Goblin Smithy: Not a Whore

Can't you morons do your own dirty work?

I don't mind killing people.

Hell, I actually enjoy it most days.

But I kill people on my own schedule. I'm one of those self-employed type of murderers.

Every now and then, though, some retarded adventurer tries to enlist me to kill someone they don't like.

Do I look like a team player? Honestly?

Maybe it's just me, but if I saw a Goblin with a sword and armor covered in n00b blood, I really wouldn't want to team up with him.

Earlier today, I was hanging out in Yhoator Jungle getting my stab on.

Things were going reasonably well. I had already taken out a few parties and was taking a break when I heard shouting.

Now, I wasn't expecting shouting. Screaming, yes. We get screaming all the time. But not so much with the shouting.

And the funny thing was that it was two adventurers shouting.

At each other.

Paladin>> We were here first.
Paladin>> Move your party back.
Ninja>> Screw u, bitch.
Ninja>> Itz a free world.
Paladin>> Your mandies are putting our mages to sleep.
Ninja>> Then y dont u move?
Paladin>> We were here first.
Ninja>> WELL WE'RE HERE NOW!
Ninja>> So STFU!
Paladin>> We'll see who's here in a minute.

Wow, they're cool.

Do you know what makes you a big man? Pathetic posturing in a video game.

Remember, kids: all the cool people make pointless threats on the intarweb.

So, the Paladin runs off and pulls a Mandy.

Right into the middle of the other party.

The Ninja's party gets slept mid-battle and basically wipes. The only person to make it out alive was, you guessed it, the Ninja.

Can you see where this is going?

The Ninja, being the intelligent person he is decides the only way to reassert his e-peen is to MPK the Paladin's party.

And how does he decide to MPK them?

Ninja>> A goblin smitty.
Ninja>> Perfect.
GoblinSmithy>> Why, thank you.
Ninja>> (( Provoke )) ---> GoblinSmithy
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell do you think you're doing?
Ninja>> I need you to kill this party.
GoblinSmithy>> Hold on. I need to check my day planner.
GoblinSmithy>> ... Nope. Today's no good.
GoblinSmithy>> How's the third of kiss my ass?
Ninja>> STFU and come on
GoblinSmithy>> So the third's no good then?

So the retard starts dragging me toward the zoneline expecting me to aggro their party on the way back.

Apparently, he doesn't keep up with patch notes.

I don't hang around unless I feel like it.

I get my swings in and his HP starts to hurt, but he makes it to the zoneline.

And I warp back to my camp.

I'm still laughing at the moron when he comes running back.

Ninja>> WTF happened?!
Ninja>> U didnt kill them.
GoblinSmithy>> Aren't you observant?
GoblinSmithy>> Who's a smart adventurer?
Ninja>> Shut up.
GoblinSmithy>> Yes you are, yes you are.
GoblinSmithy>> Good boy.
Ninja>> Just shut the hell up and come on.
Ninja>> (( Provoke )) ---> GoblinSmithy
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinSmithy>> Must be a slow learner.

And so we run the same routine again.

Stab, stab, stab. Run, run, run.

Zone, respawn.

It'd be funny if it wasn't so damned pathetic.

But did the Ninja finally learn his lesson?

What do you think?

GoblinSmithy>> Look who's back!
GoblinSmithy>> It's Suzy, the wonder tard.
Ninja>> Y arent u killin them?
GoblinSmithy>> I've decided to become a pacifist.
GoblinSmithy>> I did say unkind things about them, though.
Ninja>> But I want u to hurt them.
GoblinSmithy>> The White Mage started to cry a little.
Ninja>> KILL THEM!
Ninja>> (( Provoke )) ---> GoblinSmithy
GoblinSmithy>> Why don't we ever do what I want to do?

Third verse, same as the first.

Except this time, while I was waiting for my new bestest pal to get back, Shaman showed up.

GoblinShaman>> Heya, Smithy.
GoblinShaman>> What's going on?
GoblinSmithy>> I got a new pet.
GoblinShaman>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> We're playing fetch right now.
GoblinSmithy>> He's gone to find more stupid.
GoblinShaman>> Sounds cute.

And that's when Narutard comes back.

Ninja>> OH COME ON!
Ninja>> WTF IS WRONG WIT U?
GoblinSmithy>> NO!
GoblinSmithy>> BAD ADVENTURER! BAD!
GoblinShaman>> He seems a little stunned.
GoblinSmithy>> I blame the schools.
Ninja>> (( Provoke )) ---> GoblinSmithy
GoblinSmithy>> I'm trying to teach him to stay.
GoblinShaman>> Oh, I can help you there.

GoblinShaman casts Bind on Ninja.

GoblinShaman>> And there you go.
Ninja>> DAMMIT!
GoblinSmithy>> I knew I liked you for some reason, Shaman.
GoblinShaman>> I do what I can.
GoblinSmithy>> He's a good boy.
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing wrong with him.
GoblinSmithy>> Well... nothing that wouldn't be cured with a bag and some rocks.

Ninja is no longer bound.
GoblinShaman casts Bind on Ninja.

Ninja>> %#^%^@!@#$%^&**@$!%
GoblinSmithy>> If you'll excuse me for just a second.
GoblinSmithy>> I need to gently correct his mistake.

GoblinSmithy uses Goblin Rush.
Ninja takes 578 points of damage.
Ninja was defeated by GoblinSmithy.

GoblinSmithy>> And what did we learn?

Seriously, guys. That shit is weak.

If you can't beat them, then go find something else to do. I hear Barbie Horse Adventures is a fun game.

Man up and do your own damned killing.

I've got better shit to do.

Damn, I hate slackers.