Smithy Attempts To Get Arrested - Vol. 1

Okay, if there was ever a mission I was born for, it was this one.

I mean, I kill people on a regular basis. And occasionally on an irregular basis.

Sometimes a down right obscene basis.

Getting sent to jail should be a piece of cake.

Now, I didn't want too much trouble. I simply wanted to get arrested and thrown in jail. No messing around with due process or rights or anything.

I needed to find a bunch of people that were big and stupid.

So, I'm in Bastok...

I figure the easiest way for me to get sent to jail is to just kill somebody. Like my dad always used to say, go with your strengths.

Hmmm... Who can I kill?

Hey, look. A Taru named Shorty.

If that doesn't deserve a knife to the trachea, I don't know what does.

I quietly snuck behind the fountain. Then, I slid up behind a Galka NPC. He'll never see me coming.

Wait...

I'm trying to get caught.

Kind of takes all the fun out of homicide, but whatever. I just walk up and stab the guy in the face.

As soon as he hit the ground, the entire area went apeshit.

Perfect. I'll be in jail before lunch.

A Galka stepped up to me. He was clearly in shock.

Player1>> Holy shit!
Player1>> What happened?!
Player2>> I don't know.
Player2>> I think he's dead.
Player1>> Obviously, he's dead.
Player1>> He's laying in the middle of the street.
Player1>> I don't think that was in question.
Player3>> You did say "What happened?!"
Player3>> Technically, it suggests you don't know anything.
Player1>> Yeah, but we can assume I'd know he was dead.
Player1>> People don't just lie down in the street.
Player2>> I couldn't make that assumption.
Player3>> Honestly, I can see it going either way.
Player3>> Perhaps we should agree to disagree.
Player1>> I suppose we could do that.

I'm not exactly known for patience.

GoblinSmithy>> Doesn't anyone care how he died?
Player1>> Not really.
Player3>> I can't say I do.
Player2>> He's a Taru.
Player2>> Maybe someone sneezed on him.
Player3>> Maybe he equipped an Astral Ring.
Player1>> I still think him being dead can be accepted as a given.
Player3>> You made an assumption.
Player3>> As such, you have to accept that it may be false.
GoblinSmithy>> OH COME ON!
GoblinSmithy>> HE'S DEAD!
Player2>> Shhhh. We're talking.
Player2>> Now, I answered the question you asked.
Player2>> There was no spoken clarification.
Player1>> That's beside the point.

Dammit.

I wanted stupid people, not functionally retarded people.

It's not like I'm enjoying this.

Okay... I did kind of enjoy the stabbing.

Who doesn't?

Still, I don't exactly have all day, so I took matters into my own hands.

Except replace "took" with "put".

And "matters" with "my sword".

And "my own hands" with "the Galka's neck".

Now, I'll get to jail.

Player3>> What happened to him?!
Player2>> He's dead.
Player3>> Of course he's dead.
Player3>> He fell down.
Player2>> But you asked what happened.
Player3>> Actually, I asked what happened to him.
Player3>> That suggests I was asking about the cause.
Player3>> Not the result.
Player2>> Now, you're just playing semantics.
GoblinSmithy>> SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
GoblinSmithy>> Doesn't anyone care how he died?!
Player3>> Oh, that...
Player3>> That happens all the time.
Player2>> Yeah.
Player2>> He probably forgot to breathe.
Player2>> He is a Galka, you know.
Player3>> Was.
Player2>> What?
Player3>> He was a Galka.
Player3>> Not is.
Player2>> The past tense is implied.
Player2>> We both know he's dead.
Player3>> I don't argue thatit's implied.
GoblinSmithy>> SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!
GoblinSmithy>> I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!
Player2>> Woah, woah, woah.
Player3>> What's your problem?
GoblinSmithy>> Whoever talks next gets a knife in the eye.
Player3>> Whomever.
GoblinSmithy>> GRRRAAAAUGGHHHHHHHH!!!

By the time I was done, there was no one left to arrest me.

And because of this stupidity, Pathfinder has to spend another day in prison getting beaten and abused.

That's it, Smithy. Look on the bright side.