Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Great Escape

Unfortunately, after my "voluntary parole", the prison guards had cracked down pretty hard. Everything pointy had been confiscated.

They even took my subligar.

Now, I really doubt I would have tried to murder a guard with my groin, but I have to give the guys props for planning ahead. Even I do not know the full depths of my murderous rage and it is entirely possible I may have resorted to the Tea Bagging of DOOM!

Guard>> C'mon, Smithy.
Guard>> Give me your best shot!
GoblinSmithy>> That's what your wife said.
Guard>> Wait...
Guard>> What are you...
Guard>> STOP RAPING MY FACE!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Your wife said that, too.

Yeah, I don't think I'd go that far right now, but after a couple of days sharing a cell with Pathfinder, I'm getting there.

I caught him watching me sleeping last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was just standing there watching me.

GoblinSmithy>> What are you doing?
GoblinPathfinder>> Nothing.
GoblinPathfinder>> Just watching you sleep.
GoblinSmithy>> That's not nothing.
GoblinSmithy>> That's something.
GoblinSmithy>> Something creepy.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's not creepy.
GoblinSmithy>> Yes, it is.
GoblinSmithy>> Stop watching me.
GoblinPathfinder>> Okay.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> Smithy?
GoblinSmithy>> What?
GoblinPathfinder>> Can you tell me a story?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Sure.
GoblinSmithy>> There once was a guy named Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> Then one day he got stabbed in the face.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm going to sleep now.
GoblinSmithy>> I thought so.
GoblinPathfinder>> Night, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah, yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Shut the hell up.

Do you know how hard it is to get back to sleep after that?

REAL DAMN HARD!

Maybe if I had my subligar to defend against a sudden (( Sneak Attack ))...

I really need to get out of here.

I mean, who's controlling the adventurer population while I'm in here?

The jungles are no doubt anarchy by now, n00bs running free and unstabbed.

Just thinking about it sickens me.

Tonight...

Tonight will be the escape.

I've managed to fashion a make shift weapon using some paper clips and a rubber band.

When it comes to making weapons, I could make MacGuyver look retarded.

I also managed to put together a good group of guys to pull this off. I’ve got demons for brute muscle, a few yagudos for their speed, and a handful of orcs just in case we need something to stand between us and gunfire.

Things are looking good.

This had better work.

It’ll be horribly ironic if I went through all of this trouble just to end up murdering Pathfinder for being retarded.

I really deserve sainthood for this.

Well… Maybe if it weren’t for all of the killing. They tend to frown on that.

8 Comments:

Blogger redkinoko said...

Nice post!

12:27 AM  
Blogger Axit said...

TEA BAGGING OF DOOM!!!!


Classic!

2:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lol'd so hard at the face raping and the sleeping bit. Another excellent post XD.

3:16 AM  
Blogger joyc said...

wow! Pathfinder called you "Smithy" finally!

9:13 AM  
Blogger zerombr said...

whoa, he DID call Smithy by his correct name, does this mean Pathfinder has changed, or Smithy simply forgot to write in Pathfinder's stupid nickname?

ehh it's the classic, the goblin or the bomb scenario

10:52 PM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Actually, Pathfinder's talking with a little bit of a lisp. His lips were kind of swollen when I got back.

I thought it would be better not to ask.

1:05 AM  
Blogger zerombr said...

yeah, good call Sir

12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guard>> Give me your best shot!
GoblinSmithy>> That's what your wife said.
Guard>> Wait...
Guard>> What are you...
Guard>> STOP RAPING MY FACE!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Your wife said that, too.

Hillarious smithy.
Just freakin' hillarious.

8:17 PM  

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