A New Low
What the hell is wrong with women?
If I insulted a woman, she'd be angry as hell, right?
Am I right?
So, when I was discussing Vana'diel's most wanted the other day, I didn't mention Lamia 19.
I think I'm being all kind and noble and junk.
Unfortunately, she disagreed.
Strongly disagreed.
See, I learned a while back not to mess with a Lamia.
Those bitches don't kid around.
Instead of starting some shit with her, I decided just to leave her out of the post.
She's a woman, so it's not like she counts anyway.
See? Right there.
Right there, every woman who read that just got a little bit pissed off.
I figured not mentioning her would be playing it safe.
Not so much.
She actually got more pissed off that she didn't get some credit.
What.
The.
Hell.
It makes my head hurt.
I've got a lot of enemies. I know that.
Not a surprise.
But when Lamia came after me today, I was totally blindsided.
See, most people become my enemy because I actually DID SOMETHING TO THEM.
I was on duty in Yhoator and things were running as they usually do.
Stab a White Mage. Chase a moron to the zoneline. Yada yada yada.
When, out of nowhere, I get hit with a giant staff.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that?!
GoblinSmithy>> I'll sue!
Lamia19>> You angry, ugly bastard.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, hey, Lamia 19.
GoblinSmithy>> For future reference, hello will suffice.
Lamia19>> No.
Lamia19>> I prefer the hitting.
GoblinSmithy>> See, that doesn't work for me.
Lamia19>> I really don't care.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe we can work out a compromise.
GoblinSmithy>> What about some mild groping?
Lamia19>> You need to die.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't a no.
Lamia19>> I'd rather grope a troll.
GoblinSmithy>> Ouch.
GoblinSmithy>> That was uncalled for.
Lamia19>> Shut the hell up, you ass.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe I'm imagining things...
GoblinSmithy>> But I'm sensing some hostility.
That's when she hit me with the staff again.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Definitely some hosility.
Lamia19>> YOU LEFT ME OUT!
GoblinSmithy>> Left you out of what?
Lamia19>> Your post.
Lamia19>> The post about the most wanted criminals.
Lamia19>> I was on that list, too.
GoblinSmithy>> Your parents must be so proud.
And she hit me again.
Getting kind of tired of that, I gotta say.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay, what the hell was that for?
Lamia19>> I don't have parents.
Lamia19>> I was created in a lab.
GoblinSmithy>> Ouch.
GoblinSmithy>> Wait...
GoblinSmithy>> When did they start making ugly in a lab?
Hit number four.
GoblinSmithy>> I deserved that one.
Lamia19>> Why didn't you mention me?
GoblinSmithy>> Of the three, I found you the least retarded.
GoblinSmithy>> I thought it was a compliment.
Lamia19>> I worked hard to get on that list.
Lamia19>> I've killed thousands.
GoblinSmithy>> Actually...
GoblinSmithy>> You're undead horde did most of the killing.
GoblinSmithy>> You're more like their public relations director.
Lamia19>> I command a legion of blood thirsty minions.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> But that's still not very impressive.
GoblinSmithy>> Do they do tricks?
Lamia19>> TRICKS?!
Lamia19>> They are an unholy strike force.
GoblinSmithy>> So that's a no?
Lamia19>> I DEMAND RECOGNITION!
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, you can definitely get recognition.
Lamia19>> It's about damned time.
Lamia19>> That's more like it.
GoblinSmithy>> Now, just take off your top...
Things got a little dark after that. Dark and blurry.
Wait... Check that...
Dark and blurry and hurty.
All I did was suggest the only way to get attention would be to get naked.
I don't get women.
If I insulted a woman, she'd be angry as hell, right?
Am I right?
So, when I was discussing Vana'diel's most wanted the other day, I didn't mention Lamia 19.
I think I'm being all kind and noble and junk.
Unfortunately, she disagreed.
Strongly disagreed.
See, I learned a while back not to mess with a Lamia.
Those bitches don't kid around.
Instead of starting some shit with her, I decided just to leave her out of the post.
She's a woman, so it's not like she counts anyway.
See? Right there.
Right there, every woman who read that just got a little bit pissed off.
I figured not mentioning her would be playing it safe.
Not so much.
She actually got more pissed off that she didn't get some credit.
What.
The.
Hell.
It makes my head hurt.
I've got a lot of enemies. I know that.
Not a surprise.
But when Lamia came after me today, I was totally blindsided.
See, most people become my enemy because I actually DID SOMETHING TO THEM.
I was on duty in Yhoator and things were running as they usually do.
Stab a White Mage. Chase a moron to the zoneline. Yada yada yada.
When, out of nowhere, I get hit with a giant staff.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell was that?!
GoblinSmithy>> I'll sue!
Lamia19>> You angry, ugly bastard.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, hey, Lamia 19.
GoblinSmithy>> For future reference, hello will suffice.
Lamia19>> No.
Lamia19>> I prefer the hitting.
GoblinSmithy>> See, that doesn't work for me.
Lamia19>> I really don't care.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe we can work out a compromise.
GoblinSmithy>> What about some mild groping?
Lamia19>> You need to die.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't a no.
Lamia19>> I'd rather grope a troll.
GoblinSmithy>> Ouch.
GoblinSmithy>> That was uncalled for.
Lamia19>> Shut the hell up, you ass.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe I'm imagining things...
GoblinSmithy>> But I'm sensing some hostility.
That's when she hit me with the staff again.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Definitely some hosility.
Lamia19>> YOU LEFT ME OUT!
GoblinSmithy>> Left you out of what?
Lamia19>> Your post.
Lamia19>> The post about the most wanted criminals.
Lamia19>> I was on that list, too.
GoblinSmithy>> Your parents must be so proud.
And she hit me again.
Getting kind of tired of that, I gotta say.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay, what the hell was that for?
Lamia19>> I don't have parents.
Lamia19>> I was created in a lab.
GoblinSmithy>> Ouch.
GoblinSmithy>> Wait...
GoblinSmithy>> When did they start making ugly in a lab?
Hit number four.
GoblinSmithy>> I deserved that one.
Lamia19>> Why didn't you mention me?
GoblinSmithy>> Of the three, I found you the least retarded.
GoblinSmithy>> I thought it was a compliment.
Lamia19>> I worked hard to get on that list.
Lamia19>> I've killed thousands.
GoblinSmithy>> Actually...
GoblinSmithy>> You're undead horde did most of the killing.
GoblinSmithy>> You're more like their public relations director.
Lamia19>> I command a legion of blood thirsty minions.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> But that's still not very impressive.
GoblinSmithy>> Do they do tricks?
Lamia19>> TRICKS?!
Lamia19>> They are an unholy strike force.
GoblinSmithy>> So that's a no?
Lamia19>> I DEMAND RECOGNITION!
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, you can definitely get recognition.
Lamia19>> It's about damned time.
Lamia19>> That's more like it.
GoblinSmithy>> Now, just take off your top...
Things got a little dark after that. Dark and blurry.
Wait... Check that...
Dark and blurry and hurty.
All I did was suggest the only way to get attention would be to get naked.
I don't get women.
posted by Goblin Smithy at 12:13 AM
10 Comments:
Told ya i'd get you back.
Buzz I hope things get dark blurry and hurty for you too
Well Buzz just made the top of my hitlist. 2nd to smithy of corse.
Women count more than men do. They are the brains of relationships after all. If it weren't for women subtly pushing things along we'd probably still be in the medieval ages. Not to mention women are the holders of the all important. Sex. If women aren't happy, Men won't be happy.
Women won't kill you for less reason. They will have a very good reason. You just won't understand it.
"If you don't know why I'm stabbing you, I'm not going to tell you."
Women do not hold the all important sex.
You aren't the only ho. When you don't put out, there's always some slut who will. You hold men back from nothing.
You're not even that good.
And even if we all got together to deprive the men from poontang, they'd just gay it up.
Then they'd have sex, you'd be even more worthless than your parents expected, and the world would fabulous hairstyles, and drapes that coordinated with the carpets.
Also, I fail to see why you being happy has anything to do with a man being able to have sex with you. Your emotions are really irrelevant to his reaching climax.
Take a look at Goblin Smithy's pointy subligar and his enormous sword and tell me that your sobs of "please don't" are going to be anything other than a turn-on.
Okay, you might be right. I think he did give up having sex with retards for lent one year and never picked it back up again.
Die in a fire. Women aren't the brains of anything with you as a member of that subset. You reduce things below primative neural networks.
And, here's another freebee - men don't get subtle.
They don't.
They're just not wired for it. If you try to "subtly push things", you fail. You'll end up giving yourself a headache, while you'll use as an excuse not to put out, and then he'll leave you for an 18-year-old who lost her teeth in a bicycle accident.
Angry: check - I'm a slave. You think that makes anyone happy?
Annoying: check - I'm a Tarutaru. Have you met one that wasn't?
Bitter: check - see "angry".
Die in a fire: check - Although, usually it's the rarabs that get me. Darn their kicking feet! Or the bees. I bet you're a bee sympathizer.
As for the mail order bride/husband - which catalog did you come from?
"You fail at life" is [GM]Dave's line. It's not funny when you say it.
When my revolution is complete, you can hold my pink potions. Feel free to drink as many as you like.
Reeree says Lamia 19 was so upset about Goblin Smithy leaving her out that she changed her name to Lamia 18.
I think 18 is much prettier because if you look at it sideways, it's like a bat with glasses on. I love bats! (they fight dragons!)
I don't see how she could do that with the big number that's supposed to be stamped on her, though. Wouldn't people just read her tatoo and call her by the old name?
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