Am I the Only Sane Person?

Answer: apparently.

I am the only sane person in all of Vana'diel.

I've done extensive sampling of the adventurer, beastman, and monster populations and have come to the conclusion that everyone else is freakin' retarded.

Using some very specific scientific measuring criteria, along with a wide assortment of statistical analysis software, I have organized my findings into a complex graphical presentation.

Now, I had always been aware that the adventurer population was comprised mostl of retards.

I mean, it's not like that was hard to figure out.

But I had always assumed that Beastmen were generally normal.

Well... maybe not all Beastmen.

Still though, aside from Pathfinder, I had always thought the Goblins were quite intelligent, rational beings.

I was wrong.

It seems every other goblin is absolutely, freakin' crazy.

What does it say about our world when a psychopathic, sociopathic serial killer (ie. Me) can be considered the least crazy?

Earlier today, I was walking past the Crag of Dem, when I noticed a ??? on the ground.

Just in case there may have been some treasure involved, I traded a rock salt I had in my pocket to the ???.

I really wish I hadn't.

What happened? A big, freakin' Goblin appears out of nowhere.

Some idiot named GoblinArchaeologist.

And damn if he wasn't ugly.

I don't mean Goblin ugly. I mean ugly for a Goblin.

That's ugly.

Still, I was the one who spawned him, so I figured I should talk to him.

I really wish I hadn't.

GoblinSmithy>> Uhh... Hi there.
GoblinSmithy>> How's it going?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is that?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Call me Indiana.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh sweet Altana.
GoblinArchaeologist>> No, it's Indiana.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Indiana Jones.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to have to hurt you, aren't I?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> KNOCK THAT OFF!
GoblinSmithy>> You sound like a moron!
GoblinArchaeologist>> No time for love, Doctor Jones.
GoblinArchaeologist>> I'm off to fight the Nazis.
GoblinSmithy>> YOU'RE A GOBLIN!
GoblinSmithy>> We don't fight Nazis!
GoblinArchaeologist>> The Russians?
GoblinSmithy>> We don't fight those either!
GoblinArchaeologist>> Who do we fight then?
GoblinSmithy>> Adventurers.
GoblinArchaeologist>> I AM an adventurer.
GoblinSmithy>> I AM going to have to kill you.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> You're not an adventurer.
GoblinSmithy>> You're a goblin. Like me.
GoblinArchaeologist>> You're an archaeologist, too?
GoblinSmithy>> Okay.
GoblinSmithy>> Like me only dumber.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Can I call you Short Round?
GoblinSmithy>> If you want to have your lungs removed.
GoblinSmithy>> Through your ass.
GoblinArchaeologist>> No, thank you.
GoblinArchaeologist>> That might hurt.
GoblinSmithy>> You think?!
GoblinSmithy>> Damn, you're retarded.
GoblinArchaeologist>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Don't do it.
GoblinSmithy>> Don't do it.
GoblinArchaeologist>> DOO DE DOO DOO, DOO DE DOOOO!!!
GoblinSmithy>> That's it.
GoblinSmithy>> You're dead.

This moron had to die.

I really had no choice in the matter.

Well... okay, I completely had a choice. I could choose not to kill him.

Some people do that occasionally.

But, if I started not killing people, that would totally ruin my image.

I don't think serial insulter has the same ring to it.

So, I pulled out my sword and was just about to stab him when something strange happened.

I got hit.

WITH A WHIP!

I mean, seriously. Who the hell fights with a whip?

Damn, if that didn't hurt though.

GoblinSmithy>> WTH was that?
GoblinArchaeologist>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> The whip.
GoblinArchaeologist>> What whip?
GoblinSmithy>> The one you hit me with.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Ooooohhhhhh...
GoblinArchaeologist>> It's a whip.
GoblinSmithy>> I gathered that much.
GoblinSmithy>> From the stinging flesh and whatnot.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Cool, huh?
GoblinSmithy>> Let me rephrase the question.
GoblinSmithy>> *ahem*
GoblinSmithy>> Who the hell fights with a whip?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Well...
GoblinArchaeologist>> I do.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinArchaeologist>> And that dude from Castlevania.
GoblinSmithy>> Belmont?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Gesundheit.
GoblinSmithy>> I hate you.

He cracked the whip again, but this time I was ready for it.

I parried it with my sword and swooped in on him. My sword was a flurry of slashes in the air.

Things were going well, too. I knew for sure that I was about to win this fight.

And that's when I got ran down by a boulder.

I hate GoblinArchaeologist.

GoblinArchaeologist>> I hate snakes.

Would you shut up?