Sunday, June 25, 2006

A Pathfinder's Life - Vol. 1

Sigh.

What the hell did I ever do to you?

I mean besides the horrible face stabbings.

I make a simple request that no one vote for Pathfinder and then practically everyone votes for him.

You all SUCK!!!

Unfortunately, I am a man of my word and will spend this week regaling you with stories of my most hated of adversaries, Pathfinder.

A pox on all your houses.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Some of you may wonder how I first met Pathfinder.

Even if you didn't, it's the story you're going to hear.

It was my first day working in Yhoator Jungle. It was very early in my Smithy/face-stabbing career and I was still a young go-getter.

Yes, I started out like that. It took several years of daily beatings and burnings to mold me into the well balanced goblin you see before you.

So, I had just started my duty shift in Yhoator and wasn't quite sure where to go. The paths curved off in all directions.

I couldn't even find someone to stab.

That's when I hear someone behind me.

GoblinPathfinder>> That path right there.
GoblinPathfinder>> That's the one.
GoblinSmithy>> How do you know that?
GoblinPathfinder>> Read the name.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's kind of my job.
GoblinSmithy>> Gotcha.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you okay?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yeah.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's kind of lonely here.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe you should find a pet or something.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> YOU'RE A GENIUS!!!
GoblinSmithy>> I try.
GoblinPathfinder>> But where would I find a pet?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... you could catch one of those ugly, little things.
GoblinPathfinder>> A Taru?
GoblinPathfinder>> No thanks.
GoblinSmithy>> I did see a bunch of bees just over there.
GoblinSmithy>> I was just wandering around.
GoblinPathfinder>> A bee... That sounds good.
GoblinSmithy>> Yay! Problem solved!
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you, Mr...
GoblinSmithy>> Smithy. My name is Smithy.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> It's Smithy. With a TH.
GoblinPathfinder>> You're a Thief?
GoblinSmithy>> ... No.
GoblinSmithy>> The word. It ends with TH.
GoblinPathfinder>> No, it doesn't.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thief end with EF.
GoblinSmithy>> ... You're an idiot.
GoblinPathfinder>> Idiot like a fox.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to go now.

I walk away and try to figure out exactly where that conversation went retarded.

A few minutes later, though, I hear Pathfinder screaming.

Being a noble, young goblin (damn, I hate myself), I quickly ran to help him.

Sure he was dumb, but he couldn't be that bad, right?

I hurry around a corner and there's Pathfinder. He's being smacked down by 6 adventurers.

And why you may ask.

He's protecting a bee.

GoblinPathfinder>> LEAVE MY PET ALONE!
GoblinSmithy>> Man, just let them have the bee.
GoblinSmithy>> There's another one right there.
GoblinPathfinder>> No. I'm saving my friend.
GoblinSmithy>> Sigh.

I was about to turn and walk away, when I saw an adventurer hit the bee and watched it fall out of the air.

GoblinPathfinder>> NUUUUUUOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

Pathfinder just lost it. He rushed them with everything he had.

I really wish I hadn't, but I jumped in to help him.

If I had that minute back.

I started going after their main support, a White Mage and a Red Mage, when I look over and notice that Pathfinder was safe.

They had left him alone.

To concentrate on me.

Yay.

The six of them tore me to shreds. That shit was crazy. I think the White Mages used Hundred Fists.

And do you know what capped off the whole event?

The damned bee, didn't even die.

GoblinPathfinder>> Look, Smitty!
GoblinPathfinder>> He's waking up.
GoblinSmithy>> Yay.
GoblinSmithy>> Could you come help me find my spleen?
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, I think he hurt his wing.
GoblinSmithy>> That's so sad.
GoblinSmithy>> I'd shed a tear if my eyes weren't swollen shut.
GoblinPathfinder>> I think I'll name him Mr. Beeington.
GoblinSmithy>> I prefer Imwithstupid.
GoblinPathfinder>> Thank you so much, Smitty.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm seaking from the bottom of my heart when I say
GoblinSmithy>> DIE IN A FIRE!
GoblinPathfinder>> You're a good friend.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I hate you.

And from that day on, I was friends with tormented by this fourth grade drop out and his ugly, mutant bee.

And the only thing I ever got out of it was a nice hat.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOOT first post

1:33 AM  
Blogger nano said...

Hooray! Mr Beeington is back! Thank you!! Well, back until the flashback clouds clear..

1:36 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

Your fault pathfinder has a bee...imagine how slightly less annoying your life wwould have been if you never sugested him having a pet.

1:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

then practically everyone votes for him.
correction. they asked for you to kill him

1:46 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

GoblinPathfinder>> LEAVE MY PET ALONE!
GoblinSmithy>> Man, just let them have the bee.
GoblinSmithy>> There's another one right there.
GoblinPathfinder>> No. I'm saving my friend.


Awww, if it wouldn't be unnatural, I'd say I was in love with him. *snuggles him instead!*

2:38 AM  
Anonymous Cykophrog said...

Where's the Vetrinarian? I distinctly remember asking about Pathfinder + the Vet...

3:51 AM  
Blogger Julia said...

I laughed upon reading "I think the White Mage used Hundred Fists."

Very nice. ;)

3:54 AM  
Anonymous Linsaransylph said...

Hey Smithy here's Some pictures of your 'best Friend' ;p to remind you of your early days running around the jungles.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

lol yea i have to say i loved "I think the White Mages used Hundred Fists." that was too funny!

12:41 PM  
Blogger zerombr said...

oh wow, are stuffed Gobs for sale somewhere? is there a link? I'd love to have one of those!

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Sexy Mithra said...

Don't hurt me i voted for your brother. And Linsaransylph i think i speka for smithy and everyone else since you love to torment him by saying you should join pathfinder in dieing in a fire

9:02 PM  
Blogger rancidooze said...

[I walk away and try to figure out exactly where that conversation went retarded.]

LOL, I've been in conversations like that! Great start to a long friendship. :P

Zerombr- about the stuffed gob, you can try www.GKworld.com I know they used to sell them. I got my Gob there as well as a huge plush of Carbuncle. Although it was a while ago.

9:31 PM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

GoblinPathfinder>> But where would I find a pet?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... you could catch one of those ugly, little things.
GoblinPathfinder>> A Taru?
GoblinPathfinder>> No thanks.

LOL i can just imagine that being your pet back then, Smithy walking through the jungle dragging a bloody leaking taru corpse as a comforter during his formative years in the jungle ;)

5:47 AM  

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