Sunday, May 14, 2006

HAHA, BITCHES!

Alternate Title: "Smithy Tries Besieged"

This morning, things at work were absolutely bat shit insane.

Turns out a whole bunch of mobs from the Al Zahbi area decided not to show up and there was a huge Besieged scheduled to take place.

What do the powers that be do in this type of situation?

Do they postpone the event until our forces can arrive?

No.

Do they send in what forces we have and hope for the best?

No.

Do they reinstitute the draft and take unwilling participants and force them into war?

Uhh... yeah, apparently.

I'm getting geared up for my usual duty in Yhoator. You know, sharpening the sword and scotchguarding my armor to protect it from n00b blood.

And that's when they came in. Two big, burly Gigas (those sons of bitches) stomp their way in and start choosing random mobs to throw into battle.

Then, I noticed something strange. Something alarming...

They were pointing at me.

Well, gee freakin' whiz. Lucky me.

The next thing I know, I'm being rushed out the door and wrapped up in some strange Near East clothes. It looked like I was the lead actor in Pirates of Penzance.

Smithy was not happy.

So, I'm standing around in the most uncomfortable gear ever created and who do I see?

Shaman.

Luckily, Pathfinder was nowhere to be seen.

GoblinPathfinder>> HEYA, GUYS!

DAMMIT!

I have to stop saying shit like that.

GoblinShaman>> Hey, Pathfinder.
GoblinShaman>> Heya, Smithy. What's up?
GoblinSmithy>> Not much. Hoping not to die.
GoblinShaman>> Let's not shoot for the stars here.
GoblinSmithy>> Very funny.
GoblinSmithy>> If I die, I'm haunting you.
GoblinShaman>> And how exactly that would be different from now?
GoblinSmithy>> I'd say ' Boo' a lot more.
GoblinShaman>> Ah.
GoblinShaman>> Arer you two going to be cool together?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... he's not driving a car...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm cool with it if he is.
GoblinPathfinder>> Yeah, well...
GoblinPathfinder>> You're not driving a car either!
GoblinSmithy>> Nice comeback.
GoblinSmithy>> Did you hurt yourself?
GoblinPathfinder>> A little.
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing a couple of stabbings wouldn't cure.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'll be okay.
GoblinSmithy>> I hope not.
GoblinShaman>> Smithy, stop that. Be nice.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'll work with him if I have to.
GoblinShaman>> That's the spirit.
GoblinSmithy>> Whatever.
GoblinSmithy>> Let's go.
GoblinPathfinder>> Wait. I made you a card.
GoblinSmithy>> If it says "Let's BEE friends," you're retarded.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> nevermind.
GoblinSmithy>> Thought so. Let's get going.
GoblinSmithy>> Let me just grab my hat.
GoblinPathfinder>> MR. BEEINGTON!!!
GoblinPathfinder>> What did you do to him?!
GoblinSmithy>> I found him like this.
GoblinPathfinder>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> I just found him lying on the ground like this.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh.
GoblinPathfinder>> Okay then.
GoblinSmithy>> You're an idiot.
GoblinPathfinder>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> I said let's go.

Now, as soon as we set out, I knew this event was going to suck.

They didn't even warp us to the town gates. Oh hell no. They had to drop us off in the middle of nowhere and make us walk the rest of the way.

Note to self: remember to burn down Bhaflau Thickets

So, there we were, a massive fighting force of Near Eastern undead along with a random assortment of mobs from around the world.

Seeing a Mandy in a robe and turban was just damned funny.

The walk was not.

Anyway, we're marching our way through the Thickets when, out of nowhere, an alliance of adventurers pounced on us and started tearing through our ranks.

Things looked pretty nasty until Shaman and the various Black Mages in our group went to work. Black Mages from every beastman race and continent started chanting in unison and then the air around us turned to fire.

Welcome to the International House of Pain, Bitches.

A handful of Firaga IIIs later, and things were quiet again.

We continued our march, a little more lighthearted at watching some adventurers burn to death, and finally made it to Al Zahbi...

Where three more alliances were waiting for us.

Oh.

Day.

Yam.

But they just stood there. Waiting.

I mean, I've heard of (( Bio )) breaks, but Damn.

GoblinSmithy>> Hello?
GoblinSmithy>> Are you there?
Player1>> We're here.
Player2>> Well... except for one of the DRKs.
Player2>> He went to have sex with his girlfriend.
Player1>> He'll be back in two minutes.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay...
GoblinSmithy>> Umm...
GoblinSmithy>> Why aren't you attacking us yet?
Player1>> We want to see you guys attack the town.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> So...
GoblinSmithy>> You're just going to let us in?
Player2>> Oh yeah.
Player2>> We want to see you guys tear the place up.
GoblinSmithy>> Is this like a remedial class or something?
GoblinSmithy>> Is there a councillor or something to talk to?
Player1>> It'll be fun.
GoblinSmithy>> Seriously.
GoblinSmithy>> WTF is wrong with you people?
Player1>> Just go on in already.
GoblinSmithy>> I feel like I'm in the Special Olympics.

So, we march right on past those guys. Three alliances full of people who signed up specifically to kill us and now, they're giving tours of their homes.

I really don't understand people.

As we marched in through the gates, I was amazed at how big this town was. Goblins not having their own town *coughcough*, I was awestruck at how nice it seemed.

Unfortunately, since this beautiful thing was not mine, I would have to destroy it.

I'm like that.

We went quickly about our work and started killing anyone and anything in our way.

Then, apparently the three alliances must have come out of their stupidity-induced coma because they poured in behind us and started ripping through our lines.

I was just starting to get a nice bloodlust going, when a random adventurer stopped and started to stare at me.

Player4>> Are you supposed to be here?
GoblinSmithy>> No. I'm here to drop off a package.
GoblinSmithy>> Of course I'm supposed to be here, you moron.
Player4>> But you're not Near Eastern.
GoblinSmithy>> How do you know?
Player4>> You're a goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> So, I can't be Near Eastern?
Player4>> Uhh...
GoblinSmithy>> MY MAMA CAN'T BE NEAR EASTERN?
Player4>> Oh damn.
Player4>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> EAT SWORD, YOU RACIST PIG!!!

*FACESTAB*

GoblinSmithy>> Btw, can you direct me to the Astral Plinth?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not from the Near East.

Things took a sour turn after that. The adventurers must have called in reinforcements because we were swarmed.

There were adventurers everywhere.

I was just starting to get scared when the retreat horn blew. Our remaining forces ran in every direction and started to zone.

As I ran for the nearest zoneline, a pack of rabid adventurers hot on my heels, I grabbed an NPC to take as a hostage. Luckily, he was a Taru, so he wasn't hard to carry.

With barely a second to spare, I hit the zoneline and made it safely away.

I was walking away, trying to nurse my own wounds, when I noticed the little Taru mumbling something.

GoblinSmithy>> What?
Taru>> *whisperwhisper*
GoblinSmithy>> No, I don't want a warp now.
GoblinSmithy>> Retard.

I just pitched him in the nearest swamp.

I mean, who's going to miss one little Taru?

19 Comments:

Blogger Reeree said...

No one misses Taru. No one notices them at all.

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Pteryx said...

Uh oh.

You are so screwed, Mr. Smithy...

It was nice knowing you.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Rich said...

ACK! The warp Taru! /cry

Fortunately, the Moogles saw fit to give me a homing ring yesterday, so I can live without him long enough to wait for some idjits to go get him back.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

GoblinSmithy>> If it says "Let's BEE friends," you're retarded.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> nevermind.


Pathfinder is the cutest goblin ever~

But hey, you took the warp Taru, so I suppose we won't have to worry about you ever hurting Pathfinder again.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

Yeah that taru is gonna warp you straight back to bestige. You're screwed smithy.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Tyral said...

GoblinSmithy>> MY MAMA CAN'T BE NEAR EASTERN?
Player4>> Oh damn.
Player4>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> EAT SWORD, YOU RACIST PIG!!!

*FACESTAB*

GoblinSmithy>> Btw, can you direct me to the Astral Plinth?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not from the Near East.


XD, Nice, btw, the people abocve me in comments are right, You're done for, that warp NPC is precious o.o-b

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Julia said...

"GoblinPathfinder>> Wait. I made you a card.
GoblinSmithy>> If it says "Let's BEE friends," you're retarded.
GoblinPathfinder>> ..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How the hell did you end up doing Beseiged ... I thought you uninstalled the expansion? O.o

At any rate ... good stuff.

9:28 PM  
Blogger Hutea said...

Not the warp taru!!!! Noooo.. /cry

11:57 PM  
Anonymous Monty said...

Julia beat me to my point. I thought you uninstalled the expansion, as well. Did the gigas make you reinstall it? Smithy, do we need to band together to fight them, only to have you betray me when the fight is over, with a facestab? Cause I'm game for it, if ya let me wear the bee hat.

2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got two words for you.

Oh shit.

3:12 AM  
Blogger Meroduin said...

Apparently my Master has seen you doing Besieged, but you were on the payroll of the Empire at the time. It was very odd.

3:27 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

"GoblinSmithy>> MY MAMA CAN'T BE NEAR EASTERN?
Player4>> Oh damn.
Player4>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> EAT SWORD, YOU RACIST PIG!!!

*FACESTAB*

GoblinSmithy>> Btw, can you direct me to the Astral Plinth?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not from the Near East."

LMAO Oh my god that was classic!
So how did you like the robes smithy lol /evilgrin

7:32 AM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Yes, I reinstalled the expansion.

While the possibility of death said no, the possibility of getting some said yes.

I really had no choice.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Yay! Smithy didn't die! :D!

11:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you didn't die, for once...

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is all the updates? Surly you're not playing favorites with [GM]Dave?
Or have you done all that is to do with a Goblin?

3:15 PM  
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