The Perfect Day
Given all the bad things that have happened to me lately, I was bound to have a good day.
Law of averages and all that.
I mean, if it's raining shit on your head, you have to figure that they'll run out of shit eventually.
But I must admit that even though I knew a good day was coming, I couldn't have expected a day this good.
Perhaps it was all the third degree burns, horrible concussions, or disfiguring scars, but I really found it hard to be optimistic.
That all changed today. This glorious, glorious day.
I woke up feeling bad.
That's not surprising.
The damned birds were singing outside my window. To be honest, I do feel kind of bad about throwing that Gob bomb, but at least it was quiet after that.
I started my day in Rolanberry Fields. I figured a nice, leisurely stroll through the fields might make for a good morning.
Then I heard a sound. A terrible, horrible, frightening sound.
No, no. Not a low rumbling.
GoblinPathfinder>> Heya, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> Hi, Pathfinder.
GoblinPathfinder>> How are things?
GoblinSmithy>> They were a lot better a few minutes ago.
GoblinPathfinder>> I know what you mean.
GoblinSmithy>> I doubt it.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm having a really bad morning.
GoblinSmithy>> Some good news.
GoblinPathfinder>> Lamia did this thing last night...
GoblinSmithy>> You need to shut up right now.
GoblinPathfinder>> With her tail...
GoblinSmithy>> Shut up.
GoblinPathfinder>> Long story short, I nearly broke a hip.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh... right...
GoblinSmithy>> Could you do me a favor?
GoblinPathfinder>> Sure thing, buddy.
GoblinSmithy>> Die in a fire!
GoblinPathfinder>> Man, you're funny.
I was just about to smack him upside his head (read: stab him a new nostril) when a Samurai ran by.
Nice. An adventurer to take my anger out on.
Things were looking up.
GoblinSmithy>> HEY! TOM CRUISE!
GoblinSmithy>> EAT SWORD!
Samurai>> OH CRAP!
I love how eloquent you adventurers are.
Anyway, the damned SAM runs for his life. I, of course, take off after him and, because Altana hates me, Pathfinder decided to follow.
I may have to raise the SAM and kill him twice to handle this much rage.
We chase him toward the zoneline, getting a few hits in, and he dies just in sight of safety. He was literally steps away.
GoblinPathfinder>> Maybe we can find a Paladin to chain.
GoblinSmithy>> He went down faster than your mom.
GoblinPathfinder>> Yeah, he totally went down faster...
I was just starting to laugh when I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
I saw somethingS.
A quick turn of my head, and I was greeted by a sight that drove ice through my spine.
A horde of adventurers waiting at the zoneline.
It was a massive army of every race, just waiting to pummel us into toothpaste.
Ain't life grand?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh shit.
GoblinSmithy>> Listen... this is not what it looks like.
But then I noticed something.
They weren't moving.
None of them.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is this?
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, they sit here all the time.
GoblinPathfinder>> They're trying to sell expensive items.
GoblinPathfinder>> The adventurers call them asses or something.
An entire group of adventurers sitting around trying to sell items.
GoblinSmithy>> You do know what this means, right?
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm not sure.
GoblinSmithy>> It's SMITHY TIME!
We tore through their masses with a quick flurry of swords.
Galkas fell like fat, ugly, smelly trees.
Tarus fell like... well... like a foot and a half.
I was, however, honorable enough to not loot the corpses.
On an unrelated note, do you like my new Hauberk?
Things were going fabulously, when I saw a taru ninja come out of Jeuno and walk smack dab into the middle of our swordgy.
And he got mad.
Very, very mad.
Ninja>> What do you think you're doing?
GoblinSmithy>> It's a red torso sale.
GoblinSmithy>> All faces half off.
Ninja>> I can't let you do this.
GoblinSmithy>> Hold on a second.
GoblinSmithy>> If one of these bodies has boots...
GoblinSmithy>> I can shake in them.
He pulled his katanas and came at me. He was fast, too.
I barely had time to see Pathfinder stumble between us and take a katana to the neck.
Pathfinder lost it. He went absolutely berserk.
I suppose me standing behind him and using Warcry didn't help.
Seeing as I hate a fair fight, I hopped in the battle. Pathfinder and I went to work on this Ninja.
Things were looking good, too. His health was dropping like a rock and given that he was a Taru, it didn't have far to drop.
We were just about to beat his ass down, when I saw the message.
Ninja readies Majin Gakure.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh lord.
GoblinSmithy>> And I just got these skin grafts.
GoblinPathfinder>> We almost had him.
GoblinSmithy>> Pathfinder, could you do me a favor?
So I grabbed him and used him as a meat shield.
The Ninja exploded and Pathfinder took the blast for me.
Nice guy, that Pathfinder. Totally willing to die for his friends.
He didn't know that, but he was.
When the smoke (and charred Taru bits) cleared, I was left with 1 hp, a new Hauberk, and Pathfinder's dead corpse.
Damn, it was a good day.