Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Back To Business

Once I had recovered (and put on some pants), I realized I was late for work.

Actually... I was like five days late for work.

Also, I have a blurry memory of urinating on my boss's desk...

I may be more than late.

But, because I love my work, I headed off to Yuhtunga Jungle.

Somebody has to keep the little bastard adventurers in line. Might as well be me, right?

So, I'm doing my usual thing, stabbing eyes and removing spines, when Pathfinder walks up to me.

Apparently, he was not served for breakfast yesterday.

I'm not sure I was relieved to hear that.

Before I could really consider Pathfinder's entertainment value versus his possible nutritional value, he started to sob.

And by sob, I mean cry like a little girl with a skinned knee.

GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is wrong with you?
GoblinPathfinder>> My new pet is mean.
GoblinSmithy>> Aw... poor wittle Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> Iz oo new bee scawing oo?
GoblinPathfinder>> It's not a bee.
GoblinSmithy>> Why would I care?
GoblinSmithy>> I don't give a damn if it's a hamster.
GoblinPathfinder>> But he's so mean to me.
GoblinPathfinder>> I think he's trying to kill me.
GoblinSmithy>> Finally!
GoblinSmithy>> A pet I can work with.
GoblinPathfinder>> I miss Mr. Beeington.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh stop whining.
GoblinSmithy>> This reminds me of an old Chinese saying...
GoblinSmithy>> "Sometimes bees get stabbed to death."
GoblinPathfinder>> I don't think that's a saying.
GoblinSmithy>> It could be a saying.
GoblinSmithy>> It sure as hell fits our situation.
GoblinPathfinder>> C'mon, Smitty.
GoblinPathfinder>> I need some help.
GoblinSmithy>> Sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> I don't have a degree in special education.
GoblinPathfinder>> SMITTY!

At that point, Pathfinder's crying became less funny and more annoying.

Something that makes Pathfinder even more annoying...

Someone call Ripley's.

But, given my already low tolerance for annoyance, I had to do something.

Something violent.

GoblinSmithy>> Okay, okay.
GoblinSmithy>> Show me this pet.
GoblinPathfinder>> You're going to train him?
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> I am going to make him a little less alive.
GoblinPathfinder>> A little?
GoblinSmithy>> Did I say little?
GoblinSmithy>> I meant completely.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm not sure...
GoblinSmithy>> Look, I'm going to kill your pet anyway.
GoblinSmithy>> You might as well benefit from it this time.
GoblinPathfinder>> I guess.
GoblinSmithy>> Good.
GoblinSmithy>> Now where is the little pre-shishkabob?
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, he wouldn't follow me.
GoblinPathfinder>> I had to leave him in Jugner Forest.
GoblinSmithy>> Dammit.
GoblinSmithy>> Fine. We'll go over there and kill him.
GoblinPathfinder>> Yay!
GoblinSmithy>> Now, where's your car?
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... right. Flaming wreckage.
GoblinSmithy>> Sorry.

So we make our way to Jeuno and then across Batallia Downs and zone into Jugner Forest.

The whole trip, though, I'm trying to figure out what kind of pet Pathfinder could have found in Jugner.

A beetle?

A leech maybe?

Right as we zone in, Pathfinder runs off to find his pet while I start sharpening my "pet training equipment".

ie. my sword

GoblinPathfinder>> Here he is.
GoblinPathfinder>> Meet Mr. Purrington.

And here comes Pathfinder...

But that's not a Beetle with him.

It's not a leech either.

GoblinSmithy>> ... That's a tiger.
GoblinSmithy>> Perhaps you should have mentioned that.
GoblinPathfinder>> I told you that.
GoblinSmithy>> No. No, you didn't.
GoblinSmithy>> I'd remember you saying it was a tiger.
GoblinPathfinder>> I said it wasn't a bee.
GoblinSmithy>> There is a big difference between not a bee...
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh...
GoblinPathfinder>> Sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe we should just back away slowly.
GoblinPathfinder>> Okay. Be careful though.
GoblinPathfinder>> His friends are right behind you.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I hate you.

Do you know what it feels like to get gangraped by a pack of angry, hungry tigers?

Up until this morning, I didn't either.

It was not enjoyable, FYI.


Blogger Mute said...

That made my night man. Keep up the good work! LOL

2:54 AM  
Anonymous kavlar said...

This would have been a great time to use Pathfinder as a meatshield and sprint towards the zone.

4:16 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

Ow thats gotta hurt, torn and ripped all over i bet smithy :)

8:04 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

GoblinPathfinder>> Here he is.
GoblinPathfinder>> Meet Mr. Purrington.

Just when I thought Pathfinder couldn't become (beecome~) any cuter! Mr. Purrington! Heehee!

11:23 AM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

Poor Smithy!!!!!

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinSmithy>> Now, where's your car?
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... right. Flaming wreckage.

almost made me feel sorry for him, then I started laughin.

9:21 PM  
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