Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Goblin (Smithy) Tailor

Today, I thought I'd get back to murdering people.

You know, my normal routine.

Unfortunately, it seems today had other plans for me. One of the NPC Goblins came down with the flu.

So, I get to work and find out I'll be spending the whole day covering and talking to adventurers.

Not happy.

Still... maybe he's isn't a popular NPC. Maybe I won't have to deal with anyone.

What Goblin was it that got sick?

Guttrix.

Yes, the Goblin in charge of the Race Specific Equipment Quests.

Yay.

I was going to have to spend my entire day talking to the unwashed masses of Vana'diel, all whining about free armor.

Note to self: As soon as Guttrix is feeling better, kill him.

Grumbling angrily to myself, I set up shop in Lower Jeuno.

As a side note, you can imagine how much fun it was to walk through Jeuno. If I hadn't been upgraded to NPC, I'm pretty sure I would have been burned to death a hundred times before my body hit the ground.

So, I'm hanging out and the adventurers start coming in.

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

And another...

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

And another...

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

Okay, this was getting real old, real fast.

I have to deal with all of the ugliness and stupidity of adventurers, but I don't get to stab any of them.

What kind of job is this?

Seriously. I had to figure out something to do before I go crazy.

HumeMale>> Where's my RSE quest this week?

...

This is almost too easy.

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Eldieme Necropolis.
HumeMale>> Oka... Wait...
HumeMale>> What?!
HumeMale>> RSE doesn't happen in Eldieme.
GoblinSmithy>> New type of RSE quest.
GoblinSmithy>> They just put it in.
GoblinSmithy>> Very hush hush.
HumeMale>> ... I guess.
GoblinSmithy>> You need to bring me a Falcastra.
HumeMale>> A what?
GoblinSmithy>> A Falcastra.
GoblinSmithy>> It's a weapon or something.
HumeMale>> This doesn't seem right.
GoblinSmithy>> Do you want your equipment or not?
HumeMale>> I'll go, I'll go.
HumeMale>> But how do I get a key?
GoblinSmithy>> How should I know?
GoblinSmithy>> That's not my problem.
HumeMale>> Those monsters are way above my level.
GoblinSmithy>> Not during RSE week.
GoblinSmithy>> The new quest reduces their levels.
GoblinSmithy>> You should have no trouble.
HumeMale>> Oh...
HumeMale>> Cool.
GoblinSmithy>> Good luck.

He was going to need it.

The little Hume man toddles off to Eldieme and certain doom.

Good times, good times.

I chuckled to myself and went back to work.

You can imagine my surprise when, eight hours later, he shows up.

And he was carrying a Falcastra.

HumeMale>> Here.
HumeMale>> This new quest is sick.
GoblinSmithy>> What do you mean?
HumeMale>> Those monsters kicked my ass.
HumeMale>> I died twelve times.
GoblinSmithy>> Only twelve?
GoblinSmithy>> I'll have to start sending people to Rancor's Den.
HumeMale>> In the end, I had to pay some people to help me.
HumeMale>> Even then, it took hours.
GoblinSmithy>> I bet.
GoblinSmithy>> But you made it.
HumeMale>> Yeah.
HumeMale>> It was tough, but I pulled through.
GoblinSmithy>> Unfortunately, you ran out of time.
HumeMale>> ...
HumeMale>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Time.
GoblinSmithy>> It ran out.
HumeMale>> What do you mean "ran out"?
GoblinSmithy>> You only had seven hours.
GoblinSmithy>> So close.
HumeMale>> You've got to be joking.
GoblinSmithy>> No. This is me joking.
GoblinSmithy>> Two drums and a set of cymbals fell off a cliff.
GoblinSmithy>> Bah dump psshhhh
HumeMale>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> It's funnier if you didn't just waste eight hours.

Those humes have no sense of humor.

8 Comments:

Blogger Skyline_Evo8 said...

First...but I really don't see what's so special about it.

GoblinSmithy>> No. This is me joking.
GoblinSmithy>> Two drums and a set of cymbals fell off a cliff.
GoblinSmithy>> Bah dump psshhhh


That was brilliant. Keep up the good work and stuff.

1:13 AM  
Blogger Chronofantasy said...

So it looks like his next RSE will be in Den of Rancor then when it's male hume's week, and then the next place is going to be where? Uleguerand maybe getting a Dragon heart drop from Jormungand?

2:49 AM  
Blogger Venomvi said...

I must agree with skyline_evo8.

HumeMale>> You've got to be joking.
GoblinSmithy>> No. This is me joking.
GoblinSmithy>> Two drums and a set of cymbals fell off a cliff.
GoblinSmithy>> Bah dump psshhhh


was incredibly funny.

You are an excellent writer. Thanks for the laughs.

3:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh, very funny. I knew you'd find a way to have fun in such miserable circumstances.

I'm curious what would happen if Smithy met a GM (No, not Dave), any GM.

For those who thought otherwise, that drum joke is older than I am.

(20, not 12)

Still funny though.

----Carrin

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved it, as always.

Well done Smithy, brilliant.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Raine said...

I don't get the drum joke...someone mind explaining?

2:03 PM  
Blogger BuzZ said...

It won't be funny if I explain it, but well..you asked for it:

1- two drums and a set of cymbals fall off a cliff, in the following order:
- Drum #1
- Drum #2
- Cymbals
2- upon impact with the ground, the drum set produces noise
3- the following sounds are produced:
Drum #1: *bah*
Drum #2: *dump*
Cymbals: *pssshhhhh*
4- the humour lies in the relation between the music produced by the falling drums and the classic beats played at the end of a joke.

3:21 PM  
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8:03 AM  

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