me sometimes Heck bring pathfinder and we can tie him up and force him to listen to my music.... or its a small world over and over.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

\(^-^)/ I wanted to be one of those noobs there in the jungle, but didn't notice the DVD-rom requirement on the expansion, so it's gonna be awhile. I'll use a few Int+ pieces tho and hopefully find the intelligence to wait for a non-completly-life-threatening opportunity to learn your bomb toss :D For the record, I've never donated to such sites as this...nor have I voiced my malcontent to an ad service such as google for being a noob in their own realm--but today makes a first for both. Keep up the good work and I'll even let ya have a few face stabs on me to keep ya cheered up. ^^

1:48 PM  
Blogger Mint said...

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3!!!

2:02 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

I'd snug you to welcome you back, but you'd probably stab me in the face for it. :( So instead I'll say:

Look! A path!

9:28 PM  

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