Saturday, August 12, 2006

They All Come Crawling Back

I knew it. I just knew it.

No one can resist the Smithy charm.

I'm sure you all remember my ex-wife or, as I like to call her, "the face that beauty forgot".

You may also remember that the tramp left me for a Gigas.

Not the greatest day.

Well, everything changed yesterday. She came crawling and crying, begging me to take her back.

JACKPOT!

There is nothing as satisfying as seeing a woman who dumped you crying all over herself and begging for forgiveness.

Even stabbing Tarus doesn't feel that good and damn if I don't like knifing those midget bastards.

There I was in Yhoator Jungle, when she came up behind me.

ExMrsSmithy>> Guess who.
GoblinSmithy>> By the smell...
GoblinSmithy>> I'd guess a dead Marlboro.
ExMrsSmithy>> It's me, Silly. Your wife.
ExMrsSmithy>> I'm back.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you sure it isn't a dead Marlboro?
GoblinSmithy>> I would so prefer that.
ExMrsSmithy>> You're still angry.
GoblinSmithy>> Me? Angry?
GoblinSmithy>> Why would I be angry?
ExMrsSmithy>> Well, because I left you for a Gigas.
ExMrsSmithy>> Because had a larger penis than you.
ExMrsSmithy>> Oh! Don't forget that I stabbed you, too.
GoblinSmithy>> Do you know what a rhetorical question is?
ExMrsSmithy>> No.
ExMrsSmithy>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Nevermind.
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell do you want?
ExMrsSmithy>> I want you to take me back.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry. We're all out of forgiveness today.
GoblinSmithy>> Can I interest you in some go to hell?
ExMrsSmithy>> Honey...
GoblinSmithy>> It comes with your choice of kiss my ass.
ExMrsSmithy>> Please.
ExMrsSmithy>> I need you.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> You need a good plastic surgeon.
ExMrsSmithy>> I was thinking of getting some work done.
GoblinSmithy>> I don't think "a little work" will help.
GoblinSmithy>> You need to tear that down and start over.
ExMrsSmithy>> Please, Smithy.
ExMrsSmithy>> Take me back.
ExMrsSmithy>> I love you.
GoblinSmithy>> That's funny.
GoblinSmithy>> I thought you said you loved me.
GoblinSmithy>> And not you left me for a giant pile of ugly.
ExMrsSmithy>> It was a mistake.
ExMrsSmithy>> A big, big mistake.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah, but I think he learned his lesson.
ExMrsSmithy>> Come on.
ExMrsSmithy>> You know you want to take me back.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> Part of me wants to vomit at the thought.
GoblinSmithy>> Another part is wondering why I haven't stabbed you.
GoblinSmithy>> Part of me is hungry.
ExMrsSmithy>> I know what you're hungry for.
ExMrsSmithy>> Wink, wink.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay, now all the parts want to throw up.
ExMrsSmithy>> Just one last time.
ExMrsSmithy>> Please...

How pathetic. Showing up and begging me to sleep with her.

I was so disgusted I could barely do it.

Five times.

When I woke up, I just kept staring at her.

Staring at her lying next to me.

You know... Cutting off your own arm isn't as bad as it sounds.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol :d nice work

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol That's funny.

12:57 AM  
Blogger Jirizo Reborn said...

/discusted



"GoblinSmithy>> Why would I be angry?
ExMrsSmithy>> Well, because I left you for a Gigas.
ExMrsSmithy>> Because had a larger penis than you.
ExMrsSmithy>> Oh! Don't forget that I stabbed you, too.
GoblinSmithy>> Do you know what a rhetorical question is?
ExMrsSmithy>> No.
ExMrsSmithy>> What?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> Nevermind."


Rofl!

1:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Goblins sleep together?

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Tog said...

Funny stuff SMithy, I hope you used a condom atleast once...wouldn't want to pay child support on the spawn of ugly.

4:14 AM  
Blogger Squirt said...

Reeree says something I can't say but I think she means "Ew."

I think Mrs. Smithy is nice like a fox!

6:57 AM  
Blogger WindexHamster said...

"GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry. We're all out of forgiveness today.
GoblinSmithy>> Can I interest you in some go to hell?
ExMrsSmithy>> Honey...
GoblinSmithy>> It comes with your choice of kiss my ass."


Hahahahahaha!!! Loved it.

Love. It.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How pathetic. Showing up and begging me to sleep with her.

I was so disgusted I could barely do it.

Five times."

Priceless, made me laugh just thinking about it.

4:32 PM  
Anonymous Kawaii Catboy said...

Obviously,the need for poontang overrided your need to stab the bitch.

I hope you stabbed her afterwards, anyways.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Goblin Smithy said...

Oh, I stabbed her.

I stabbed her all night long.

...

Someone kill me.

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*groan* After that one I feel compelled to comply

Excellent blog Smithy

2:57 AM  
Anonymous Taruboy said...

*gasp* I thought we had something special going! *feels betrayed*

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:37 PM  
Blogger beatrice mike said...

I AM BEATRICE from UNITED STATE, my man was cheating on me since last year with his co_worker, i was upset and confused on what to do, i tried my best to win his heart back but all effort was wasted until on 21 of this February when i came across a spiritual man called DR MACK, i saw a many post about his wonderful work and i contact him via his Email and explained to him and he asked for some information which i gave him and he told me that my heart desire will be granted just in 3 days, i was skeptical but i gave me the chance to help me, to my surprise my Boyfriend called me 5 time to tell that he is so sorry and that he wants me back and wants to marry me, everything happened like a dream but i am so happy that i have my boyfriend back and we are planning to get married soon, if you want to Ex back please don't hesitate to contact ( dr.mac@yahoo.com ;).....
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3:44 PM  

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