Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Back In The Big House

When I stepped back onto D block, the place quickly went quiet.

Yeah, they may be killers, but they know better than to mess with Smithy. Even the guards were trying to keep their distance.

That's respect.

Then I heard it, very quiet and far off in the distance.

I heard someone crying.

Gee, I wonder who that could be.

I walked slowly down the main corridor until I came to Pathfinder's cell. There he was, curled up in the corner and blubbering like a little girl.

Now, I have no idea why, but he was wearing a blond wig and what appeared to be red lipstick.

I decided it would be better not to ask. There's probably no answer he could give me that wouldn't make me want to stick a knife in my eye.

GoblinSmithy>> Pathfinder?

Silence.

He didn't even look up. He just sat there, broken and crying.

GoblinSmithy>> Pathfinder?
GoblinSmithy>> Are you okay?
GoblinSmithy>> Vana'diel to Pathfinder. Over.

Silence.

It was obvious that I'd have to take more drastic measures.

i.e. I'd have to slap that bitch around.

GoblinSmithy>> Sorry, Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> This hurts you more than it does me.

*SLAP*

GoblinSmithy>> Pathfinder!
GoblinSmithy>> Wake up!

*SLAP*

GoblinSmithy>> Pathfinder!

*SLAPSLAP*

GoblinSmithy>> Snap out of it!

*SLAP*

GoblinSmithy>> Come on, man!
GoblinSmithy>> Wake up!

*SLAP*

GoblinPathfinder>> Smithy...
GoblinPathfinder>> Is that you?

*SLAP*

GoblinPathfinder>> HEY!
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm awake!

*SLAPSLAP*

GoblinPathfinder>> STOP IT!
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... You're awake.
GoblinSmithy>> I didn't realize.
GoblinPathfinder>> It's okay.
GoblinPathfinder>> At least you came back for me.

*SLAP*

GoblinPathfinder>> KNOCK IT OFF!
GoblinSmithy>> Just making sure.
GoblinSmithy>> Can't be too careful.

And then, before I could stop him, he started to tell me what had happened to him.

Apparently, his cellmate had gotten "friendly" shortly after I left and the past few days had been a hell of sexual abuse.

Note to self: put knife in eye.

Honestly, Pathfinder might be a pain in the ass (no pun intended), but even he didn't deserve that.

I picked the guy up and started to walk him down toward my cell.

GoblinSmithy>> Which one was your cellmate, by the way?

Pathfinder raised one shaking hand and pointed down the hall.

His cellmate was an Ochu.

For those of you not familiar with Ochus, imagine a giant green octopus with razor sharp fangs and really bad breath.

Ouch.

GoblinPathfinder>> This is a bad, bad place.

As I dropped him onto one of the bunks in my cell, he went quiet again, but for a second I could have sworn I heard him say one last thing...

GoblinPathfinder>> I'm so never watching Hentai again.

...

If you'll excuse me, I need to go stick a knife where my brain used to be.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

woot first post!

Poor Pathfinder. ; ;

Even pathfinder didn't deserve and Ochu...

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

woot first post!

Poor Pathfinder. ; ;

Even pathfinder didn't deserve an Ochu...

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damnit sry double post

7:35 PM  
Blogger Twinblades said...

As I dropped him onto one of the bunks in my cell, he went quiet again, but for a second I could have sworn I heard him say one last thing...

GoblinPathfinder>> I'm so never watching Hentai again.

ROFL

8:28 PM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Aw man, poor poor pathfinder! ; ;

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bad smitty, you owe pathfinder more than getting him out of prison now...

1:24 PM  
Blogger WHM of Death said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He called you Smithy and not Smitty... I'm not sure if I should be amazed, or scared right now...

2:08 PM  
Blogger WHM of Death said...

to get back at the Ocho you should introduce it to the X-Mrs Smithy. Revenge is a dish that is best served Ice cold

2:14 PM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

Fucking...AWFUL!

XD

6:05 PM  
Blogger Alison the Amazing Thief said...

Aw you're going soft. That's so sweet. Who whould have thought you would go out of your way to actually save Pathfinder when he could have been out of your life for an indefiniate amount of time. Does this make you two best friends?

Hee hee hee....

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow this is by far the funniest...i actually had to hold back from laughing at work...absolutely hilarious

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Freaking awesome. Why must ou have developed a nice streak? I just busted out laughing in the middle of class because of you.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Kittos said...

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD omg hahahaha not ochus

6:56 PM  
Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

For those of you who have played FFX, Ochu = Marlboro.

*shudder*

1:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinPathfinder>> Smithy...
GoblinPathfinder>> Is that you?

He called you "Smithy" for once, maybe prison improved his spelling. :P

2:51 PM  

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