Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Revenge of the Smithy

Being such a powerful and fear inspiring individual such as myself, you'd probably assume that I am above such petty ideas as taking my revenge.

You would be wrong.

Revenge is the highlight of my day. Nothing actually makes a Goblin feel better than taking vengeance on those who have injured us.

Or betrayed us.

Today, I woke up with an overwhelming urge to distribute my own special version of justice.

Smithy justice.

It's just like regular justice, except instead of punishing those who commit crimes against the greater good, Smithy justice involves punishing those who commit crimes against the greater Smithy.

The greater Smithy being me, obviously.

But who? Who would make a fair target for my bottled rage? My endless bloodlust?

And who would make it very easy to do?

I needed someone who had wronged me. Someone who was worth destroying. Someone who is too stupid to make it time consuming.

Too stupid...

I'll give you three guesses who I was going to hurt.

And the first two don't count.

That's right. Everyone's favorite punching bag:

PATHFINDER!

Now, how was I going to find Pathfinder?

GoblinSmithy>> Man, I'm glad Pathfinder isn't here.
GoblinPathfinder>> Hey, Smitty.

That worked faster than I thought.

I never thought that fate's intense hatred of me could actually come in handy.

GoblinSmithy>> Heya, Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> I was just looking for you.
GoblinPathfinder>> Well, you found me.
GoblinPathfinder>> Aren't you lucky?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> In a manner of speaking, yes.
GoblinPathfinder>> What are you up to?
GoblinSmithy>> I was going to look for some paths.
GoblinPathfinder>> Really?!
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Why? Did you want to come along?
GoblinPathfinder>> Heck YEAH!!!

Dear Altana, this boy makes it way too easy.

I mean, it's not even a challenge anymore.

GoblinPathfinder>> Can I bring my bee?

><

GoblinSmithy>> Sure, man.
GoblinSmithy>> Sure.
GoblinPathfinder>> Yay!
GoblinSmithy>> Damn, you're retarded.
GoblinPathfinder>> What did you say?
GoblinSmithy>> I said it looks like rain.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh.
GoblinPathfinder>> It is kind of cloudy.
GoblinSmithy>> Retard.
GoblinPathfinder>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Rain.
GoblinSmithy>> We should get going.
GoblinPathfinder>> Where are we going?

Now, there's a good question.

Where would be a fun and interesting place to kill Pathfinder?

GoblinSmithy>> How about Western Altepa Desert?
GoblinPathfinder>> Ooooooooo, that sounds like fun.
GoblinSmithy>> It does, doesn't it?
GoblinPathfinder>> We could take my new car.
GoblinSmithy>> You have a car?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yup. It's a Nissan.
GoblinSmithy>> Don't say it.
GoblinSmithy>> I swear to Altana...
GoblinPathfinder>> It's a Nissan Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Shall we go?
GoblinPathfinder>> Don't forget my bee, Smitty.

Lord suffering Promathia...

GoblinSmithy>> Oh, I wouldn't forget him.
GoblinSmithy>> I'll be sure to kill him twice.
GoblinPathfinder>> What did you...
GoblinSmithy>> Rain, DAMMIT!
GoblinSmithy>> Let's go.

We got a Teleport from a passing Garnet Quadav and were on our way to Western Altepa.

GoblinPathfinder>> Hey look! A path!
GoblinPathfinder>> This is fun.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh yeah. This is a party.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey, look over here.
GoblinPathfinder>> Where?
GoblinSmithy>> Over here.
GoblinSmithy>> By the cliff.
GoblinPathfinder>> Did you find a path?
GoblinSmithy>> Sort of.
GoblinPathfinder>> I don't see one.
GoblinSmithy>> I've got a riddle for you, Pathfinder.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oooh.
GoblinPathfinder>> I love riddles.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you ready?
GoblinSmithy>> What season comes after Summer?
GoblinPathfinder>> Uhhhhh...
GoblinPathfinder>> Fall?
GoblinSmithy>> I bet you will.

*KICK*

I'll give him some credit. He managed to keep his cool for the first few seconds of the fall.

Either that or it took him that long to figure out what was going on.

You wouldn't think a little Goblin would make that much of a splatter.

The bee landing on top of him probably didn't help.

I was just about to head home when I noticed a strange shadow behind me. This was kind of weird because I was sure nightfall was still a few hours away.

That's when I turned around and noticed a large, dark wall directly behind me.

A wall with claws.

A wall named King Vinegarroon.

Day.

Yam.

One 1600 point weaponskill later and I had a new perspective on the world.

This may have been related to the fact that I was now seeing the world through the tattered remains of my face.

And possibly my spleen.

I blame Pathfinder for all of this. I really do.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Stuff, and I took your virginity Woot!

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

King Vinegarroon is a puss you could have taken him....wimp

11:33 PM  
Blogger Mortus said...

I do believe I just woke my neighbors up with this one. Couldn't stop laughing. Well done!

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Hylian of Siren said...

ok i LOL'd real hard on this one >< my favorite one by far thus far

1:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Julia)

"GoblinPathfinder>> It's a Nissan Pathfinder."

ROFL! I never would have thought of that, never in a million years. If only the Nissan company knew. :D

God, I'm completely hooked to this blog.

1:28 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

OMG!!!!!

I almost peed my pants reading this one! "Everyone's favorite punching bag" hahahaha classic!

2:16 AM  
Blogger Tobaba said...

/comfort Goblin Smithy

That Nissan comment made me shout with laughter. Keep up the good work =D

2:40 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

"Now, how was I going to find Pathfinder?

GoblinSmithy>> Man, I'm glad Pathfinder isn't here.
GoblinPathfinder>> Hey, Smitty."

LMAO legend we love you smithy...
::bows to the gobby god::
please please please come to gilgamesh and stab me in the face, i'll bleed in a pleasing way for you :)

5:49 AM  
Anonymous Nazna said...

GoblinSmithy>> Oh, I wouldn't forget him.
GoblinSmithy>> I'll be sure to kill him twice.
GoblinPathfinder>> What did you...
GoblinSmithy>> Rain, DAMMIT!
GoblinSmithy>> Let's go.

Priceless ^^

7:50 AM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

Thanks to you, every time I see a Nissan Pathfinder I start laughing hysterically. And of course, there is NO way to explain that, especially to non-FFXIers.


GoblinSmithy>> Rain, DAMMIT!

HAhaha!
/salute

10:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent stuff, however, King Vinny doesn't aggro as far as I remember. ;)

11:02 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Goblin Smithy, if you don't leave poor Pathfinder alone, I'm going to have to take time out of my busy schedule to hunt you down and hurt you. Pathfinder is cute and doesn't hurt anyone (eh, other than perhaps a passing adventurer), so just let him happily (and helpfully) point out paths to others.

GoblinPathfinder>> It's a Nissan Pathfinder.

...okay, now you're going to have me giggling endlessly at that every time I see one. Hee!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Poor Smithy...never goes your way, does it? Maybe you need your own car, then you can just run over pathfinder ^^v You need like, one of those huge hummers or something ;)

12:46 PM  
Blogger Reeree said...

I guess I should warn you, I inadvertantly may have accidentally sent some people to your jungle...

No doubt stabbing them repeatedly in the face will make you feel better. It will make me feel better if you do.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"GoblinPathfinder>> Yup. It's a Nissan.
GoblinSmithy>> Don't say it.
GoblinSmithy>> I swear to Altana...
GoblinPathfinder>> It's a Nissan Pathfinder."

I swear to god, I was eating rice when I read this and I spit it all out cause I was laughing so damn hard. Seriously man, that had me rolling. Hopefully you told everybody at FFXI Online about this update

6:14 PM  
Anonymous BobTheBuilder said...

I'm SOOO gona go scratch out Nissan and stensil in Goblin on my pathfinder!
Come on, after this what choice do i have?

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » » »

6:27 AM  
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9:38 PM  

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