Monday, May 29, 2006

Huked awn fonix wurked 4 mee

What is wrong with some of you?

I mean aside from the obvious.

Were some of you scared by a grammar book as a child?

Are you somehow allergic to proper spelling?

ARE YOU FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED?

If I have to listen to one more of you idiotic adventurers butchering your own language, you won't have to worry about fighting me.

I'll just kill myself.

Seriously, you cannot imagine the sheer frustration that comes with watching you people massacre a sentence.

I could give an Orc a dictionary and he'd make more sense that most of you.

And that's saying something.

What the hell is "lol"?

I know what it means, you morons.

I mean what kind of absolute asshead would say that?

Some of you even say it in real life. Out loud.

That's actually a justification for murder in some states.

And what about "sum"?

Is it really that difficult to type out "some"?

Perhaps you are trying to ration what few IQ points you have so you have to use as few letters as possible.

Or maybe you are just too damned busy to type ONE EXTRA LETTER.

I'm not being mean when I kill you.

I'm doing the world a service.

I should win the Nobel FRICKIN' Peace Prize.

You people actually deserve to die for your crimes against the english language.

Then there's "w".

That's just going too far.

I mean, brutalizing your own language is one thing. But picking on another language?

That's just wrong.

What did Japanese ever do to you?

I don't care how much anime (read: hentai) you watch, you're still not Japanese.

Oh, your "girlfriend" is Japanese.

You're still retarded.

(On a side note: that girl you stare at during math class does not qualify as your girlfriend)

There's no need to use "w". Just write "Haha".

It's not that hard. It's the sound laughing actually makes.

You should recognize it from the last time you asked out a girl.

You cannot begin to imagine how much I despise the cretins who actually talk like this. Especially during a fight.

Today was the last straw. I had just spent the entire morning fighting the dregs of the mental barrel, when I got attacked by someone who I can only assume was struck in the head as a child.

Repeatedly.

With a brick.

As I did not have a brick, I decided a sword might make a nice alternative.

Player>> (( Fishing )) ---> GoblinSmithy <>
Player>> come and get sum of dis.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that?
Player>> wut?
GoblinSmithy>> Or that?
Player>> wut do u mean?
GoblinSmithy>> He's trying to communicate with me.
GoblinSmithy>> I can tell.
Player>> WTF?!
GoblinSmithy>> HELLO THERE.
GoblinSmithy>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Player>> dammed goblin
GoblinSmithy>> Funny... you don't look like a goblin.
Player>> u gonna die
GoblinSmithy>> That's it.
GoblinSmithy>> Use your words.
Player>> SHUT UP U ASSFACE
GoblinSmithy>> NO!
GoblinSmithy>> Bad Player!!
GoblinSmithy>> Those words are bad.
Player>> oh ur gonna pay 4 that.
GoblinSmithy>> Great.
GoblinSmithy>> You're bad at english and math.
Player>> u sonuvabitch
GoblinSmithy>> You're German now?
GoblinSmithy>> Could we massacre one language at a time please?
Player>> I HATE U!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Oh!
GoblinSmithy>> We were so close that time!

After that he got even harder to understand (if you can believe it).

His pathetic attempts at language devolved into a barely recognizable pattern of grunts and moans.

It was like feeding time at the zoo.

As the fight wore on, it became readily apparent that he was not going to survive.

Darwinism at work, people.

GoblinSmithy>> As funny as this is...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm afraid I have to kill you now.
Player>> $%^& u, u $%^&ing Goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinSmithy>> Don't you find it ironic...
GoblinSmithy>> That I speak better english than you?
Player>> #$%#$^$#%^#$%^#$%^#$%^#@#@
GoblinSmithy>> I rest my case.

I felt a little bad about killing someone who was so obviously mentally handicapped.

Luckily, I stabbed him in the brain, so it's not like I damaged anything he was using.

Honestly, I beg of you people. Learn to use your own damned language.

It's getting very sad.

Actually... it's much worse than sad.

Is pathetisad a word?

Oh wait... look who I'm asking.

19 Comments:

Blogger Mint said...

lmao er...haha!

2:45 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...

FINALLY! Someone else says it! I'm not the only one!

I wonder how hard it is to type one or two extra little letters... I blame AOHell.

3:01 AM  
Anonymous Monty said...

Smithy, I completely agree with you. I was skilling up in Kuftal tonight, and our original camp was crowded with noobs, so we moved to the other side of the tunnel. Apparently a noob party did, as well. My party arrived first, and he said "move to the entrance plz" and when we told his party to go back, he used big words like "f" and "u". Then he claimed that he asked us nicely to move our party, so we pointed out that "plz" isn't a word, and that he didn't ask, as much as told us to move. Then his party got killed by crabs, so we let the bodies lie until they went to their home points.

4:02 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO yeah i know what you mean, sure we all use a lot of abreiviation but some people are just plain asshats i mean the LOL group of net-abreiviations i don't have a problem witt, and i can just about deal with FYI, IMO, BTW etc.. complete disregard for any grammar or spelling at all is a total disgrace. I mean yeah sure we've all mistyped in chat and not bothered to correct (teh-the etc..) the spelling after sending the message because we know it will be understood, but some of the people need parents to give them a dictionary/thesaurus and a good swift kick in the arse for christmas each year until they get themselves sorted and be banned from the net until such time :)

Smithy please spare us from these morons facestab them all into oblivion :)

7:05 AM  
Blogger Aylee said...

First of all, a question:

Who has, since reading this blog, said the words 'you need to be stabbed multiple times in the face', in real life to the buffudlement of bystanders? Ah well.

I personally find the use of 'l33t' terms in FFXI to be perfectly acceptable. I know that when someone says something like, 'tihs iz gahy', it actually means, 'I am very young, and I have trouble acting mature in social situations. Please take a maternal and friendly tone with me, and avoid bruising my ego. In this manner, we can act as a coohesive group.'

Or:

'This is an opportune time to lead me to a friendly, community service orientated gobbie, while spamming the 'Warp' macro on yourself'.

Depending on my mood.

7:40 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

10:04 AM  
Blogger BuzZ said...

"GoblinSmithy>> WTH was that?"

lol. Don't lie, Smithy.

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Is pathetisad a word?"

Haha, that was the best joke that Drew Carrey ever churned out. Was the quote intentional? I wonder.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Thank you. I wish anyone who used "lol" or "plz" or a stand-alone "u" would automatically be fed to a dragon.

...wait, wrong blog.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

I have used WTH and WTF, but only to minimize the amount of swearing in the blog.

You have to watch out for those young impressionable minds.

I don't want swearing to get in the way of me desensitizing them to violence.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Dramanue of Fenrir said...

LOL:
The origin of "LOL" is unknown. It is rumored that it first started in print in 1973. Other rumors attribute its use to the Dutch word 'lol' meaning 'fun', which is likely to be a coincidence.

'lol' is sometimes used mockingly, usually to imitate a teenage girl or an AOL user, commonly portrayed as using lol and altenating caps in his/her Internet speech. In this sense, lol can be looked upon as a kind of filler word, akin to saying "umm".
[source: http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/enc3/lol_internet_slang2]

But, yes, in the end, I wholefully agree with your actions of slaughtering him. Then again, you don't need to deal with the idiots who spam the default macros in Valkurm...
Out of MP!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Amethyst Goddess said...

As someone who tries to speak in complete sentences all of the time, this rings true to me on so many levels. Really, people, it's not too damned hard to capitalize, use punctuation, and at least try to spell a word correctly.

Amen, Smithy.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Chronofantasy said...

Ha Ha, that was funny. I may only use small words like "u" and such when text-messaging to friends on my cell phone. It takes longer to text and you only get a small limited space to type out your idea, or thought.

I suppose most people don't know where half the keys on the keyboard is at properly. So they type as simply as they can. I never seen the word "sum" be used though.

On a side note: Retards in FFXI shouldn't use lol to laugh, there's an emote built in the game to use: /laugh, although I bet they never get this working and type /lol instead.

10:11 PM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

"Player>> u gonna die
GoblinSmithy>> That's it.
GoblinSmithy>> Use your words.
Player>> SHUT UP U ASSFACE
GoblinSmithy>> NO!
GoblinSmithy>> Bad Player!!
GoblinSmithy>> Those words are bad.
Player>> oh ur gonna pay 4 that.
GoblinSmithy>> Great.
GoblinSmithy>> You're bad at english and math.
Player>> u sonuvabitch
GoblinSmithy>> You're German now?
GoblinSmithy>> Could we massacre one language at a time please?"

BRILLIANT!!!

I exalt thee, Goblin Smithy!

3:25 AM  
Anonymous Gobbie Ambusha said...

Yea man, i no wut u meen, i h8 wen ppl tlk like dat, do dey think they bad or sumfin?
lol, dis blog is da shizzle man, i luv it. its bare funy m8 an i cnt w8 4 da l8est 1

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Barum said...

Great Thundering Heck! That has to be the funniest thing I have seen written in many a year.

I'm with Hutea on this one. If you're too lazy/retarded/"challenged" to make use of the language, then how much effort are you able to expend on "Adventuring" in the proper fashion?

Might I suggest that you read the book entitled "Eats, Shoots and Leaves." You will find it quite entertaining.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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1:35 PM  
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5:40 AM  
Anonymous Felixia said...

Hurray! Someone said it. I can't understand that language... I would become a goblin just to kill those bastard.

10:58 PM  

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