The Goblin (Smithy) Tailor

Today, I thought I'd get back to murdering people.

You know, my normal routine.

Unfortunately, it seems today had other plans for me. One of the NPC Goblins came down with the flu.

So, I get to work and find out I'll be spending the whole day covering and talking to adventurers.

Not happy.

Still... maybe he's isn't a popular NPC. Maybe I won't have to deal with anyone.

What Goblin was it that got sick?

Guttrix.

Yes, the Goblin in charge of the Race Specific Equipment Quests.

Yay.

I was going to have to spend my entire day talking to the unwashed masses of Vana'diel, all whining about free armor.

Note to self: As soon as Guttrix is feeling better, kill him.

Grumbling angrily to myself, I set up shop in Lower Jeuno.

As a side note, you can imagine how much fun it was to walk through Jeuno. If I hadn't been upgraded to NPC, I'm pretty sure I would have been burned to death a hundred times before my body hit the ground.

So, I'm hanging out and the adventurers start coming in.

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

And another...

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

And another...

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Gusgen Mines.

Okay, this was getting real old, real fast.

I have to deal with all of the ugliness and stupidity of adventurers, but I don't get to stab any of them.

What kind of job is this?

Seriously. I had to figure out something to do before I go crazy.

HumeMale>> Where's my RSE quest this week?

...

This is almost too easy.

GoblinSmithy>> You're a Male Hume.
GoblinSmithy>> Go to Eldieme Necropolis.
HumeMale>> Oka... Wait...
HumeMale>> What?!
HumeMale>> RSE doesn't happen in Eldieme.
GoblinSmithy>> New type of RSE quest.
GoblinSmithy>> They just put it in.
GoblinSmithy>> Very hush hush.
HumeMale>> ... I guess.
GoblinSmithy>> You need to bring me a Falcastra.
HumeMale>> A what?
GoblinSmithy>> A Falcastra.
GoblinSmithy>> It's a weapon or something.
HumeMale>> This doesn't seem right.
GoblinSmithy>> Do you want your equipment or not?
HumeMale>> I'll go, I'll go.
HumeMale>> But how do I get a key?
GoblinSmithy>> How should I know?
GoblinSmithy>> That's not my problem.
HumeMale>> Those monsters are way above my level.
GoblinSmithy>> Not during RSE week.
GoblinSmithy>> The new quest reduces their levels.
GoblinSmithy>> You should have no trouble.
HumeMale>> Oh...
HumeMale>> Cool.
GoblinSmithy>> Good luck.

He was going to need it.

The little Hume man toddles off to Eldieme and certain doom.

Good times, good times.

I chuckled to myself and went back to work.

You can imagine my surprise when, eight hours later, he shows up.

And he was carrying a Falcastra.

HumeMale>> Here.
HumeMale>> This new quest is sick.
GoblinSmithy>> What do you mean?
HumeMale>> Those monsters kicked my ass.
HumeMale>> I died twelve times.
GoblinSmithy>> Only twelve?
GoblinSmithy>> I'll have to start sending people to Rancor's Den.
HumeMale>> In the end, I had to pay some people to help me.
HumeMale>> Even then, it took hours.
GoblinSmithy>> I bet.
GoblinSmithy>> But you made it.
HumeMale>> Yeah.
HumeMale>> It was tough, but I pulled through.
GoblinSmithy>> Unfortunately, you ran out of time.
HumeMale>> ...
HumeMale>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> Time.
GoblinSmithy>> It ran out.
HumeMale>> What do you mean "ran out"?
GoblinSmithy>> You only had seven hours.
GoblinSmithy>> So close.
HumeMale>> You've got to be joking.
GoblinSmithy>> No. This is me joking.
GoblinSmithy>> Two drums and a set of cymbals fell off a cliff.
GoblinSmithy>> Bah dump psshhhh
HumeMale>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> It's funnier if you didn't just waste eight hours.

Those humes have no sense of humor.