Saturday, June 17, 2006

Smithy Goes to Limbus... Again

I need a psychiatrist.

There has to be some reason why I continually endanger my own life.

I'm always signing up for some event where there is a very good chance that I will get either:

a) stabbed
b) burned
c) stabbed and burned
d) gangbanged by an alliance of NPCs

That's just not smart.

Now, some of you are probably thinking that I want to die because I hate everyone.

That's not true.

That's the reason I want everyone else to die.

I mean why would I want to hurt myself just because you're all retarded?

That wouldn't make very much sense.

There are two reasons I sign up for these high risk events:

1) I like money

Money is incredibly helpful if you like to buy things. I like to buy things, so I need money.

This isn't quantum physics or anything.

2) I'm apparently very stupid

I seem to be incapable of learning from my own mistakes.

I die again and again and again, but I don't actually learn to avoid these stupid events.

Maybe this helmet is too tight or something.

It's okay, though, because every now and then, it pays to be stupid.

Yesterday, I was working in the Maze of Shakrami. Things were going kind of slow and the adventurers seemed content with not being stabbed to death.

In other words, I was bored as hell.

GoblinSmithy>> Well... this is better than being burned alive.

Fate must have very good hearing because it was just that second that Shaman walked up to me.

Maybe Fate has a sense of humor, too.

GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinShaman>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> You're going to ask me to do something.
GoblinSmithy>> My answer is no.
GoblinShaman>> Oh come on.
GoblinSmithy>> I've been reviewing.
GoblinSmithy>> Everytime you ask me to do something...
GoblinSmithy>> I end up dead.
GoblinShaman>> You big bitch.
GoblinShaman>> It's not every time.
GoblinSmithy>> Is that your argument?
GoblinSmithy>> Really?
GoblinShaman>> Just hear me out.
GoblinSmithy>> Why don't you hear me out?
GoblinSmithy>> My answer begins with a K...
GoblinSmithy>> And rhymes with "Kiss my ass."
GoblinShaman>> Yeah.
GoblinShaman>> That's real funny.
GoblinSmithy>> Listen, Shaman.
GoblinSmithy>> If I go with you, I'll get burned alive.
GoblinSmithy>> I've got a lighter at home.
GoblinShaman>> Well... I could just light you up now.
GoblinSmithy>> Go ahead.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm getting lit on fire either way.
GoblinSmithy>> At least this saves me a walk.
GoblinShaman>> Trust me.
GoblinShaman>> This is a good deal.
GoblinSmithy>> 2 for 1 skin grafts?
GoblinShaman>> Remember Limbus?
GoblinSmithy>> Go to hell.
GoblinShaman>> I heard a Ninja is going to try and solo it.
GoblinSmithy>> Good for him.
GoblinSmithy>> I hope he stabs you in the neck.
GoblinShaman>> He'll never make it to the seventh floor.
GoblinSmithy>> Neither will I.

We went on like that for a long time. Finally, Shaman said the one thing that I couldn't resist.

GoblinShaman>> There's money involved.

So we were on our way to Limbus.

We walk all the way there and then trudge up seven flights of stairs.

Side note: who the hell designs these damned building? Seven floors with no elevator?

You're retarded.

Moving on.

We waited on the seventh floor for about an hour and it looked like Shaman was right.

No ninja.

I like free money.

Unfortunately, nothing good can happen to me and right then, the Ninja appears.


But I'm not even giving that boy a chance. I rush him hard and fast, and start smacking away at him.

I'm dodging and weaving, and I am giving him my best hits.

If it weren't for his shadows, he'd be dead.

As it is, he looked like he was getting kind of sleepy.

Damned Ninjas.

GoblinSmithy>> Start Firagaing him!
GoblinShaman>> What?
GoblinShaman>> Why?
GoblinSmithy>> Cause I need those shadows down.
GoblinSmithy>> And you may actually be good for something.
GoblinShaman>> That's the nicest thing you've ever said.
GoblinSmithy>> That's nice.
GoblinSmithy>> We'll save the hug for later, k?

Shaman went to work with the aga spells and it actually started to work. His shadows were dropping like Pathfinder's mom.

Oh yeah, baby.

Then something completely unexpected happened...

I won.

Yeah. I was shocked, too.

That Ninja bitch just went limp and flopped to the floor. I was so surprised that I stabbed him another 7 times.

Numbers 8 through 12 were just for fun.

Thing actually looked good. We had survived and everything looked nice and clear.

BlackMage1>> I told you he couldn't solo it.
BlackMage1>> Good thing he brought us, huh?




BlackMage1 starts casting Firaga III.
BlackMage2 starts casting Firaga III.
BlackMage3 starts casting Thundaga III.
BlackMage4 starts casting Blizzaga III.
BlackMage5 starts casting Thundaga III.
BlackMage6 starts casting Firaga III.

GoblinSmithy>> Remember that hug, Shaman?
GoblinShaman>> Yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Change it to a murdering, k?

Note to self: STOP DOING LIMBUS!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ya know Smitty, alright if i call you smitty?, maybe we should take you up on the whole "hold your head underwater til you stop kicking" thing to get you on the path to not doing these events that lead to your inevitable death and demise

12:53 AM  
Blogger Stocky said...

-aga spells for teh win.

6:39 AM  
Blogger Hutea said...

We went on like that for a long time. Finally, Shaman said the one thing that I couldn't resist.

GoblinShaman>> There's money involved.

So we were on our way to Limbus.


As always, your pain equates to my amusement, Smithy XD

2:07 PM  
Blogger Myloko said...

At least you killed one idiot :D

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Very good. It makes me look forward to when I get to do limbus, whatever it is (^_^).

2:31 PM  
Blogger Tigerlily said...

I had a feeling the reason for the missing blogs the past few days were due to Smithy suffering with 3rd degree (burn)s.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

"His shadows were dropping like Pathfinder's mom.

Oh yeah, baby."

LMFAO Smithy you dirty sod! You've been banging pathfinders mum! Oh dear he was bad enough drunk and pissed about his dead bee! imagaine the hail if stupidity and death that he will TRY and bring when he finds out about his slutty ho momma!

Everygirl wants a piece of tha smithy!

5:25 AM  

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