Monday, May 08, 2006

Back to Basics

Let's recap the past couple of days, shall we?

I was killed by a crazy snake bitch. Then, I got killed by her army of skeletons. Then, I got killed by a legion of fleas with inferiority issues.

Yeah, life is going real well.

So, right after getting back to the mainland, I decided it was time to get back to my roots.

Well... the first thing I did was uninstall the expansion.

And then put the discs in my microwave.

And then I pulled out my harddrive and used steelwool on the sectors that the expansion had been saved on.

Then I decided to go back to my roots.

My roots being Yahtunga Jungle.

No more new areas, no more new species.

Smithy is going old school.

The air in the jungle seemed to vibrate with my presense. It was as if every n00b in Kazham suddenly understood that their doom was but one zoneline away.

Damn, it's nice to be home.

And do you know what else?

There were no Blue Mages, or Corsairs, or Puppetmasters, as far as the eye could see.

Apparently, my moron population control program is starting to work.

You're welcome.

I was just starting to wonder if this day could get any better when a level 28 Warrior ran by me.

Someone up there must love me.

Being the good citizen that I am, I politely explain to this poor unfortunate person that running that close to a Goblin can be hazardous to his health (read: I stabbed him a whole bunch).

GoblinSmithy>> Excuse me, good sir.
GoblinSmithy>> Can I interest you in a complimentary stabbing?

He turned around and pulled his axes.

AxeS. He was subbing Ninja.

Oh, freakin' fabulous.

Now, I have to spend an extra five minutes stabbing him and his shadows.

Damn you, Utsusemi.

Luckily, he didn't seem to be doing that much damage. I mean, those axes sting, but he's only level 28.

Plus, I'm getting in the occasional smack between his shadows.

GoblinSmithy>> Nice casting, Genius.
GoblinSmithy>> Why don't you head back to Qufim?
Warrior>> I think I'll stay here a while, thank you.
GoblinSmithy>> I hope you didn't plan on a long while.
GoblinSmithy>> I don't think you'll last much longer.
Warrior>> Don't be so sure, little man.

Why did this seem familiar?

Oh damn. His hp wasn't dropping.

And then I noticed something.

GoblinSmithy>> Can I ask you a question?
GoblinSmithy>> Why do you have Protect IV?
Warrior>> It's a surprise.
GoblinSmithy>> What kind of surprise?
Warrior>> Just a gift from adventurers who read your blog.




GoblinSmithy>> Your revenge is a level 28 WAR/NIN?
GoblinSmithy>> You need a better plan.
Warrior>> No.
Warrior>> Our bait is a level 28 WAR/NIN.
GoblinSmithy>> Bait?

BlackMage1 starts casting Fire IV.
BlackMage2 starts casting Thunder IV.
BlackMage3 starts casting Blizzard III.
BlackMage4 starts casting Flare.

GoblinSmithy>> Is it too late to apologize?

BlackMage1 casts Fire IV.
GoblinSmithy takes 897 points of damage.
BlackMage2 casts Thunder IV.
GoblinSmithy takes 1,022 points of damage.
BlackMage3 casts Blizzard III.
GoblinSmithy takes 941 points of damage.
BlackMage4 casts Flare.
GoblinSmithy takes 1,168 points of damage.
BlackMage1 defeats the GoblinSmithy.

GoblinSmithy>> &$^%&$%^&*%*&%
GoblinSmithy>> Isn't that a little bit of overkill?!
Warrior>> Love the blog, btw.

Sure is a good thing that I decided to get back to basics, huh?

Damn, I hate surprises.


Anonymous Fan #37. said...

1st post.
Great blog, btw. This along with [GM]Dave's. I'm a huge fan of your works. (1st blog post ever)

12:36 AM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

Wow.. Who would have though that people who love your blog would actually incinerate you into a crisp?

They'll be more of them I can assure you...

12:47 AM  
Anonymous BlackMage4 said...

i'm sorry about the Flare ... the other Black Mages made me do it ... don't kill my thief in Yahtunga the nest time i'm there

12:56 AM  
Blogger sngirl said...

Dear Goblin Smithy,

I know you took exception to that comment I made about your feet fetish, but really. That almost full-hp suicide bomb drop tonight was really uncalled for.

Then again, dying did erase that stupid 3hr whole-party mage food that our WHM accidentally used on everyone at least.

Still, you suck. ;)

1:53 AM  
Blogger Lishje said...


Seriusly, grand stuff man^^

2:58 AM  
Blogger Sphene the Paladin said...

dont worry smithy ^_^ I still love you and I would never
you for fun ^^
I spent an hour following
a Goblin Smithy yesterday our in your jungle /cheering him as he
stabbed the living daylights
out of some stupid deformed lamp weilding PuP

3:35 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...




Smithy, I've seen you stabbing all kinds of Adventurer's lately.. but did you -have- to me stab in the back? I mean, I would have thought you'd at least stab me in the face a few times.


8:48 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

This is my favorite one, out of all the Smithy and Dave posts. :D

*pokes Goblin Smithy* Stop making me feel sorry for you! Next thing you know, I'll stop killing you every chance I get, and then where will we be?

1:10 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:25 PM  
Anonymous WarlockVIX said...




I can't stop laughing. Good stuff!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Poor Smithy ;_; I'd never hurt you with a big spell like that :) Hell, I enjoy going to the jungle just to cheer you on and laugh at the newblettes that you slaughter, it's great entertainment ;)

2:47 PM  
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