Monday, July 17, 2006

What The Hell?!

Okay, this is just bullshit.

They just released a list of the Empire's most wanted criminals. The Beastmen that are worse than all others and are sought for their crimes.

I ask you, what about Smithy?

These morons couldn't hold a candle to me. I was ripping the spines out of n00bs long before those guys ever showed up.

I don't really give a damn if they're from the Near East.

Big freakin' deal.

I've been here since Day 1.

That's right. No expansions, no updates.

I'm old school.

Sure, these new guys are flashy. Unfortunately, it's all flash and no substance.

Take the Gar Brothers, for instance.

What the hell?

Those guys are about as threatening as a kitten wrapped in bubble wrap.

And stupid? I think the three of them share one brain.

That one gets left in their Moghouse most days.

And what about Zoraal Jar?

He's a soldier who's main weapon is a talking bird.


A talking bird.

Words fail me.

How is it Dr. Dolittle made the list of most wanted and I got left off?

Next thing you know, they'll be making Pathfinder the next Shadow Lord.

I actually ran into Zoraal Ja this morning on my way to work.

GoblinSmithy>> Heya, Zor.
GoblinSmithy>> What's up?
ZoraalJa>> Not much.
ZoraalJa>> Secret Mamool Ja stuff.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> That's nice.
GoblinSmithy>> You don't sound the slightest bit retarded.
ZoraalJa>> Thank you.
GoblinSmithy>> I have to ask...
GoblinSmithy>> What's with the bird?
ZoraalJa>> You'll address him by his proper name.
ZoraalJa>> Commander Bird.
ZoraalJa>> He's my second in command.
GoblinSmithy>> A bird.
ZoraalJa>> Yeah.
ZoraalJa>> He's an expert military strategist.
GoblinSmithy>> A bird.
GoblinSmithy>> You're taking advice from a bird?
ZoraalJa>> You say that like it's a bad thing.
GoblinSmithy>> Good.
GoblinSmithy>> I was worried it wasn't getting across.
ZoraalJa>> You're making Commander Bird very angry.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh no.
GoblinSmithy>> Whatever shall I do?
ZoraalJa>> What's that, Commander Bird?

I swaer to Altana, he actually leaned in and listened to the bird in the middle of the conversation.

Maybe the bird is on the Most Wanted list.

I mean, it could be true. Maybe the bird is a master strategist.

ZoraalJa>> No, you can't have a cracker.

So, no then.

GoblinSmithy>> Wow. This has been fun.
GoblinSmithy>> But I have to go.
ZoraalJa>> Really?
ZoraalJa>> Where are you going?
GoblinSmithy>> I have to go do something less stupid.
GoblinSmithy>> Maybe douse myself in lighter fluid...
GoblinSmithy>> And then go to Dynamis.
ZoraalJa>> What do you mean stupid?
ZoraalJa>> I don't understand.
GoblinSmithy>> That's kind of the point.
GoblinSmithy>> How are you on the Most Wanted list?
GoblinSmithy>> I just don't get it.
ZoraalJa>> We made the list due to our Superior intellect.
GoblinSmithy>> No, seriously.
GoblinSmithy>> How'd you do it?
ZoraalJa>> Are you saying I'm not smart?
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm implying you're not smart.
GoblinSmithy>> This is saying you're not smart.
GoblinSmithy>> You're retarded.
GoblinSmithy>> Do you see the difference?
ZoraalJa>> How dare you insult me?!
GoblinSmithy>> Well... I really didn't think you'd get it.
ZoraalJa>> You will regret saying that, Mr. Smithy.
ZoraalJa>> Commander Bird, tell me how to destroy him.

He leaned in close and the bird whispered gently in his ear.

ZoraalJa>> Hit him with an axe?!
ZoraalJa>> What kind of plan is that?!

So, the bird leans in again.

ZoraalJa>> Shut up about the damned cracker!

Honestly, I just got tired and walked away.

I'd have stabbed him, but that kind of stupid might be contagious.

Maybe being on that list isn't as big as I thought.

Remember: no one stabs like Smithy.

Accept no substitutes.


Blogger Meroduin said...

Obligatory "First Post" nonsense.

They just made all that stuff up in order to try and stop Bahamut from being completely, totally, undefeated in Besieged.

It won't work. Notorious Nobodies can't stop the Bahamut Besieged Juggernaut! WOOOOOO!

12:38 AM  
Anonymous crazy nigga with a gun~ said...

FuCk DeM bItChEs Up G!!!!
YoU kNoW hOw We Do!!!!

1:34 AM  
Blogger Aylee said...

Dear Crazy Nigga with a Gun,

I find that your attempt to be cool, mixed with 'Leet' type, racial slurs, obsenities and racial sterotyping produces a sour taste in my mouth.

Actually, it just makes you look stupid. If you are over fifteen, please take this opportunity to shoot yourself. If under fifteen, you are probably white and immature. In that case, have a responsible adult shoot you.

3:46 AM  
Blogger Artos said...

Hey, Mero, last I checked, Carbuncle was undefeated, too.

I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.

I thought there was another server, too. Oh, well. Besieged just separates the men from the boys.

4:12 AM  
Anonymous Lamia 19 said...

you left me out smithy now i'll have to kill you in your sleep

4:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I swaer to Altana, he actually leaned in and listened to the bird in the middle of the conversation.

May wanna fix that.

5:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Titan is also undefeated.

5:08 AM  
Anonymous crazy nigga with a gun~ said...


9:27 AM  
Blogger Arwenne said...

Don't worry, Smithy. You'll always be at the top of my Most Wanted list. >.>

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Sexy Mithra said...

Unicorn is still undefeated as well. 145 wins no loses

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does it seem like some people have made it their goal to find a typo in every single blog entry?

5:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zoraal Jar and Pathfinder sound like thier made for each other.
Maybe you can get them togeter, perferbly stabbed and diced into small peices/pile and fed to Courel.

6:48 PM  
Blogger Bitneko said...

Yeah, they do sound stupid. A talking bird as a millitary stratigist? Next they'll be taking orders from Pathfinder.

P.S. Caitsith is also undefeated. Hurry up and knock more servers down Smithy!

9:05 PM  
Blogger Ten said...

Siren is still undefeated as well.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey anonymous, why don't you go smash your privates with a dictionary.

2:59 PM  
Blogger zerombr said...

dear Crazy...with a gun, way to show no content whatsoever, you just paste the same darn thing in your posts, why not just shut up, even silence would be more educational than that garbage. Smithy deserves better than net Gangsta talk

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"hey anonymous, why don't you go smash your privates with a dictionary."

I think I'm pretty well vindicated by the next post up. Retard.

3:43 AM  
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