Sunday, May 28, 2006

Am I the Only Sane Person?

Answer: apparently.

I am the only sane person in all of Vana'diel.

I've done extensive sampling of the adventurer, beastman, and monster populations and have come to the conclusion that everyone else is freakin' retarded.

Using some very specific scientific measuring criteria, along with a wide assortment of statistical analysis software, I have organized my findings into a complex graphical presentation.

Now, I had always been aware that the adventurer population was comprised mostl of retards.

I mean, it's not like that was hard to figure out.

But I had always assumed that Beastmen were generally normal.

Well... maybe not all Beastmen.

Still though, aside from Pathfinder, I had always thought the Goblins were quite intelligent, rational beings.

I was wrong.

It seems every other goblin is absolutely, freakin' crazy.

What does it say about our world when a psychopathic, sociopathic serial killer (ie. Me) can be considered the least crazy?

Earlier today, I was walking past the Crag of Dem, when I noticed a ??? on the ground.

Just in case there may have been some treasure involved, I traded a rock salt I had in my pocket to the ???.

I really wish I hadn't.

What happened? A big, freakin' Goblin appears out of nowhere.

Some idiot named GoblinArchaeologist.

And damn if he wasn't ugly.

I don't mean Goblin ugly. I mean ugly for a Goblin.

That's ugly.

Still, I was the one who spawned him, so I figured I should talk to him.

I really wish I hadn't.

GoblinSmithy>> Uhh... Hi there.
GoblinSmithy>> How's it going?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is that?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Call me Indiana.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh sweet Altana.
GoblinArchaeologist>> No, it's Indiana.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Indiana Jones.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to have to hurt you, aren't I?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> KNOCK THAT OFF!
GoblinSmithy>> You sound like a moron!
GoblinArchaeologist>> No time for love, Doctor Jones.
GoblinArchaeologist>> I'm off to fight the Nazis.
GoblinSmithy>> YOU'RE A GOBLIN!
GoblinSmithy>> We don't fight Nazis!
GoblinArchaeologist>> The Russians?
GoblinSmithy>> We don't fight those either!
GoblinArchaeologist>> Who do we fight then?
GoblinSmithy>> Adventurers.
GoblinArchaeologist>> I AM an adventurer.
GoblinSmithy>> I AM going to have to kill you.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Doo de doo doo, Doo de doooo...
GoblinSmithy>> You're not an adventurer.
GoblinSmithy>> You're a goblin. Like me.
GoblinArchaeologist>> You're an archaeologist, too?
GoblinSmithy>> Okay.
GoblinSmithy>> Like me only dumber.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Can I call you Short Round?
GoblinSmithy>> If you want to have your lungs removed.
GoblinSmithy>> Through your ass.
GoblinArchaeologist>> No, thank you.
GoblinArchaeologist>> That might hurt.
GoblinSmithy>> You think?!
GoblinSmithy>> Damn, you're retarded.
GoblinArchaeologist>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Don't do it.
GoblinSmithy>> Don't do it.
GoblinArchaeologist>> DOO DE DOO DOO, DOO DE DOOOO!!!
GoblinSmithy>> That's it.
GoblinSmithy>> You're dead.

This moron had to die.

I really had no choice in the matter.

Well... okay, I completely had a choice. I could choose not to kill him.

Some people do that occasionally.

But, if I started not killing people, that would totally ruin my image.

I don't think serial insulter has the same ring to it.

So, I pulled out my sword and was just about to stab him when something strange happened.

I got hit.

WITH A WHIP!

I mean, seriously. Who the hell fights with a whip?

Damn, if that didn't hurt though.

GoblinSmithy>> WTH was that?
GoblinArchaeologist>> What?

GoblinSmithy>> The whip.
GoblinArchaeologist>> What whip?
GoblinSmithy>> The one you hit me with.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Ooooohhhhhh...
GoblinArchaeologist>> It's a whip.
GoblinSmithy>> I gathered that much.
GoblinSmithy>> From the stinging flesh and whatnot.
GoblinArchaeologist>> Cool, huh?
GoblinSmithy>> Let me rephrase the question.
GoblinSmithy>> *ahem*
GoblinSmithy>> Who the hell fights with a whip?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Well...
GoblinArchaeologist>> I do.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinArchaeologist>> And that dude from Castlevania.
GoblinSmithy>> Belmont?
GoblinArchaeologist>> Gesundheit.
GoblinSmithy>> I hate you.

He cracked the whip again, but this time I was ready for it.

I parried it with my sword and swooped in on him. My sword was a flurry of slashes in the air.

Things were going well, too. I knew for sure that I was about to win this fight.

And that's when I got ran down by a boulder.

I hate
GoblinArchaeologist.

GoblinArchaeologist>> I hate snakes.

Would you shut up?

11 Comments:

Blogger Cyrex said...

LMFAO (i hate that goblin too >.>)

12:35 AM  
Blogger shingui of cerberus said...

sorry for being reatred but where did the boulder come from?o.0

any excellent post i encountered that archealogist afew time hes a bloody pain in the arse

12:37 AM  
Blogger Chronofantasy said...

That was comical. I never spawned one of those Gobs, tried to and I heard they can range from a low lvl to 70ish.

Anyways, maybe if I ever do spawn one of those Gobs, I'll remember this blog and repeat the emote /laugh over and over while fighting and killing it.

12:46 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

hehehehee [giggle]

2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Now, I had always been aware that the adventurer population was comprised mostl of retards."

mostl? i guess that may explain why your "not retarded" bar is a little low eh?

LONG LIVE SMITHY!!!!

shingui, havent you ever watched Indiana Jones and the....name escapes me at the moment /cough. bah i aint gonna explain it, just ruins the comedy.

oh and Smithy, whenever you find time from thinning the noob herd head over to newgrounds.com and look for MK Mishaps.

oh and i have a question, have you ever had a Blue Mage throw your own bomb back at you? I do it to Pathfinder all the time, except he forgets to light it before throwing it on my foot. broke my toe once, though i forget the pain when i give him a present [read: shove a now lit bomb into his bee and put it on his head as hat] [giggle]

3:25 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...

Temple of Doom had the boulder in it. :)

and that was quite the experience, Smithy.. if I didn't know any better, this gobby must be Pathfinder's brother or somethin.. >.>

4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smithy, I had a question for you. How do you feel when your sense of accomplishment of stabbing a lvl 25-30ish person to death is replaced when they change jobs in Kazham and come hunt you back down just to show their pt that they can? Just curious... Do you ever run at them, thinking it's the same noob, not noticing the job change, or do you panic a lil inside, knowing what's to come?

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, now I know that youse a badun.
Lies, damn lies, and statistics!!! Everyone KNOWS that numbers are just BULLS***!

1:39 AM  
Blogger Reeree said...

Stabbing adventurers ALWAYS feels good.

ALWAYS.

5:47 AM  
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9:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info »

2:01 PM  

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