Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Dynamis - Attempt 5



Okay, I don't give a good damn if I die anymore.


I mean, why do they even call this Dynamis?

They should just change the name to DySmithy.

You can burn me. You can electrocute me.

I'm going to get you one of these days.

Apparently, though, that day was not today.


I woke up with a new purpose. It was as if everything in the universe suddenly made a beautiful, terrible sense to me.

It was time.

Tearing my way though Yhoator Jungle, I grabbed Shaman and dragged him to get ready.

We were going to win.

The stark certainty of it was amazing. I could actually see it laid out before me.

Just closing my eyes, I could see a Paladin folding as my blade struck the final blow to his face. His face went slack as his name went gray.

Behind me Shaman was burning a Mithra to the ground.

It was beautiful. And I knew it would happen.

As we logged into Dynamis, I could actually smell the electricity in the air.

Literally. An alliance had just Thundaga III'ed a handful of orcs not far away.

The air was ripe with charred stupidity.

VanguardShaman>> Oh damn, man.
VanguardShaman>> What are we doing here?
VanguardSmithy>> We're getting revenge.
VanguardShaman>> I fear we may be getting dead.
VanguardSmithy>> When did you turn into a little bitch?
VanguardSmithy>> You can leave if you want to, Sally.
VanguardShaman>> Cool.
VanguardShaman>> Later.
VanguardSmithy>> Where the hell do you think you're going?
VanguardShaman>> Home.
VanguardShaman>> You said I could...
VanguardSmithy>> I lied.
VanguardSmithy>> Now, shut the hell up.

We didn't run.

Everytime we have ever run, we died.

We didn't hide.

Everytime we have ever hid, we died.

Instead, Shaman and I walked quietly across the area and gathered a small army.

Vanguard Hitmen, Necromancers, Armorors, and Dragontamers.

We were legion.

VanguardShaman>> Sigh.
VanguardShaman>> What do we do now?
VanguardHitman>> He's right.
VanguardHitman>> Those Mages will light us up.
VanguardArmoror>> NO MORE FIRAGA III!
VanguardArmoror>> FIRAGA III BAD!
VanguardSmithy>> What the hell is with him?
VanguardHitman>> He's in shock.
VanguardDragontamer>> He got Firaga'ed.
VanguardDragontamer>> By a Galka.
VanguardDragontamer>> In a subligar.
VanguardArmoror>> SUBLIGAR NOOOOOO!!!
VanguardShaman>> That's just sick.
VanguardSmithy>> Poor bastard.
VanguardSmithy>> Let's use him as a shield.
VanguardHitman>> Uhhh... no.
VanguardSmithy>> Okay, okay.
VanguardSmithy>> You freakin' women.

I had a look around for something, anything that could help us.

And there they were.

Goblin Statues.

VanguardSmithy>> Wait here.
VanguardSmithy>> I've got a plan.

They didn't see it coming.

Three cute little Goblin Statues waddle slowly into the middle of their alliance. Three sweet, safe little Goblin Statues...

Who suddenly summon six Goblins each to help them.

VanguardSmithy>> KILL THEM ALL!!!

We tore through their ranks like a hot sword through torso.

All of their careful planning undone.

And then it happened. It was my dream.

I struck their Paladin in the face and watched his limp body fall to the ground.

Shaman was behind me casting Fire IV on a Mithra.

It was true.

We had won.

BlackMage1 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage2 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage3 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.

BlackMage4 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.

BlackMage5 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage6 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage7 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage8 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.
BlackMage9 starts casting Firaga III on VanguardSmithy.

VanguardSmithy>> Oh
VanguardSmithy>> Day
VanguardSmithy>> Yam

It seems dreams are not everything they are cracked up to be.

I had a dream shortly after that, too.

Shortly being about 7.25 seconds later.

I dreamt my skin had actually been turned into liquid fire and I was actually being cooked inside my own body.

Hey... wait a second...


I'm going to get you bastards. I really am.

I'll be the charred ruin of a Goblin that's pointing and laughing.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great, I can't wait for 'dysmithy VI'!

11:05 PM  
Blogger lithpiperpilot said...

lol, keep up the good work!

11:16 PM  
Anonymous Beldin said...

Word to the wise:
Take out the mages first. An alliance is only as good as its mages.

12:00 AM  
Blogger Myloko said...

You came so close /comfort 6 is a charm?

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

black mages are such cheaters!

12:39 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

Even when I still played I was praying for the nerf of BLM. Honestly.

And that manaburn shit...that just HAS to die.

God, I hate the overpowering of BLM.

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And you left the mages for last... Why?

1:27 AM  
Anonymous VanguardArmoror said...

no more subligars..... for the love of Promathia no more! I told you Friaga III was bad but noo you didn't listen to me! Well atleast that anothing pathfinder didn't follow you or that damn bee.

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'sok smithy.. you'll get it, eventually.

6:23 AM  
Blogger Aylee said...

Well, I'm a BLM 60. And I have to tell you, there is nothing like turning a gobbie into a crispy critter.

You guys taste good with tarter sauce.

I don't want to hear your whining. Think you got it bad? Think about this.

There I was, with my brand spanking new BLU, running around La Theine, when I hear the most horrible sound.


I mean, what the hell is that? Some sort of rear release of air? A mating call? Some sort of discomfort noise because your armor is too tight?

A simple, 'Hey, you look like you might be worth stabbing!' might be nice. Or here's a thought.

Sneak up on me. Wow. What a concept.

Anyhow, just trying my human best to level this piece of trash job, and you gobbies always got to interfere.

There is nothing like a long, tiring day of waiting for that sapling to use it's special move, or that bird to Helldive you.. and when you finally get a rhythm going, you idiot goblins show up and ruin all the fun.

I died in that encounter. My homepoint was in Whitegate. What a long, annoying trip back.

I'm sure you remember that day. That was the day when there were no gobbies in any zone even remotely *close* to Teleport-Mea, Teleport-Dem or Teleport-Holla for several hours.

Yeah, that was me. I was having a gobbie barbeque.

As I said, you guys taste rather nice with tarter sauce.

7:08 AM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

The air was ripe with charred stupidity.

I do believe that's the best line ever. :D

On a somewhat unrelated note, because of you I'm now leveling blm. o.0

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Eleri said...

Funniest entry I've read yet.... ^^

Seriously though dude, find the main BLM. Usually seems to be the Taru wearing the BLACK pointy hat, not the TAN pointy hat. Stab him in the face. Take his hat if you really want to hurt his feelings. Then find his backup.

They're useless without their teeny little leaders. >:-)

11:10 AM  
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9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! » »

7:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info »

9:33 PM  

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