Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Playing With Fire


Do you know a great way to start your day?

Try putting rubbing alcohol on about 1400 scratches and bites in order to replace potential infection with immediate pain.

All the cool kids are doing it.

Well, after that fun, fun morning, I was in the mood to murder some people.

Murdering always puts me in a better mood.

Now, where would be the best place for me to find a bunch of idiots who are just asking to be killed?

I'm kidding.

That's what Yuhtunga Jungle is for.

See, there is a very important difference between Yuhtunga Jungle and Yhoator Jungle.

In Yhoator Jungle, parties are higher in level and can actually put up a pretty good fight. Some of the parties may even come after me by choice.

In Yuhtunga Jungle, the parties are lower in level and can barely fight their way out of a wet paper bag. In Yuhtunga, Smithy is synonomous with death.

While I'm often in the mood for a challenge, today is all about stress relief.

Stress relief and stabbing players to death.

So as soon as my shift starts, I head over to Yuhtunga Jungle.

Now, I could be a nice goblin and and set up camp in a far off tunnel.

Or I could hang out right at the zoneline where all the fresh meat n00bs come to party.

What do you think I decided to do?

The fun part of Yuhtunga Jungle is that there are only so many safe places to set up a camp. If all of these spots are taken, your group may have to find a "less safe" place to work.

And it just so happens one of these "less safe" places is right on top of one of my spawn points.

Seriously. You people make this too easy some days.

It was a busy day in the Jungle today and, of course, all of the good spots were taken.

One intrepid young group decided that leveling was worth the risk of camping near my hang out.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

They had to be educated.

I will give them credit, though. Those people were brave.

Not smart, but brave.

I mean, what kind of balls must it take to set up camp near someone who has made a career of killing people just like you?

Well... balls or mental deficiency.

Still, they were in my territory and I had to make sure they understood that.

GoblinSmithy>> Ahem.
GoblinSmithy>> Excuse me.
Player>> Uhh...
Player>> Hi...
GoblinSmithy>> Do you know where you are?
Player>> We're in Yuhtunga Jungle.
GoblinSmithy>> No, no, no.
GoblinSmithy>> You're in the United States of Smithy.
Player>> The what?
GoblinSmithy>> The United States of Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> Have you not heard of us?
Player>> I can't say that I have.
GoblinSmithy>> Well... that is a problem.
Player>> Why?
Player>> Why is that a problem?
GoblinSmithy>> You have illegally entered our nation.
GoblinSmithy>> We frown upon this.
Player>> Frown?
GoblinSmithy>> Did I say "frown upon"?
GoblinSmithy>> I meant "murder people for".
Player>> But we're all the way over here.
Player>> We're not even bothering you.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry, but the law is the law.
GoblinSmithy>> Our king has ruled you must be executed.
Player>> There must be something we can do.
GoblinSmithy>> I'd like to help you out.
GoblinSmithy>> I really would.
GoblinSmithy>> But the King's word is law.
Player>> Who's your king?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... that'd be me.
Player>> So can't you let us go?
GoblinSmithy>> Sadly, no.
GoblinSmithy>> I can, however, stab you to death.
Player>> That doesn't sound very nice.
GoblinSmithy>> I would think not.
Player>> Wait...
Player>> Why is he allowed to enter your country?
GoblinSmithy>> He?
GoblinSmithy>> He who?

HighLevelBlackMage starts casting Thunder IV.

GoblinSmithy>> Dammit.
GoblinSmithy>> Stab first and then talk.

HighLevelBlackMage casts Thunder IV on GoblinSmithy.
GoblinSmithy takes 3,724 points of damage.
GoblinSmithy was defeated by HighLevelBlackMage.

GoblinSmithy>> No one respects a king anymore.

The other fun thing about Yuhtunga Jungle is that a lot of high level players will run through on their way to Norg.

High level players who don't like me very much.

Yeah...

Maybe fun isn't the right word for that...

9 Comments:

Anonymous Raine said...

Ever think of going to bibilka bay and killing the high lvl n00bs?

12:23 AM  
Blogger Myloko said...

Poor Smithy... you almost had 'em though! ^^v

1:11 AM  
Anonymous Magaralene said...

you know, we rather enjoy that.

We remember your earlier exploits. We remember mandy hunting-- which is INSANELY boring.

I mean-- look at it for once from the ADVENTURER'S point of view. It's hit 25, get keys, and your first airship ride-- all very much tons of (fun) and (Excitement)...

And then we are introduced to the joy of the Mandragoras.

I never HATED you or your fellow workers, exactly, you gave me (in those days) a certain touch of excitement. A bit of relief from the grind, as it were.

It was after all, the ultimate grind... and the most boring.

Mandy. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy. OMGWTFBBQ GOBLIN SMITHY HEAD FOR ZONE! Zone. Wait. Mandy. Mandy. Mandy....

You -- then gave us a shot amount of excitement... in a LONG period of onion squashing and more earth crystals than you can throw a Galka at. (Being A Mithra myself, I can't throw a Galka very far, but DAMN, can I ever find a lot of earth crystals to throw one at.)

So, no, I have never hated you.

Now, RESENT you, yes. Dislike you, certainly. Seriously wish I could do to you what you did to me?

Oh, ALTANA'S SOUL, Yes.

And so, when I am on my way to Norg as a DRG 60, Why yes, from time to time, I see a Goblin Smithy, (Perchance even you) and say to myself, Well... Not "Oh, it's time for PAYBACK, you jerk", but...

"I'm going to need pocket change for the chocobo back... Hmm.. Smithy's carry a little gil. Take out three or four, pays for the bird."

Magaralene, DRG 60. And, well... QUITE unapologetic.

2:59 AM  
Blogger Aeriel said...

LMAO a day in the life of a smithy eh... totally unappriechiated.

The handy thing with the zoneline of yuhtunga is that it is so nice and close to a nomad moogle! See the problem is twofold.

Experienced players avoid you at lvl 24-26 unless their party is PL'd or set just right, no problem there, you are there to murder noobs, population control so to speak! Moron prevention society of the US of Smithy.

Problem is with HL people zoneing and comming back to kill you off with HL jobs is that it increases the current trend of HL retards that were PL'd up through the lvls and can't fight for shit!

No smithy is the answer, he is our check and balance, he is Lord God Noob Slayer :)

Let him work!
Kill a Pathfinder today!
For a noob free World!

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

I used to kill smithys on my way back from norg, now I just wave at them...while a pathfinder bee train follows me. XD

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could always go to the dunes.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I KNOW YOU!!!

your that goblin who I fought with as war/nin, you killed me, and I killed you same time...

Neoark use Berserk.
The Goblin Smithy uses Goblin Rush.
Neoark uses Raging axe.
The Goblin Smithy takes 75 Damage
Neoark takes 245 Damage
Neoark was defeated bu Gobline smithy
Goblin Smithy was defeated by Neoark.

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice site! »

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read here

8:07 AM  

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