Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dear Altana, There's Two of Them

For a long time, I thought that Pathfinder had to be unique.

He had to be.

I could not perceive of a god that would create two creatures that monumentally stupid.

But alas, I was wrong.

This morning, I was on duty in Yhoator, when Pathfinder came running up to me.

Instantly, I turned and ran the other way, but he managed to catch up with me.

Damn.

GoblinSmithy>> Oh. Hey, Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> I didn't see you.
GoblinPathfinder>> But I waved.
GoblinSmithy>> What can I say?
GoblinSmithy>> Must have missed it.
GoblinPathfinder>> You waved back.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> I don't get your point.
GoblinPathfinder>> I need your help.
GoblinSmithy>> There's a path right there.
GoblinSmithy>> Nice talking with you. Later.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh! A pat... NO!
GoblinPathfinder>> This is serious.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh. What happened now?
GoblinSmithy>> Did you fall on your bee?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yes, actually.
GoblinPathfinder>> How did you know?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I really hate you, you know that?
GoblinPathfinder>> We need to do something.
GoblinPathfinder>> He looks hurt.
GoblinSmithy>> Well... I do have a sword.
GoblinPathfinder>> SMITTY!
GoblinSmithy>> Just tossing around ideas.
GoblinSmithy>> An axe maybe?
GoblinPathfinder>> STOP THAT!
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe we should find Shaman.
GoblinPathfinder>> Do you think he can heal my bee?
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> But he does know Fire III.
GoblinPathfinder>> Over my dead body.

GoblinSmithy>> That can be arranged.
GoblinPathfinder>> Please, Smitty?
GoblinPathfinder>> Pretty please?
GoblinSmithy>> Fine.
GoblinSmithy>> Just stop talking.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh Thank You, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> Remind me to hurt you later.

So we set off to find someone who could save Pathfinder's bee.

Or the nearest chasm I could throw them both into.

C'MON CHASM!

As we were walking, we ran into a Tonberry. He was kind enough to inform us that there was a veterinarian in Pso'Xja.

At least, that's what I think he said.

How the hell do you pronouce Pso'Xja anyway?

With this new piece of information (and no chasms in sight), we headed over to Beaucedine Glacier to find Pso'Xja.

Why would a veterinarian set up a practice in Pso'Xja anyway?

Seriously. Anyone with a grain of sense would want a more centralized location to maximize business.

But no. Setting up near Jeuno would have made too much damned sense. I'm stuck walking halfway around the world because we can't find a teleport and the good doctor is too stupid to study basic business practices.

Man, I hate people.

We finally make it all the way to Beaucedine and make our way over to the Stone Tower that leads to the level 60 cap section of Pso'Xja.

Right away, I was getting pissed off. I didn't sign up for a damned maze.

We wander around for a little while, asking random goblins for help, when suddenly we see her: Goblin Veterinarian.

At least... I think it was a her.

It's very hard to tell with all of that armor.

GoblinVeterinarian>> Hi there. Can I help you?
GoblinPathfinder>> You have to help my bee.
GoblinPathfinder>> He's hurt.
GoblinVeterinarian>> Oh dear.
GoblinVeterinarian>> That looks bad.
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing a sword wouldn't cure.
GoblinVeterinarian>> Excuse me?
GoblinSmithy>> I'm just saying.
GoblinSmithy>> It would be very efficient.
GoblinVeterinarian>> I don't believe in killing.
GoblinSmithy>> I do.
GoblinSmithy>> Almost exclusively.
GoblinPathfinder>> Please excuse my friend.
GoblinPathfinder>> He doesn't understand.
GoblinSmithy>> Understand what?
GoblinSmithy>> Your unhealthy fixation on a bee?
GoblinVeterinarian>> Why are you so negative?
GoblinSmithy>> Eh... It's a hobby.
GoblinVeterinarian>> You should get a pet of your own.
GoblinSmithy>> Sure. Why not?

*BEE STAB*

GoblinSmithy>> Got one.
GoblinSmithy>> Now what?
GoblinPathfinder>> MR. BEEINGTON!!!
GoblinPathfinder>> NUUUUUUUOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Look what you did.
GoblinSmithy>> You made him cry.
GoblinVeterinarian>> You killed his pet.
GoblinSmithy>> Let's not argue about who killed what.
GoblinSmithy>> Let's all just agree that you're both retarded.
GoblinVeterinarian>> You're going to pay for that.
GoblinSmithy>> I doubt it.

That's when she hit me in the face.

You know, for someone who doesn't believe in killing, she sure has come to terms with kicking someone's ass.

I pulled my sword and charged her. Things were kind of rough, but I was holding my own.

The fight was just getting interesting when the Veterinarian whistled.

GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that?
GoblinSmithy>> Are you trying to catch a cab or...

And that was when her bat smashed me in the back of the head.

Damn those things hit hard. I think one of my eyes popped out and actually looked back at the other eye.

With two on one (and Pathfinder still blubbering over in the corner), the fight didn't last long. She beat me so bad, I had to respawn twice.

The next time Pathfinder asks for help, I want one of you guys to hold me underwater until I stop kicking.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn those things hit hard. I think one of my eyes popped out and actually looked back at the other eye.

made me laugh

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Random lvl 1 Noob number 3642345 said...

Can I hold you underwater anyways?

2:29 PM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Maybe you should have taken her advice :o Wouldn't you want an ass kicking pet? ;)

2:40 PM  
Blogger Reeree said...

Goblin Smithy needs no pet, not bee nor bat.

Does he really strike you as the nurturing type? Of course, if you are the nurturing type, he will certainly strike you repeatedly.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

aawww, poor mr. beeington. i can't believe u killed him. poor pathfinder...he's so sweet.

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i saw this and couldn't help but think of goblin smitty.
http://www.adsoft.org/images/shuebyvigs.jpg

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinPathfinder>> MR. BEEINGTON!!!
GoblinPathfinder>> NUUUUUUUOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!

lol

9:48 PM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO smitty when will you learn, i mean its a simple equation:
Pathfinder + Smithy Compromise = Smithy's death and intense rage!

whereas

Pathfinder + Smithy Facestabs = Pathfinder death and Bee death with side serving of possible vehicular smithy injuries after.

I think the CHASM would have been the best option, as long as it was full of sharp pointy bits at the bottom :)

5:31 AM  
Blogger BuzZ said...

An awkward question, since I've never played an MMO in my life (I'm more FPS but still find Dave/Smithy's blogs funny):


How do you stab a bee? A face is big enough to aim for...but..a bee?

And Pathfinder sounds more like a girl. Either that or he's homo. Am I right?

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you stab a bee? A face is big enough to aim for...but..a bee?

In MMOs bees are bigger than your face =P

11:06 AM  
Blogger Dramanue of Fenrir said...

"How do you stab a bee? A face is big enough to aim for...but..a bee?"

You've apparantly never seen an FFXI bee/wasp. Take your standard bee... and then inflate it to the size a basketball. From tail to nose, measures about a foot to maybe a foot and a quarter. Yes, you can very easily stab something of this size.

Taru fighting some bee-type monsters.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Dramanue of Fenrir said...

>.> Why don't links work?

http://ffxi.allakhazam.com/db/bestiary.html?fmob=3608

11:31 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Yay for Goblin Veterinarian! :) And I think she was right: You should get a pet, Smithy! Pets are known to reduce blood pressure, which I'm sure is something you could benefit from...

11:35 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Almaxaquattl said...

I must agree; get your self a lovely little bat. It makes a lovely noise when you start crushing kneecaps with it :)

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinPathfinder>> Oh! A pat... NO!
GoblinPathfinder>> This is serious.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh. What happened now?
GoblinSmithy>> Did you fall on your bee?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yes, actually.
GoblinPathfinder>> How did you know?
GoblinSmithy>> ...

...

Never knew it was possible to silently laugh yourself to death.

I learnt the hard way.

Lucky I set my HP in Blogspot :D.

6:31 AM  

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