Thursday, July 13, 2006

OH! SNAP, BITCHES!!!

There was a huge meeting today of all the Beastmen.

Well... Sozu Rogberry wasn't there.

It's kind of hard to get anywhere when you only live for about four and a half seconds.

The news was spreading like wild fire. It was on everyone's lips.

Or what passes for lips on some of those guys.

An orc had come up with the ultimate plan. An idea so profound that it could change the landscape of Vana'diel forever.

We were getting rid of the Adventurers.

All of you.

In one felled swoop.

That's right. We're sick of you stupid people coming to our places and kicking our asses.

Valkurm used to be a nice vacation spot, you know. Before you people moved in and ruined it.

Kind of hard to enjoy a picnic with your family when someone hits you with a ranged attack and starts yelling about "CHAIN 4!!!"

Idiots.

But finally things were going to change. It was going to be our world again.

Snap, Bitches!

Beastmen from the world over came to hear this orc genius speak. From every corner, they came in droves to witness history in the making.

We all piled into Monastic Cavern and anxiously awaited the news.

OrcishGenius>> Quiet down, everyone!
OrcishGenius>> Thank you all for coming.
OrcishGenius>> I stand before you at the cusp of a new day.
OrcishGenius>> The day of the BEASTMEN!

The crowd roared.

It's really not hard to get us going, honestly.

Yell "Free Beer" and we'll probably make you king.

OrcishGenius>> This day has been long in coming.
OrcishGenius>> I remember my first day as an orc.
OrcishGenius>> I logged into Ghelsba not knowing...
GoblinSmithy>> HEY!
GoblinSmithy>> Can we do this sometime this year?
GoblinSmithy>> I've got necks to stab, you know.
YagudoPrior>> Let him speak!
LamiaDancer>> YES!
LamiaDancer>> Let him speak!
OrcishGenius>> Please everyone!
OrcishGenius>> He has the right to be impatient.
GoblinSmithy>> Damn straight.
OrcishGenius>> He has suffered as we all have.
GoblinSmithy>> I have.
GoblinSmithy>> So much suffering.
GoblinSmithy>> The crimes against grammar alone...
OrcishGenius>> We feel for you, Smithy.
OrcishGenius>> We have all suffered too long.
GoblinSmithy>> TOO LONG!
GoblinSmithy>> Tell us your news!
OrcishGenius>> I will, Smithy.
OrcishGenius>> I have spent years pondering adventurers.
GoblinSmithy>> So have I.
GoblinSmithy>> Wait...
GoblinSmithy>> Pondering means "knife killing", right?
OrcishGenius>> ...
OrcishGenius>> Not so much.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh...
GoblinSmithy>> Go on then.
OrcishGenius>> After all of that study, I was rewarded.
OrcishGenius>> It finally came to me.
OrcishGenius>> The answer.
GoblinSmithy>> Will it be coming to us any time soon?
OrcishGenius>> Do you want to hear it?
Crowd>> Yes!
OrcishGenius>> Will you hear our answer?
Crowd>> YES!!!
OrcishGenius>> My friends, my compatriots, my brothers...
LamiaDancer>> HEY!
OrcishGenius>> ... And sisters...
OrcishGenius>> The plan has already been set into motion.

The crowd fell into stunned silence and then suddenly burst with excited whispers.

It's already happening.

GoblinSmithy>> What's the plan?
OrcishGenius>> My fellow orcs and I banded together...
OrcishGenius>> And started an online petition.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
Crowd>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> ... That had better be a joke.
OrcishGenius>> I'm not sure what you mean.
OrcishGenius>> We will destroy the adventurer scourge...
OrcishGenius>> With an online complaint!
GoblinSmithy>> Dear Altana, you're retarded.
OrcishGenius>> How could they ignore a petition?
OrcishGenius>> It's got signatures and stuff.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to stab you now.
GoblinSmithy>> I may or may not stop.

It got very ugly after that.

I went to work on him for a while. A long while.

When my stabbing arm got tired, a group of Gigas took over.

I don't think I'd define what they did to him as stabbing.

We're not big on constructive criticism.

Damned orcs.

21 Comments:

Blogger hakker said...

Well, at least you and the gigas are getting along, it seems... (phew, thank god the genius was a moron or I'd be scared...)

11:36 PM  
Blogger nano said...

Well come on, what made you think any Orc had a shred of intelligence? Just because he is called 'Orcish Genius' means nothing, it's like 'Tall Taru' or 'Short-necked Elvaan', you're still a midget or freakish cross-bred giraffe.

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Kavlar said...

I don't believe genius and orc belong in the same sentence..heck not even in the same paragraph.

Nice one!

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good stuff. I was guessing at what idiotic things the Orc would come up with, but you beat all of my ideas :)

12:44 AM  
Anonymous LamiaDancer said...

I knew it was too good to be ture. YOu can never count on Orcs for jack. I wasted 100 gil for nothing to come to the meeting. I'm sure its nothign a few killings will not get me back.

2:12 AM  
Blogger Artos said...

No, he was on to something. If that petition would have reached the doorstep of Congress, who knows what horrors could have come of it?

4:36 AM  
Blogger Solid Squid said...

It was an orc and he claimed to have a good idea. Should there really be eny more said?

8:53 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

I was going to say ' orc genius? That's the funniest thing I've ever read in this blog!', but by the end I saw that you already knew that. ;)

11:12 AM  
Blogger Wolfgangdoom said...

Then my stabbing arm got tired. Kick ass!

12:26 PM  
Blogger Bellemithra said...

LMAO!!!! I spit out my coffee when I read that!!!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Ruby Quadav said...

GoblinSmithy>> So much suffering.
GoblinSmithy>> The crimes against grammar alone...
OrcishGenius>> We feel for you, Smithy.


Amen...

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The real plan to rid Vanadiel of Adventurer's is being formulated by SE ;) It involves them eventually pissing off their player base to the point where they all quit.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Soul said...

orc and genius should never be used in the same sentance unless "is opposite of" is inbetween

6:08 PM  
Blogger Julia said...

I'm sure when the Orcish Genius was crated, it was meant witl all possible sarcasm. :)

6:18 PM  
Blogger Julia said...

^^ Damn it, typo >.<

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah the funny thing was this was based on a real event in FFXI some idiot thought spamming a bunch of GM calls titled rmt-bgone would stop all the gilsellers/buyers. I hope that [GM]Dave will have a story about this.

7:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free Beer ... now make me king

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou.
»

9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find some information here.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buy cialis online

http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000193.htm#cialis

3:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice site! »

2:31 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home