Friday, April 28, 2006

New Jobs Get Revenge

Alternate Title: "The Expansion Strikes Back"

Apparently, some of my comments have pissed off several players who have taken up the new jobs.

Who knew?

I can't really blame them though. With the flood of players taking up the new jobs, they really have nothing better to do than freak out about my blog.

Suck on that a one time.

But there are days that my words come back and bite me in the ass.

Only replace "my words" with "pointy weapons" and replace "bite me" with "stab me".

Last night, basking in the thought of having my own fan club, I went to work in Yhoator Jungle. Things were fairly quiet, which I must say was kind of annoying.

I had taken the time to get my axe all shiny and nice. You know, all ready to be introduced to a n00b's skull...

Or groin...

And I was really itching to make with the chopping.

So, I'm walking around kicking pebbles (read: mandys), when a Corsair runs up to me and opens fire.

Damn, those nerf guns sting.

I immediately go to work. I just went lumberjack with that axe and that punk was coming down.

GoblinSmithy>> Timber, bitch!
Corsair>> Are you quite done?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm just getting started.

And then I noticed something: he didn't seem to be really fighting back.

My first thought was that he was a Corsair, so I shouldn't expect much. But then I started to wonder.

GoblinSmithy>> What's wrong, huh?
GoblinSmithy>> Run out of foam balls for your wittle gun?
Corsair>> Nope.
Corsair>> I'm just waiting.

Waiting? WAITING?!

Do I look like a freakin' BUS STOP?!

This, of course, pissed me off royally. I went absolutely berserk with that axe.

And then I heard it. A low rumbling.

GoblinSmithy>> I swear if 18 Garrison NPCs show up...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm gonna burn this jungle to the ground.

That's when I saw them: countless Corsairs and Blue Mages and Puppet Masters. And their dollies, too.

GoblinSmithy>> Uhhh...
GoblinSmithy>> Listen, guys. It was all in good fun.
GoblinSmithy>> Right?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> right?

They descended on me like a pack of wild dogs. Toy guns and barbie dolls flew through the crowd. Rabbit Kicks poured down like rain.

I really wished Pathfinder were here.

Instead of me.

I was going down fast when I look up and see that first Corsair with a smug smile on his face.

That bastard.

So, with my last few breaths, I asked him a simple question.

GoblinSmithy>> Can I ask you something?
Corsair>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> You wouldn't happen to be Jewish would you?
Corsair>> No.
Corsair>> Why?

And that's when I hit him right in the groin with my axe.

GoblinSmithy>> It's funny.
GoblinSmithy>> You look Jewish.

Nothing like a full force circumcision to make dying worthwhile.

I may have lost out to those new job idiots, but at least he'll have trouble with his expansion.

If you know what I mean.

I hate Corsairs.


Blogger Rich said...

"Nothing like a full force circumcision to make dying worthwhile."

Yeah, thanks, it's gonna take me hours to get the soda I just spewed all over my desk cleaned up.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

trouble...with his expansion... omg! LOL

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I <3 you!

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Pteryx said...

*laugh* Why do I have a feeling this Corsair is going to be a recurring nemesis? ;) -- Pteryx

4:40 PM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

"GoblinSmithy>> I swear if 18 Garrison NPCs show up...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm gonna burn this jungle to the ground."

LMAO! That made my day...

4:53 PM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

LMAO!!!!!!! This blog is hilarious. I don't know which is better, the "nothing like a full force circumcison to make dying worthwhile" or "GoblinSmithy>> I swear if 18 Garrison NPCs show up...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm gonna burn this jungle to the ground."

You rock my world Goblin Smithy!

9:28 PM  
Anonymous Ouren said...

OMG!! LOLAZ I was crying i was laughing so hard!

1:17 AM  
Blogger matt said...

we hate you too, Smithy
-Don Zaloog lvl 70 COR

6:53 PM  

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