Happy Father's Day

I love my Dad. I really do.

But honestly, the guy is getting up there.

You've heard the phrase over the hill?

Yeah, he's not only over the hill, but over a few hills past that one.

So, you can only imagine how "fun" it is to spend the day with him.

Yay.

GoblinSmithy>> Hey, Dad.
GoblinFodder>> Hello, Son.
GoblinFodder>> How are things?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, you know. Same old, same old.
GoblinSmithy>> Attack an adventurer, get burned alive.
GoblinFodder>> Did you get burned by a Black Mage again?
GoblinSmithy>> Only one or twelve times.
GoblinFodder>> Tsk, tsk, tsk.
GoblinFodder>> Can't win a fight like that, you know.
GoblinSmithy>> It's a little harder than you think, Dad.
GoblinFodder>> Eh. You don't have it so rough.
GoblinFodder>> Why back in my day...
GoblinSmithy>> Here we go.
GoblinSmithy>> Somebody call the Wahmbulance.
GoblinFodder>> You ever been beaten down by an old man?
GoblinFodder>> Cause I can so make that happen.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinSmithy>> Go on with your story.
GoblinFodder>> Back in my day, you couldn't just chase people.
GoblinFodder>> You chose a square and stuck with it.
GoblinSmithy>> Dad, we haven't used squares in years.
GoblinFodder>> We had to use the squares, boy.
GoblinFodder>> How else would you line up an attack?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, I don't know...
GoblinSmithy>> With your freakin' eyes?!
GoblinFodder>> You young people.
GoblinFodder>> We didn't have no fancy attacks back then.
GoblinSmithy>> I wouldn't call my attacks fancy.
GoblinFodder>> We didn't have no gobby bombs...
GoblinFodder>> Or whatever the hell they're called.
GoblinSmithy>> It's Bomb Toss, Dad.
GoblinSmithy>> We toss a bomb.
GoblinSmithy>> This isn't rocket surgery.
GoblinFodder>> A BOMB!
GoblinFodder>> We didn't need no bombs.
GoblinFodder>> We used our fists.
GoblinSmithy>> They had knives back then, too.
GoblinSmithy>> Why didn't you use those?
GoblinFodder>> ...
GoblinFodder>> Shut up. That's why.
GoblinSmithy>> I'd really be scared right now...
GoblinSmithy>> Except you don't have a knife.
GoblinFodder>> We didn't need knives.
GoblinFodder>> Our fists were weapons enough.
GoblinSmithy>> Know what else makes a good weapon?
GoblinSmithy>> A knife.
GoblinFodder>> I guess I never shook you enough as a child.
GoblinSmithy>> What?!
GoblinFodder>> I never said anything.
GoblinSmithy>> Yes, you did.
GoblinFodder>> Who are you again?
GoblinSmithy>> Knock that off.
GoblinSmithy>> You're not senile.
GoblinFodder>> You can't prove that.
GoblinSmithy>> Remember my wife?
GoblinFodder>> Don't even talk about her.
GoblinFodder>> I think I just threw up in my mask.
GoblinSmithy>> That's a common reaction.
GoblinFodder>> I'd guess it was.
GoblinFodder>> That bitch looks like refried ass.
GoblinSmithy>> Wow.
GoblinSmithy>> That's nice, Dad.
GoblinFodder>> You married her.
GoblinFodder>> I told you not to.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> Actually you said "Who let that in here?"
GoblinFodder>> I was nice to her.
GoblinSmithy>> You screamed "King Behemoth!!!"
GoblinSmithy>> And then you ran for a zoneline.
GoblinFodder>> I don't remember that.
GoblinSmithy>> You kept yelling "Ugly train to zone!!!"
GoblinFodder>> I had to warn people.
GoblinFodder>> It's only right.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.
GoblinSmithy>> Listen, Dad. I've got to go.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm supposed to be on fire right now.
GoblinFodder>> Can't even take on a Black Mage.
GoblinFodder>> That's so sad.
GoblinSmithy>> I can still take you, old man.
GoblinFodder>> Care to try, sonny boy?
GoblinSmithy>> I'd like to, Dad.
GoblinSmithy>> But where would we find a set of squares?

We stepped outside and I have to admit, the old man is pretty fast.

He hobbled up behind me and started punching me.

Yes. He was punching a goblin in armor.

With his fists.

Maybe this explains the slow learning.

GoblinSmithy>> You almost done?
GoblinFodder>> You almost dead?
GoblinSmithy>> Not quite.
GoblinSmithy>> Just don't want you to break a hip.

I took it easy on him. I mean, he's my old man.

It's funnier to stretch the beating out.

But then he went too far.

GoblinFodder uses Eye Gouge.

GoblinSmithy>> WHAT THE HELL?!
GoblinSmithy>> MY FREAKIN' EYE!
GoblinFodder>> Who's old now, bitch?
GoblinSmithy>> I know someone who's not getting older.

GoblinSmithy readies Bomb Toss.

GoblinFodder>> You'd bomb your own father?
GoblinSmithy>> YOU GOUGED MY EYE OUT!!!
GoblinFodder>> I fail to see your point.

GoblinSmithy uses Bomb Toss.
GoblinFodder was defeated by GoblinSmithy.

GoblinSmithy>> Oh... I almost forgot.
GoblinSmithy>> Happy Father's Day.