A Pathfinder's Life - Vol. 1

Sigh.

What the hell did I ever do to you?

I mean besides the horrible face stabbings.

I make a simple request that no one vote for Pathfinder and then practically everyone votes for him.

You all SUCK!!!

Unfortunately, I am a man of my word and will spend this week regaling you with stories of my most hated of adversaries, Pathfinder.

A pox on all your houses.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Some of you may wonder how I first met Pathfinder.

Even if you didn't, it's the story you're going to hear.

It was my first day working in Yhoator Jungle. It was very early in my Smithy/face-stabbing career and I was still a young go-getter.

Yes, I started out like that. It took several years of daily beatings and burnings to mold me into the well balanced goblin you see before you.

So, I had just started my duty shift in Yhoator and wasn't quite sure where to go. The paths curved off in all directions.

I couldn't even find someone to stab.

That's when I hear someone behind me.

GoblinPathfinder>> That path right there.
GoblinPathfinder>> That's the one.
GoblinSmithy>> How do you know that?
GoblinPathfinder>> Read the name.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's kind of my job.
GoblinSmithy>> Gotcha.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you okay?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yeah.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's kind of lonely here.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe you should find a pet or something.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!
GoblinSmithy>> I try.
GoblinPathfinder>> But where would I find a pet?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... you could catch one of those ugly, little things.
GoblinPathfinder>> A Taru?
GoblinPathfinder>> No thanks.
GoblinSmithy>> I did see a bunch of bees just over there.
GoblinSmithy>> I was just wandering around.
GoblinPathfinder>> A bee... That sounds good.
GoblinSmithy>> Yay! Problem solved!
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you, Mr...
GoblinSmithy>> Smithy. My name is Smithy.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> It's Smithy. With a TH.
GoblinPathfinder>> You're a Thief?
GoblinSmithy>> ... No.
GoblinSmithy>> The word. It ends with TH.
GoblinPathfinder>> No, it doesn't.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thief end with EF.
GoblinSmithy>> ... You're an idiot.
GoblinPathfinder>> Idiot like a fox.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to go now.

I walk away and try to figure out exactly where that conversation went retarded.

A few minutes later, though, I hear Pathfinder screaming.

Being a noble, young goblin (damn, I hate myself), I quickly ran to help him.

Sure he was dumb, but he couldn't be that bad, right?

I hurry around a corner and there's Pathfinder. He's being smacked down by 6 adventurers.

And why you may ask.

He's protecting a bee.

GoblinPathfinder>> LEAVE MY PET ALONE!
GoblinSmithy>> Man, just let them have the bee.
GoblinSmithy>> There's another one right there.
GoblinPathfinder>> No. I'm saving my friend.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.

I was about to turn and walk away, when I saw an adventurer hit the bee and watched it fall out of the air.

GoblinPathfinder>> NUUUUUUOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

Pathfinder just lost it. He rushed them with everything he had.

I really wish I hadn't, but I jumped in to help him.

If I had that minute back.

I started going after their main support, a White Mage and a Red Mage, when I look over and notice that Pathfinder was safe.

They had left him alone.

To concentrate on me.

Yay.

The six of them tore me to shreds. That shit was crazy. I think the White Mages used Hundred Fists.

And do you know what capped off the whole event?

The damned bee, didn't even die.

GoblinPathfinder>> Look, Smitty!
GoblinPathfinder>> He's waking up.
GoblinSmithy>> Yay.
GoblinSmithy>> Could you come help me find my spleen?
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, I think he hurt his wing.
GoblinSmithy>> That's so sad.
GoblinSmithy>> I'd shed a tear if my eyes weren't swollen shut.
GoblinPathfinder>> I think I'll name him Mr. Beeington.
GoblinSmithy>> I prefer Imwithstupid.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you so much, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm seaking from the bottom of my heart when I say
GoblinSmithy>> DIE IN A FIRE!
GoblinPathfinder>> You're a good friend.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I hate you.

And from that day on, I was friends with tormented by this fourth grade drop out and his ugly, mutant bee.

And the only thing I ever got out of it was a nice hat.